Dopamine Diaries

This is a special episode. A very special episode because one year ago, today, I started day one of the very first round of HBA.

In this conversation, I'm talking about what it has been like for me to 100% commit to something for a year. I share why I've never maintained this level of energy with anything else, what I learned from launching HBA every single day for 365 days straight, and why the reasons you think you're sabotaging something are not actually the reasons.

I talk about building tolerance to stay in discomfort when you're not getting the dopamine you want, the all or nothing pattern that was stronger than I knew, and what it's like to close my laptop and feel satisfied even when things aren't going the way I want them to.

If you're stuck in the disconnect between what you say you want and what you actually do. 

If you've always been either all in or all out. 

If you've spent a lot of your days being brutally mean to yourself.

Life is so much different when you're not spending most of the 24 hours you have each day fighting off a fire alarm in your head for reasons that aren't even obvious.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I'm here with my husband and his parents, some of my in-laws. Three of us have had some wine. 

We thought it'd be really cool to do a podcast together. I asked ChatGPT to help me with some prompting, so if it sounds like I'm reading from a script, I am.

We got into it. My father-in-law's rags to riches story and the moment he realized chasing the next dollar amount never actually fulfilled him. 

My mother-in-law admitting she never cared about success, only that her kids were happy. 

My husband on detaching from failure during his PhD, and why the "school of hard knocks" moment with his dad changed everything.

In this one:

• Who gave each of them their original definition of success (parents, bosses, fear, comparison)
• The regret my father-in-law shared about chasing the future instead of being in the moment
• Why "gratitude is the attitude that will take you to the highest altitude in life"
• What we each hope the next generation takes away about ambition, work, and family

If you're someone in the middle of figuring your life out, and you've been chasing success without asking whether it's actually happiness you're after, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

This is gonna be like a charcuterie board of a podcast update. But this is my safe space, right?

I'm talking about a client I've worked with for years, someone who's done HBA and is in therapy, and the wild shift I've witnessed in her over our weekly calls. I get into the difference between being numb and actually feeling everything while still staying neutral, and why the progress that can't be captured in a before-and-after picture might be the progress that matters most.

Then I pivot to something I don't think I've ever talked about on this podcast before. A KPI that nobody in the business world seems to measure, but that I think every working mom and business owning mom needs.

In this one:

• The difference between shutting emotions down and actually feeling them while staying grounded
• The thing that can act like a fire extinguisher for the emotional seasons of business
• The KPI nobody in business talks about but should
• A reframe for the moments you feel like you're failing as a mom

If you've had an incredible month in your career and still felt like you failed as a mom, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I got a fun episode for you today. This might not be revolutionary to some of you, and for others, it's gonna be a "duh, why am I not doing this" moment.

I'm talking about why your brain won't shut off at night, and it's not actually because you're scrolling before bed. I get into why your brain is highly impressionable in the first 15 minutes of your day, what happens when you reach for your phone before your feet even hit the floor, and why it's both a nervous system problem and a brain input problem, not just one or the other.

In this one:

• Why scrolling before bed isn't actually the reason you can't fall asleep
• What "brain zaps" are and why they're sent first thing in the morning
• The one tiny thing you can control that changes your baseline for the entire day
• Why every single part of HBA is built around this exact concept

If you lay down at night and your brain just won't turn off, no matter how tired your body is, this one's for you.

Want a full list of mental buffers I call The Transitions Toolkit?  Grab them for FREE in Healthy B*tches Anonymous

Healthy B*tches Anonymous 20% OFF 

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It's 9pm on a weeknight. I'm sitting here with my husband, both of us basically bedtime-ready, and we thought it'd be fun to do a joint episode on the difference between newborn parenting and where we're at now with toddler parenting.

We get into the mental marathon of the newborn stage versus the different breed of chaos that comes with a toddler. 

My husband on realizing how selfish he didn't know he was before becoming a dad. 

And a whole tangent on perfectionism, all or nothing thinking, and why cutting a walk short on purpose taught him more than hitting his mileage goal ever did.

In this one:

• The real difference between mom and dad in the newborn stage versus now
• Why my husband spent months trying to rediscover himself outside of the gym, guitar, and video games
• The walking habit that changed how he thinks about everything
• Why perfectionism might just be an excuse to avoid doing the thing

If you've ever felt like you gave up all of yourself the second you became a parent, and you're still trying to figure out how to get some of it back, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

So… I’ve been sitting on this one.

