Today, we take an in-depth look at a home quarantine situation. A boomer’s family locks him alone in his bedroom—how will he escape? Listen to find out! Also, Ethan ponders secret societies, Jason dissects robot religion, and we discuss the best methods for harvesting alien space bats. 

In another bleak episode, Thanksgiving is as canceled as Genghis Khan. This week, the boys remember they run a coronavirus themed podcast. Ethan fawns for Daddy Inslee, Jason despairs of humanity, and we all have a real good time. Plus: feelings on Seattle pizza! Wear a mask, stay home, stay safe!

Joseph R. Biden, Jr. (do we have to call him that now?), has been elected the 46th president of the United States of Murca. The boys complain about how he isn’t a pure commie snowflake. And maybe about how the Democrats need to pull their heads from the ground and stop taking BIPOC and progressive votes for granted. Not being fascists isn’t enough, guys. Plus: Among Us references for the kiddies! 

The boys wonder WTF is up with Dianne Feinstein. Jason extolls the virtues of necrocracy and Ethan explains why he doesn’t care if Iran is hacking the election. Plus: war, poverty, and the politics of deindustrialization in a galaxy far, far away.  Big, rusty spoonfuls for everyone! VOTE BIDEN.

Jason goes on a long rant about the literal devil, Ethan talks about that one time he almost beat up a kid, and they speculate on Trump’s health. Also, Jason’s cheating on his demons. With rocks. Welcome to CrystalCast! Plus: how to kill your dragon!

President Donald J. Trump has coronavirus, which is why you should wear a mask. We don’t wish him well. Ethan pines over pirates, Jason talks sea serpents and plausible deniability, and the boys sup at the well of irony till their bellies swell to bursting. Plus: X-wings vs. TIE fighters! 

This past week, a grand jury decided Breonna Taylor’s life mattered less than a wall. The show takes an anticlerical turn as the boys discuss the hard-right Catholic cultist Trump’s appointing to the Supreme Court. Jason tells us the saga of Quark and Dump, Ethan gets radicalized by YouTube, and they talk about Stellaris when the news bums them out. Plus: we’re still mad at the worthless curs in the Democratic Party (and Mitt Romney)! 

Along with 200,000 Americans, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg recently died. We contemplate the horror of a Supreme Court with a 6-3 conservative majority. Ethan says pack the court. Jason says why not. Plus: celebrities who kill! And for the record, Romney is a beta chump. 

The boys discuss how hot sexy-ex-con-firefighter calendars would be if neoliberal society could get over its compulsion to punish. Ethan talks about the best movie he’s never seen and Jason warns of the coming of the ground ghosts. Plus: cats!

Under assault by duplicitous ad-blockers, Jason nonetheless delivers a stirring lesson on the nature and history of tulpas, while Ethan shares his thoughts on eating paint (don’t!). Plus: Is it better to have one boss alley cat who pisses all over, or dozens of ferals who also piss all over?