Dopamine Diaries

I took the month of May to just be still. Not time off. Actually still.

I get into an insecurity I've never really talked about, the last 5% of my potential I've always walked away from right at the beginning of reaching it. And why stillness, not more output, was what finally let me give it.

I talk about what changed in HBA because of that, why I completely reworked the curriculum, and what happens when a high achiever finally quiets the noise in her head.

In this one:

• The insecurity I've carried about never pushing that last 5%
• Why stillness gave me capacity I didn't know I had
• What actually changed inside HBA because of it

If you've built a lot of good things in your life but always suspected you were holding back that last little bit, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I sat down with Kayla, a mom of two juggling a business of her own and trying not to show up feeling like a chicken with her head cut off most days.

We get into what actually drew her to HBA (spoiler: it wasn't workouts or nutrition, she'd tried that already), why releasing the reins on control was the biggest shift she's noticed, and the pause she's learned to put between what's happening and the explosion she used to default to.

In this one:

• Why HBA isn't a health and fitness program, even with "healthy" in the name
• The concept of an addiction to overwhelm that she couldn't stop repeating to her friends
• What she'd say to a mom who thinks she doesn't have time for this
• Why everything changes, but nothing changes

If you know you owe yourself the chance to be present without your mind racing through everything you still have to do, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I feel like a good mom today. I feel like a good wife today. I feel like a good woman today. And I need to explain why.

I'm talking about the year and a half I spent wondering when I'd finally wake up and feel good enough. Dinner especially, the guilt and shame around not having the mental bandwidth to figure it out. And what's different about today: potatoes and cheese, prepped, ready to go.

I get into what actually got me here, and the juggling analogy for what it's like to finally build a skill instead of just reading about it.

In this one:

• Why dinner became the thing that created the most guilt and shame
• What changed to get me to May 2025 finally feeling like I've arrived
• Everything changes, but nothing changes

If you've spent years wondering when motherhood is finally going to feel like enough, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I'm in a stressful season of life. Like really in it. And I can pinpoint the exact moments this year where I pushed past my limit without even realizing it.

I get into the physical signs I've been noticing (digestion, bloating, sleep, appetite, the caffeine cravings that make everything worse), and why my instinct, and probably yours too, is to fix it by controlling harder. More rigid routines, more restriction, more discipline. And why that always makes it worse.

I talk about what it actually looks like to give your body what it needs instead of what feels productive, and why the non-glamorous advice is usually the thing that actually works.

In this one:

• The physical cues that tell me I'm in a season of stress
• Why controlling harder always backfires
• What my non-negotiables actually look like right now
• Why surrender, not more control, is the real medicine

If you've tried to overwork, over-exercise, and over-discipline your way out of stress and it's never once actually worked, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I don't think I've ever been ready to talk about this. And I think the reason is I hadn't done the work yet myself.

I'm talking about my software (that's what I call the nervous system) and why postpartum was harder than it ever needed to be for me. 

I get into fight or flight and shutdown, the two states my system defaults to, and why sitting on the floor showing my daughter high contrast images felt like a threat when logically there was none.

I talk about what it looks like to shift from reactive to proactive with your nervous system, and why the state of your software directly impacts the software of your kids.

In this one:

• Why postpartum jarred my system in a way I didn't have words for at the time
• What it means for your nervous system to have a tempo it thinks it needs to survive
• Why modeling dysregulation to your children matters more than you think

If you've ever felt like something is wrong but you can't find the words for the discomfort, this one's for you.

Want a full list of mental buffers I call The Transitions Toolkit?  Grab them for FREE in Healthy B*tches Anonymous

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I've been stewing on recording this one for a couple weeks. So this time, I actually took notes first.

I'm talking about everything in my life that changed once I finally stopped being an emotional eater and a stress eater. 

In 2017, I was 95 pounds heavier, eating in my car between sales calls, hiding in baggy blazers because of the shame. I get into what actually shifted once I fixed the root of the problem: nervous system dysregulation, not willpower.

I also share why I created my new 10-day program, Control Your Cravings, built to be what I needed back in 2017.

In this one:

• Why emotional eating isn't just about negative emotions, sometimes it shows up when you're celebrating
• The Christmas party memory I'll never forget
• Why willpower was never the actual problem

If you've ever eaten in secret, avoided photos, or panicked your way through a potluck table, this one's for you.

Grab Control Your Cravings for 80% off. 

I spent 30 minutes this morning going back and forth on whether to cycle. I'm gonna do it. No, I'm not. I'm gonna do it. No, I'm okay.

I get into the lesson I've learned from that: if you're spinning your wheels going back and forth on something, that's your answer, you just need to do it. 

I also talk about the difference between talking yourself out of a feeling and feeling your way through it, and why your body doesn't speak the same language your brain does.

In this one:

• Why the pendulum swing itself is the answer
• The difference between talking yourself out of a feeling and feeling your way through it
• What it means to break a pattern of not following through on promises to yourself

If you've ever talked yourself in circles about something simple and still couldn't get yourself to do it, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I was gonna put this in an email, but I couldn't get it to type out right. So here we are.

I'm talking about letting your body lead you instead of your brain, and why that's actually messier than it sounds. 

I get into a conversation I had with a client about alcohol and all or nothing thinking, why I caught myself shaming my own choice to work at the dining room table instead of my office, and why regulation isn't neat and tidy, dysregulation is the thing that's actually rigid.

In this one:

• Why letting your body decide instead of your brain can feel like an aha moment
• The day I sat on the floor of my closet to work and why that was exactly right
• Why regulation is messy and dysregulation is what actually follows strict rules
• Giving yourself permission to do something imperfectly instead of not at all

If you're high-functioning, overachieving, and stuck in strict guidelines and control, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I want you guys to think of that song, under pressure, di di di di di, while you listen to this one.

I'm talking about the brain and pressure, specifically why we need the just right amount to actually operate at our peak. 

I get into why motherhood ended up being the exact pressure I needed to finally step out of a burnout cycle I couldn't shake for years, and what happened when I started unraveling my need to always be doing, always producing.

In this one:

• Why not enough pressure and too much pressure both lead to giving up
• The difference between doing a lot and drowning versus doing the same amount and feeling capable
• Why your just right amount is completely unique to you

If you've been burnt out at the peak of your success and wondered how being successful could feel this miserable, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba

I'm doing this episode while I'm finishing my makeup. Benefits of podcasting from your phone.

This morning I watched Pride and Prejudice before starting work, and it got me thinking about how much stress has evolved since the 1800s, and whether our ability to manage it has evolved at the same pace. Spoiler: it hasn't.

I get into the mental tabs that stay open all the time once you become a parent, and why the stress management strategies you've been using for the last 10 years clearly aren't working anymore.

In this one:

• Why the techniques that worked in 2010 aren't going to work at today's pace
• The mental tabs that never fully close once you're a parent
• Why HBA is for literally everyone with a brain

If you're tired but wired, forgetting things constantly, and can't figure out why nothing you've tried actually works anymore, this one's for you.

HBA: https://www.mnmfitnessco.com/hba