Because I wanted to say it perfectly, which, spoiler alert, is exactly the shit this episode is about.

I talk about the silent battle so many high-achieving women are fighting, chasing the promotion, the client, the income thinking it’ll finally be enough… and still feeling hollow AF after.

I share things about my career as an entrepreneur I have never said out loud. 

If you’ve ever had a “win” that made you want to cry instead of celebrate?

Yeah. You need to hear this one.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I just finished a 45 minute full body lift I didn't want to do. But this episode isn't really about the workout.

I'm talking about a client, a working mom in a high pressure role, who told me about the day she got to drive home in complete silence before switching into mom mode. She said it changed everything about how she showed up at home. 

That got me thinking about mental speed bumps, the buffers we need throughout the day that don't require a 30 minute drive alone or begging your husband for an hour to yourself.

I get into why motherhood is overstimulating (yes, even when you love it), why waiting for those rare silent moments isn't a real strategy, and what it looks like to build internal pauses into the middle of a chaotic dinner or a stressful workday.

In this one:

• Why performative rest (errands done in silence) isn't actually rest
• Two client screenshots of catching a spiral mid-way and using a buffer instead
• Why building resilience matters more than trying to make the load lighter

If you love your work, love being a mom, and still feel like you're holding way too much most days, this one's for you.

Want a full list of mental buffers I call The Transitions Toolkit?  Grab them for FREE in Healthy B*tches Anonymous

Healthy B*tches Anonymous 20% OFF 

Dm me on IG

I'm on a walk right now. But inspiration struck and I had to get this out.

Yesterday I was ravenous. Had a hard day, ate some Oreos.

This morning, while adjusting my bracelet, I got transported straight back to 2015-2018. A version of me who used food to survive commutes I cried through. A marriage that wasn't working. A version of myself I didn't recognize.

I talk about what that cycle actually felt like. Waking up feeling like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. And why I don't live that way anymore.

I get into why every single thing we struggle with (emotional eating, procrastination, time management, self-sabotage, dating patterns) is a symptom of the same underlying programming issue. Why I can't put HBA in a box. It tackles the programming of your unique software and helps you rewrite it in a way that actually serves you.

In this one:

• The memory that hit me mid-walk
• Why food was never really the issue back then
• What it actually looks like to pause before a pattern takes over
• Why HBA touches everything from emotional eating to how you show up in relationships

If you've ever felt like a puppet controlled by your own patterns, fully aware but unable to stop, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I'm usually not one to respond to drama. But this one, I'm responding to.

It's been brought to my attention that some people don't like what I have to say about motherhood and career. Some people think I'm choosing everything over my daughter.

To that, I'd say fuck you.

I get into the whiplash of scrolling Taylor Swift excitement straight into the state of the world this morning, why I'm allowed to call sleep deprivation a burden without resenting motherhood, and why "we're just sharing our experience" while throwing stones at other moms is still toxicity.

In this one:

• The claim about my career that made me want to respond
• The moment of emotional whiplash that shaped this whole episode
• Why I don't shame any mother for her choices, but I won't stay quiet either

If you've ever felt shamed for having passions outside the four walls of your home, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

We're two weeks out from the one year anniversary of this podcast. And this morning I sat down and asked myself something I haven't fully answered yet: what is my actual zone of genius?

I talk about the women who land in my work, composed on the outside, but one podcast, one Pinterest quote, and one cortisol spike away from combusting.

Women who've done the coaching, the books, the breath work, the therapy, and are still spiraling mid carpool, mid pickup, wondering why they feel so disconnected from a life they technically chose.

I get into the lie we've all been taught, that healing has to hurt to work, that if it doesn't break us in half, split us down the center, we must not have gone deep enough. And why my genius actually lives in the tiny micro pivots, the shuffle steps.

In this one:

• The shift from rage cleaning to pausing, my personal favorite
• Why I don't fix you, because there's nothing broken about you
• What it actually means to stay within your lived experience, even when it's uncomfortable, even when it's messy

If you're hyper capable, put together on the outside, and quietly unraveling underneath, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba