DNA Surprises

Many people in the DNA surprise community grew up with dads, or birth certificate fathers, BCFs as they’re often called. We are raised by these men and then one day, through a DNA test or other means, we learn that they are not our biological fathers. But what if you never really felt like you had a dad? How does a DNA surprise affect you?

In this week’s episode, Alissa shares how her free-spirited mother had her and her twin brother on her own, before marrying their stepfather. Alissa remembers asking questions - “Do we have a dad?” And getting the same explanation each time. He lived in another state, he had gone to prison, they’d tried to make it work but did not.

In her early 20s, Alissa attempted to build a relationship with who she believed was her biological father, Jim, even finding an “Uncle Dad” through his brother Rick. After taking a DNA test, everything she thought she knew was upended.

Thank you for sharing your story, Alissa.

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DNA Surprises bring up a range of emotions, and if there’s one thing I hope I’ve made clear on this show, all those emotions are valid. In this week’s episode, Joan shares why her DNA surprise was more of an interesting adventure than a dramatic event. 

Her story is one of optimism, curiosity, and patience - it took her a decade to solve her mystery, and many questions remain unanswered. She discusses how she uncovered the truth and why she ultimately feels like her DNA surprise revealed that she had the best of both worlds.

Thank you for sharing your story, Joan.

Do you have a DNA surprise you'd like to share? Submit your story at ⁠www.dnasurprises.com⁠.

Get early access to ad-free episodes by joining the ⁠DNA Surprises Patreon community⁠!

Welcome to the 100th episode of DNA surprises! OK, technically I’ve had more than 100 episodes already, but this is the 100th DNA Surprise story I’ve had the privilege of sharing with you all.

So, in celebration of 100 episodes, I thought we’d take it allll the way back to the beginning. In this week’s episode, I’m joined once again by Yvette, my very first guest on the podcast. 

I am eternally grateful to those Season 1 guests. They responded to my call for guests with no guarantees on how their stories would be told or where. They trusted me with one of the most difficult experiences of their lives - and that’s where this all began.

If you haven’t yet listened to Yvette’s story, I’ll give you a quick recap here, but I encourage you to pause this episode and go back to Season 1, episode one: Yvette’s DNA Surprise. In our first conversation, Yvette was coming fresh off of her DNA surprise. She’d figured out who her biological father was, and actually remembered meeting him one time in her life before he died. She had connected with her newfound siblings but hadn’t yet had the opportunity to meet them. Yvette had also gone no contact with her mother because of her anger and pain about the secret. 

One of the biggest sources of joy in her story was her ethnic shift, with the discovery of her Sicilian heritage. Yvette felt immediately connected to her ancestors when she learned about this background and immersed herself in learning about the food and culture. One of the biggest sources of her pain is around the missed opportunity to connect with her biological father, who she seemingly shared countless similarities with.

That was nearly two and half years ago, and in this week’s episode, Yvette joined me to share where things are now. She shares how she’s continued to navigate her ethnic shift and build deep connections with her Sicilian roots. She also gives a surprising update on her relationship with her siblings and tells us where things currently stand with her mother. 

Thank you for sharing your story with us again, Yvette.

Do you have a DNA surprise you'd like to share? Submit your story at ⁠www.dnasurprises.com⁠.

Get early access to ad-free episodes by joining the ⁠DNA Surprises Patreon community⁠!

It’s your story. You have the right to tell it. This is something we hear a lot in the DNA surprise community - I say it a lot myself. In this week’s episode, Ruby shares a unique perspective on this philosophy.

Ruby took her DNA test expecting to learn more about her Mexican heritage, and instead uncovers a half-sibling and learns her biological father is different from the man who raised her. Ruby reflects on her childhood suspicions, her complex relationships with her parents, and navigating the newfound truth. 

She discusses the impact on her mental health, the role of therapy, and how she plans to incorporate her experience into her work as an artist. Thank you for sharing your story, Ruby. 

Do you have a DNA surprise you'd like to share? Submit your story at ⁠www.dnasurprises.com⁠.

Get early access to ad-free episodes by joining the ⁠DNA Surprises Patreon community⁠!

