Dopamine Diaries

Judge me for this, resisting the Xanax urge today.

Yes, that's happening. Right at the start of this new season of business, I felt excitement, courage, delusional confidence. And now? Freeze has also entered the fucking chat.

I get real about what a freeze response actually feels like, why the work I'm avoiding isn't even hard, and why I almost didn't record this episode because of shame.

I talk about the cycle so many of us live in. Super excited about something new, then panic, then walking away and not even being able to explain why. And why that cycle, more than anything else, is what fuels the inner critic that says you're just never going to figure it out.

In this one:

• Why I'm walking away from my work today, and why that's not the mistake it sounds like
• The difference between brain work and body work when it comes to real change
• Why perfect doesn't exist, and what I'm choosing to do instead of chasing it

If you've ever gotten excited about something new, then quietly ghosted it a few days later without knowing why, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I'm getting ready for work right now, and I was like, you know what, I kind of want to do this episode right now.

I'm telling a story about my relationship history and what actually changed between the men I used to date and meeting my now husband. Spoiler: it has nothing to do with love languages.

I get into the justification pattern I lived in for years, the moment in 2021 when I said enough is enough, and why your nervous system pairs you with people who match your baseline.

In this one:

• Why you don't actually struggle with self-love, you struggle with having the capacity to practice it
• What it actually means to become someone you can trust and rely on
• Why the survival pattern you're stuck in isn't your fault, but it is your work to do

If you keep finding yourself in relationships you know you don't deserve but justify anyway, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I'm actually rage cleaning right now. True story.

I made a decision 15 minutes ago. A huge investment in my business. And I'm terrified. There's no reason why I should be terrified, but here we are.

I get into revisiting the list of intentions I made a year ago when I committed to a business coach, why sometimes we don't sabotage things because they're hard but because we've made a lot of progress, and what it feels like to step into a new identity as an entrepreneur that runs a more sophisticated business.

In this one:

• Why sabotage shows up most when you've actually done exceptionally well
• The roller coaster feeling of creeping up to the drop, knowing you'll survive
• Why I can't white knuckle my way to bigger without sacrificing presence with my daughter
• What it means to trust evidence you don't have yet

If you know you need to do the big scary thing and you don't know what to do with the scary excitement energy, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I welcomed a guest today, long time friend & fellow business owner Sammie Rodriguez.   She just celebrated two years in her business & I can vouch for how INCREDIBLE her product is!  We talked about the early grind of building a business & the time sacrifice involved, lessons learned along the way, & the difficult balance of scaling a business & still mothering at home.  

You can connect with her below:

Instagram - @mentalbakedownllc
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/share/1CAA7PbJR1/?mibextid=wwXIfr
(Mental Bake Down LLC)
Website: https://www.mycustombakes.com/mentalbakedownllc

I woke up out of a dead sleep at 4:11am because Dream Me was adamant I write something down before I forgot it.

I get into the content I wrote in my notepad at 4am, and the connection I made between a small bite of food from my toddler and spiraling into a day you can't control. 

I talk about why food becomes the thing your body reaches for when you're chronically shut down, and why control feels so good when your nervous system is dysregulated.

I close with a message from a client who spent four years trapped by the candy dish at work, and what's actually changed for her after 70 days.

In this one:

• The dream that had me writing content down at 4am
• Why food isn't actually a food issue, it's a nervous system issue
• A client's exact words about conquering her personal kryptonite

If you've ever felt out of control the second food touches your lips and thought "well, I already messed up, might as well," this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I just crossed one million dollars in revenue as an online entrepreneur. One-man show, no team, done through heartbreak, pregnancy, postpartum, no childcare.

I'm celebrating that today, but I also want to talk about the resistance I'm feeling around the next stage of my business. Ads, funnels, the backend stuff I've been avoiding for two years even though I know it's the next step.

I get into why that resistance is really just fear of the unknown, why sabotage is actually a form of self-protection, and what I'm asking myself instead: what would I need for this to feel safe?

In this one:

• Why I've put off ads and funnels even knowing they're the next step
• What sabotage actually protects you from
• The question to ask yourself when change feels overwhelming instead of exciting

If you know exactly what you need to do next but can't get your thumbs to click the link, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I once got a ladder and tried to scrub my ceilings with a wet paper towel. The ceilings were fine. I just needed something to control.

I'm talking about rage cleaning, why it gets a bad rap, and why I don't think it's actually the destructive habit people say it is. 

I get into the shift that happened once I learned to slow down mid-scrub instead of staying fully checked out, and why interrupting the pattern in the moment, not after the fact, is the actual skill worth building.

In this one:

• Why rage cleaning isn't the problem, doing it on autopilot is
• What it looks like to catch yourself mid-rage and intentionally slow down
• Why disconnection, not the coping habit itself, is what drives the exhaustion

If you've ever needed a podcast in your ears just to drown out the silence while you scrub something that wasn't even dirty, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I've been procrastinating recording this episode for a couple days. So this one's a bit of a charcuterie board.

I'm talking about why I'm up 10 pounds and a pair of jeans that fit at one year postpartum feel too snug now. Not a true reflection of what I know I'm capable of. I get into why, and why I've been negotiating with myself and making excuses more than I actually needed to.

Then I pivot into launch week for HBA round five. It's been an absolute mind fuck to see the difference this time, and to realize the goal I set for this launch might just be a reflection of the same urgency patterns I've been unraveling all along.

In this one:

• The difference between real capacity loss and negotiating with yourself
• Why understanding your nervous system is a superpower nobody talks about
• Catching myself mid-launch reaching for a new strategy instead of trusting what's already working

If you've ever looked at where you're at and assumed it means something is broken about you, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

Working mom of a multi-six figure business that is doing it all.  Hear how Brittany Kovac's experience in HBA has changed everything.

I sat down with her to talk about it. Nothing's changed and everything's changed, she told me, still three very small, very demanding children, but a completely different relationship with how she gets through the hard moments.

We get into why she jumped into HBA even while we were already working one-on-one, the tuba analogy that's stuck with her ever since (and made its way into marriage counseling), and the lifeline she used on a night dinner completely fell apart.

In this one:

• Why round one felt amazing but round two is about resolidifying
• The sponge and tuba analogies that made things click
• What she'd say to anyone who's tried coaching before and it didn't work

If you've invested in every program, every coach, every quick fix and you're tired of putting band-aids on the same problems, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I'm on a walk right now, so you might hear birds and traffic.

This morning I was scrolling through a year and a half of videos I'd sent my mother-in-law of my daughter, and I realized something. For a lot of those early ones, what I remembered wasn't actually her. It was the noise in my head, being there but not really there.

I get into why that blur, that disconnection from presence, has been so normalized for postpartum moms, and what HBA actually is (eight minutes, straight to your phone, no modules, no certificates). I also talk about the lifelines feature a therapist described as brilliant for disrupting the stress cycle in real time.

In this one:

• Why watching old videos hit different this time
• What it means to feel safe in your body versus just being aware of what's happening in it
• What one client experienced after just two days, eight minutes at a time

If you've ever looked back on a memory and wondered where you even were for it, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba