In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I speak with therapist Venessa De La Cruz about betrayal trauma. Venessa will facilitate a session on Betrayal Trauma at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22 in Phoenix, AZ.

She defines what betrayal trauma is and how things like DNA surprises can manifest for us both physically and mentally. We also dive into how to begin rebuilding trust again.

If this discussion resonated with you, join us at the DNA Surprise Retreat this year, where we will cover this and more topics in community with people who understand the emotions that follow a DNA Surprise.

Resources:

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So many DNA surprises start with a gift. Mothers Day. Fathers Day. Prime Day. Christmas. Almost every month, consumer DNA testing companies offer deals encouraging people to give a DNA test as a present. If you’re listening to this podcast, you know how this sometimes turns out.

In this week's episode, Shannon shares how after receiving a DNA test as a gift from a friend, she learned that her birth certificate father is not genetically related to her. As it turns out, her biological father was a well-known figure in the small town she was raised in. She tells us how this discovery has affected her family and her sense of identity, and how she’s building a relationship with her newfound siblings.

Thank you for sharing your story, Shannon.

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This special episode of DNA Surprises features Megan Irwin, a licensed therapist specializing in grief, loss, trauma, and PTSD. Megan will facilitate a session on parts work at the 2024 DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22 in Phoenix, AZ.

During our discussion, we covered what parts work is (and isn’t) and why people typically think of it in terms of their inner child. Megan shared how recognizing and freeing our parts leads to a greater sense of harmony within oneself. We also chatted about her session at the retreat.

If this discussion resonated with you, join us at the DNA Surprise Retreat this year, where we will cover this and more topics in community with people who understand the emotions that follow a DNA Surprise.

Resources:

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Race. Ethnicity. Heritage. These are complex topics without the added nuance of a DNA surprise. Author Janeen Jackson grew up with two younger brothers and her parents in an African American household. In this week’s episode, she shares how, through a DNA test, she not only learned that she is adopted, but that her biological father is a white man. 

Janeen discusses the complexities of navigating familial bonds, and her journey to acceptance and understanding. She also reveals the purpose behind her children’s book, Hello, Sweet Baby An Adoption Journey which helps children and adults navigate and understand the nuances of adoption and identity.

Thank you for sharing your story, Janeen.

Resources:

Hello, Sweet Baby An Adoption Journey

Blog: Mixed-Up Diary

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If there is one thing I hope we can all agree on, it’s that families come in all shapes and sizes. Many people with DNA surprises end up with two, three, or more fathers and just as many mothers, too. 

When Steve experienced his DNA surprise, he already had two men in his life that he called “Dad.” After he learned the truth about who his biological father is, he added a third to his list. In this week’s episode, Steve shares how he uncovered the truth. Trust me when I say, it’s an extremely unique story, and not much surprises me these days. 

Thank you for sharing your story, Steve.

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Most of the time, when I speak to people on the podcast, we learn that the reason they took the test was out of curiosity or for fun. Maybe they were given the DNA test as a gift from a friend or significant other. So imagine my surprise when I learned that this week’s guest was given her Ancestry DNA kit by her mother.

Welcome to Season 8 of DNA Surprises. In this week’s episode, Julie shares how she uncovered the truth about her paternity after her mom gifted her a DNA test. She recalls her “party people” parents and a childhood spent around the world after they divorced and her mother remarried. As we often say on this podcast, DNA surprises can happen to anyone, of any background. From conservative upbringings to more unconventional lifestyles, there are no rules about who can be rocked by the shocking results of a DNA test.

Thank you for sharing your story, Julie.

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There is never a good time to discover that the man you’ve called “Dad” for your entire life isn’t biologically related to you, but I imagine that having this realization as he lays in a hospital bed, dying, must be among the worst.

In the season 7 finale of DNA Surprises, Dana Schmalenberg shares how she uncovered the truth that both of her parents held tightly until the day her father passed. She reveals the shocking truth about her biological father, a man who fathered 9 other children, many of whom share strange similarities.

She also reveals how her DNA discovery led her to a new career path, and why she created a new resource for her fellow NPEs. Thank you for sharing your story Dana.

Resources:

https://www.navigationalnarratives.com

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Many of us who have had DNA surprises spend some time wondering “What if?” What if we’d been raised in a different house, with our newly discovered biological parent? What if we’d known the truth from the beginning? What would our lives look like now? Would they be better? Or…would they be worse?

In this week’s episode, Lisa shares how she uncovered her shocking DNA surprise, learning that her biological father is her dad’s best friend. She shares how she’s built beautiful relationships with her newfound family, which has led to her wonder what life would have been like if she’d known them earlier. Ultimately, she reveals why she believes everything it happened as it should.

Thank you for sharing your story, Lisa.

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Picture this: you grow up with a sibling who is convinced they are not your dad’s biological child. No one knows about DNA surprises or NPEs or anything like that, but they just know their dad isn't THEIR dad. Years later, after commercial DNA testing becomes commonplace, you offer them some peace of mind. All of your siblings take a test to prove, once and for all, that your parents are the biological parents of all of your siblings.

Except…they aren’t. Only it’s not your sibling who is the NPE. It’s you. In this week’s episode, Pat shares how she learned in her sixties that she doesn’t share a biological father with her siblings. She discusses how she was able to piece together a story long after the main players have passed, and how she’s forged new relationships with found family.

Thank you for sharing your story, Pat.
Resources:

Who Even Am I Anymore?
DNAngels

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