What would you do if you found out that your biological father wasn’t the man who raised you, but someone you’d known in the periphery of much of your life? Someone who’d photographed weddings, even done your taxes? In this episode, Beth shares her journey after discovering her biological father was a long-time colleague of her mother.

Beth talks about the strong connections she had with her birth certificate father and who she believed was her paternal grandmother, and the feelings she experienced after learning the truth. She reveals how she’s formed a close relationship with her biological father and maintains a lot of compassion for her mother.

Thank you for sharing your story, Beth.

Do you have a DNA surprise you'd like to share? Submit your story at www.dnasurprises.com.

Get early access to ad-free episodes by joining the DNA Surprises Patreon community!

What never fails to surprise me is how innocently DNA surprises begin. In this episode, we hear from Doe - yes, that’s a pseudonym - who uncovered her  DNA surprise in 2021. 

A skillful genealogist, Doe bought a DNA test for her husband, who was curious about his family history. As it just so happened, she purchased the test during a buy one, get one free sale, so she decided to take a test herself. When she received her results, she learned that not only was her birth certificate father not her biological father, but that the story she’d always believed about her mother was false.

In this episode, she shares how the discovery and the continued secrecy have affected her, and how she uses her experience to help others.

Thank you for sharing your story, Doe.

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Welcome to the Season 8 finale of DNA Surprises. 

In this episode, I’m joined by Deanna, who shares her NPE story. Deanna has experienced unspeakable amounts of hardship in her life, from abandonment to abuse to her DNA discovery. 
Her story is difficult - and powerful. You’ll hear how she’s still reckoning with the what-might-have-beens and the whys. You’ll also learn how she’s moving forward, including being the person she needed when she was younger. 

Thank you for sharing your story, Deanna.

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Every DNA Surprise is unique—the who, what, when, and why surrounding an NPE vary from person to person. Still, after nearly 100 interviews, I’ve noticed consistent themes in these stories. One of those themes is a complicated mother-child relationship. 

When Jennifer took her DNA test, she had no idea that her family tree would change forever. As it turns out, both her mother and grandmother had relationships with the same man, making Jennifer’s aunts also her sisters, and her cousins also her nieces and nephews. To add some clarity here, this man is not Jennifer’s grandfather - he is a man that her grandmother had an affair with, resulting in two of her aunts. She discusses how she’s faced the shame and stigma of this complicated story, and how she’s navigated her relationship with her mother.

Jennifer and I spend quite a bit of time talking about the mother-daughter dynamic, and how she was able to radically accept their relationship for what it is - not what she wants it to be. If you’re currently struggling with this part of your story, I hope this conversation helps you.

Thank you to Jennifer for so openly sharing her feelings on this, as well as her story.

Resources:

• Contact: [email protected]

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DNA Surprises are confusing. They’re confusing for the people they happen to as they try to make sense of newfound information. With so many characters, twists, and turns in each story, they’re also confusing for people listening to DNA Surprises stories.

This week’s DNA surprise story is no exception. In fact, it features a triple-NPE. So before we begin, I’m going to break down who’s who.

Jessica grew up with a birth certificate dad, who she believed was her biological father. We’ll refer to him as Dad 1. She will go on to tell us about her stepfather, who, after a series of events, becomes Bio Dad 2.  Her mother then reveals the truth, or so Jessica thinks - and she identifies Bio Dad 3. To be clear, none of these men are her biological father.

Jessica shares the long and winding road she took to finally identifying her true biological father, with the help of an Ancestry DNA test and her detective skills. She also reveals how she’s navigating a new relationship with her bio dad and an ethnicity shift that uprooted her from a strong Italian heritage. 

Thank you for sharing your story, Jessica.

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To paraphrase The Beatles, we get by with a little help from our friends. This is especially true when it comes to DNA Surprises. In this week’s episode, coworkers Robyn and Ida share their NPE discoveries, which happened right around the same time. In fact, Robyn used her genealogy skills to identify Ida’s father.

They each reflect on their personal journeys and how they’ve supported each other as they navigate their emotions. While every journey is unique, Ida and Robyn share many similarities. Their biological fathers have accepted both and both have understanding and empathy for their mothers.

Thank you to both Robyn and Ida for sharing your stories.

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