DNA Surprises

If you’ve had a DNA surprise, how many times have you been told you should write a book? This week’s episode is a story that is truly stranger than fiction. Traci shares how, at 19, her mother revealed the truth about her paternity. This truth sent Traci reeling, but her mother insisted that she always knew the truth. Her mom went on to explain the events that led them to that moment. It’s a story straight out of a true crime novel, and Traci didn’t remember any of it.

Traci goes on to share what happened after the revelation, including how she moved forward with her parents, who married a few years after her DNA surprise.

Thank you Traci, for sharing your story.

Resources:

After the Rotting

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"I knew it!" Or,  "I had no idea." When it comes to DNA surprises, some people are completely blindsided. Others felt like they knew it all along. Danielle never felt like she fit in with her family. Her mother died when she was just three years old, and for the rest of her childhood, she was raised by her dad, who travelled often for work, and her aunt, her mother’s sister.

Danielle knew that her dad had difficulty conceiving her older half-sister with his first wife, and she questioned if they were biologically related. More than a decade after her dad died, another aunt gave her a letter he’d written to her, which described the sometimes tumultuous but genuine affection her parents had for one another - a confession of sorts? 

When she learned that her sister had taken a consumer DNA test, Danielle finally had her chance to uncover the truth. After getting her results, doing extensive research, and learning surprising information from her mother’s best friend, she finally did.

Thank you Danielle, for sharing your story.

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Black sheep. Golden child. In the DNA surprise community, these are labels we hear a lot. In this week’s episode, Sarah shares her emotional journey before, during, and after, her DNA discovery. Growing up, she never felt like she fit in, but her concerns were often dismissed. Many years later, her suspicions were confirmed–her dad, Joe was not her biological father. But she didn’t know for sure who was.

Sarah’s story also touches on the role that alcohol played within her family and in her own personal journey. She discusses why she ultimately decided to seek sobriety and create strong boundaries with her raised family, and how she’s pursuing relationships with her newfound relatives. 

Thank you for sharing your story, Sarah.

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Welcome to season 10 of DNA Surprises. This season is jampacked with incredible stories that explore the emotional journeys of DNA discoveries. If you’ve had a DNA surprise, you’ll hear stories that you may relate to and gain inspiration from. If you haven’t had a DNA surprise, this season will continue to give you insight into the complexities of identity, family, and the human experience.

In this week’s episode, Krissy shares her long journey to uncovering her DNA surprise, when she learned that the man she believed was her biological father is not. Her surprise didn’t start with a DNA test, but rumors that she confronted her mother about, which were quickly denied. Years later, Krissy found herself staring at a photo of herself and her two brothers, and that nagging feeling returned. So she took a DNA test.

Krissy shares how the revelation affected her and her relationships and how she eventually found her biological father - along with a couple of additional DNA surprises. She also shares why she’s made the decision not to openly discuss the discovery with her parents.

Thank you for sharing your story, Krissy.

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Intergenerational trauma. It’s something we talk about a lot here. The most common cycles we discuss are the patterns of keeping secrets and the patterns of shame. In this week’s episode, you will hear a story about a cycle of NPEs. 

When Bobbi became pregnant with her third child, she knew that was not in a position to care for another baby. She relinquished her child to a family member, but kept the specific circumstances around the birth a secret - most people thought she was a surrogate.

Just a couple of years later, Bobbi was shocked when, long before consumer DNA testing, she learned that the man she’d believed was her biological father was not, and that both of her parents knew this secret her entire life.

And then there was one more. Years later, when she took a consumer DNA test, Bobbi uncovered that her mother is also an NPE, upending another long believed story.

I want to especially thank Bobbi for being open about her experience as a mother in this situation. She shares a vulnerable, honest, and empathetic perspective for all of us to consider.

Thanks again to Bobbi for sharing her story.

Bobbi’s Book: Descendant Deception

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Who would I have become if I had known the truth? How were the interactions I had throughout my life colored by an unknown truth? These are questions so many of us ask ourselves, over and over and over again.

The reality is, we will never know, no more than we would know who we would have become if we’d been born in another country. Part of the DNA surprise experience is coming to terms with this.

In this week’s episode, I’m joined by Guy, who I first interviewed back in Season 3. When we first spoke, Guy had just experienced his surprise, and he wasn’t sure what he was going to do next. One of the things that struck me was how freeing Guy found the revelation to be. 

Guy shares what’s come up for him since we first spoke, including the many ways he’s been analyzing - and reanalyzing his past. In the two years since we spoke, Guy’s come to the realization that the facts of his situation don’t matter much to him, and that all he has is now. 

PS - If you think DNA surprises are all sad all the time, this episode is a good reminder that it’s OK to laugh sometimes.

Thank you, Guy, for sharing your story.

Guy's DNA Surprise (Original episode)

If you’ve had a DNA surprise, you might listen to this podcast from the perspective of someone who just uncovered their results. Or did it happen years ago, when consumer DNA testing became popular? What has changed for you since the day you opened your test results?

In this week’s episode, I’m joined by a guest from Season 1, Crystal. Crystal had her DNA surprise the same month and year that I did. When we first spoke, it had only been a few months since she received her results. So much has happened since then.

Crystal shares what it was like when she finally met her biological father for the first time, as well as how her relationships have evolved over the years. If you’re in the thick of your DNA surprise right now, I hope this episode gives you hope that things will get better, because they will.

Thank you Crystal for sharing your story.

Crystal's DNA Surprise (Original episode)

When people uncover DNA surprises, they are often left to unpack the mysteries themselves. From the who, what, when and where around their births to where their newly identified family members are today, we spend hours searching newspapers, online archives, and obituaries.

Many times, we find what we’re looking for. Sometimes, we don’t. 

In this week’s episode, BettyJo shares how any of her questions remain unanswered. Her mother wouldn’t share many details and their relationship, along with her relationship with her raised siblings, and disintegrated after the discovery.

BettyJo believes her father is from Mexico, where endogamy, the custom of marrying only within the limits of a local community, clan, or tribe, is common. This makes locating specific people tricky.

BettyJo shares how she’s managed losing the close relationship she once had with her mother, as well as how she’s coping with so many unknowns.

Thank you for sharing your story, BettyJo.   

Did you know that the DNA Surprises podcast community meets in a virtual support group every month? We started the Third Thursday Meetup in 2023 to serve as an additional resource for NPEs, late-discovery donor-conceived people, and late-discovery adoptees to find community and support. Third Thursdays have quickly become one of my favorite nights of the month, due in no small part to the two people who are sharing updates in this special double update episode.

Liann and Pat uncovered their DNA surprises in very different ways. Liann found out long before consumer DNA tests, while Pat uncovered her surprise more recently. In the first half of this week’s episode, Liann joins me to share her progress as she moves in the advocacy stage of her DNA surprise journey. At around the 27-minute mark, Pat joins me for the second half of this episode and shares how she’s doing nearly a year and a half after her surprise.

Be sure to listen to Liann and Pat’s episodes, and then listen to their updates.

Thanks to Lianna and Pat for joining me again.

Liann's original episode
Pat's original episode

By the way, if you want to sign up for Third Thursdays, go to dnasurprises.com/events. 

Not every DNA surprise has a happy ending. And sometimes, what seems like a happy ending takes a turn. But the opposite is also true. In this week’s episode, Shannon shares how she learned the truth about her paternity and had to wait several years before she could identify her biological father. When she finally found him, he was receptive, before quickly closing off any hope of a relationship…until he had another change of heart.

Thank you for sharing your story, Shannon.

If you’d like to learn more about Shannon’s therapy practice, visit CreatingSpaceTherapy.com.