“I’m part gargoyle is what I tell people. Because I’m turning to stone. I literally am.”

Shutes was living the dream—college basketball national champion, Player of the Year, in the best shape of her life—when strange symptoms started appearing. Numbness in her hands. A sore that wouldn’t heal. She was initially misdiagnosed with lupus before a doctor recognized the signs and finally told her the truth: she has scleroderma, a rare and incurable autoimmune disease.

Scleroderma causes the body to produce too much collagen, creating a kind of fibrosis that hardens the body from the inside out. As Shutes says with what you’ll learn is her incredible sense of humor—“I’m part gargoyle!” But of course, beneath that humor is the difficult reality of watching your hands curl into permanent contractures, your jaw dissolve, your lungs stiffen to 56% capacity, and food getting stuck in an esophagus that can no longer move it along.

In this deeply honest conversation with Cody, Shutes explains the daily and long-term realities of living with this rare and rarely discussed disease, as well as the isolation that persists even when you have community, the relationships that end because people can’t handle your new reality, the exhaustion of coordinating every basic need, and the choice between living safely or living fully.

She also opens up about navigating eating disorder recovery while her disease makes swallowing nearly impossible and feeding tubes loom on the horizon. She talks about losing the athlete’s body she once had, the grief of not being able to play basketball with her son, and the intentional choice she makes every day to go hard, crash, and get back up again. Because for her, it’s the living that’s most important. Consequences be damned...or at least accepted.

Follow Shutes on social media @SheShutes

This episode is dedicated to Javeeda, who put us in touch with Shutes. Javeeda was a beloved guest of Season 2 and a dear friend of the podcast. She died

This episode is dedicated to Javeeda, a beloved guest of Season 2 and dear friend of the podcast who connected Shutes with us. Javeeda died last week after living with her own rare cancer for many years. 

Cody gives us one more update on Joe's progress and shares his thoughts on what it means to facing turning points in our lives, the nature of life's uncertainty—particularly in the context of palliative care—and the difficulty of preparing for the unknown. Cody reflects on the need to have faith in one's ability to navigate through uncertain times, celebrating the small certainties in life while accepting that uncertainty is an inherent and unavoidable part of existence. 

If you haven't listened to Joe's episode or his callback, you can find them on our website:

https://dttypodcast.com/episodes/s3e10-joe

“The people we have on the podcast, they’re just so special.”

Cody and Chris (that’s us!) sit down to toast three amazing years of Dying to Tell You for their annual Thanksgiving gratitudes. As always, we are deeply grateful to the guests who have shared their time and their experiences with us and, through us, with so many others out in the world. Their words, their insights, their emotions—all of it is a gift to anyone listening. And that includes us.

But that’s not all we’re grateful for. Sit with us for a minute if you want to hear more.

And one last gratitude we’d like to share is our appreciate for the partnership we have with the Iliff School of Theology. They’ve sponsored us this fall and we hope to continue that perfect partnership in the new year.

Joe was just 29 years old when a colonoscopy revealed stage four colorectal cancer—a diagnosis he'd put off for months despite troubling symptoms. What followed was years of surgeries, chemotherapy, an ileostomy, and the constant roller coaster of scans and treatment.

When Cody sat down with Joe nearly a year ago, he was doing well and treatment-free, but knowing that every three months a bad scan result could throw him right back into treatment.

Joe shares what it's like to feel physically healthy while mentally wrestling with uncertainty every three months. He talks about hard-won wisdom about being your own healthcare advocate, the challenge of balancing quality versus quantity of life, and finding meaning in the face of mortality. 

[Be sure to subscribe or check back in, as we followed up with Joe recently and will share that part of his story in our next full episode]

"What am I holding onto so tightly that I would never change?" 

Our guest last week (and the week before!), Becca, once declared she'd never undergo treatment again—until her cancer returned and she found herself asking how they'd treat it. We often know exactly what we're going to do in difficult situations...until we don't.

This week, Cody reflects on psychological flexibility and the profound courage it takes to change your mind. Why we hold so tightly to old stances, the hubris of declaring what we'd do in someone else's situation, and the strength required to grow and evolve. Join Cody for this brief but powerful exploration of identity, humility, and the grace of changing course.

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For more information on the sponsor of this episode, please visit the Iliff Death Care Collective.

"I wanted quality of life over quantity of life. If I have six months, then I will live the hell out of those six months. If I have 30 years, that would be fabulous."

After 18 months of cancer treatment that left her in constant pain, Becca made a choice that surprised even her doctors: she stopped treatment, even though it was working. Her scans show no evidence of active disease, yet she's chosen to prioritize quality of life over potentially extending her time. In this honest follow-up to her first episode—a Dying To Tell You Call Back!—Becca shares how she navigated this complex decision with her husband and adult children, what liberation feels like, and why a normal Monday making strawberry shortcake means more than any grand bucket list. She offers powerful insights on patient autonomy, the cost of staying alive, and finding peace outside the narrow confines of her evangelical upbringing. 

“Please—all of you people out there—don’t wait until you’re dying to see the beauty in life.”

Becca was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer at 34, went into remission, and eleven years later—when she thought she was in the clear—her cancer returned as stage four metastatic disease. What followed was a journey through brutal treatment side effects, painful decisions about quality versus quantity of life, and a profound reckoning with faith, value, and what it means to live authentically while dying.

In this week’s episode, Becca shares her experience leaving evangelical Christianity after her first diagnosis, wrestling with what makes a life worth living when you’re sleeping 14-15 hours a day, and the reality that even within cancer communities, certain truths feel taboo to speak.

She talks about the irony of saying “I’ll never treat again” and then, when faced with recurrence, immediately asking “How do we treat this?”

Becca’s story is filled with hard-won wisdom about flexibility, authenticity, and the surprising peace that can come from facing uncertainty without the answers she once relied on.

Tune in to hear Cody and Becca explore:

The gap between what we say we’ll do and what we actually do when facing terminal illness

Leaving evangelical Christianity and finding peace in uncertainty as an atheist facing death

Quality versus quantity of life: setting boundaries and taking treatment “vacations”

Redefining personal value from “a human doing” to “a human being”

The loneliness of dying and what’s taboo even in cancer communities

How “life isn’t fair” can cut both ways

Parenting through terminal illness and the legacy we leave in our children’s minds

Patient autonomy: “This is our life. We get to call the shots.”

Note: This episode includes a content warning regarding discussion of suicidal ideation and self-harm during Becca's first cancer diagnosis.

🚗💨 The Power of Pumping the Brakes...

In this episode, Cody reflects on last week's conversation with Lonnie about the importance of finding meaning and purpose in life, especially when previous sources of meaning are no longer available. Cody delves into the concept of the therapeutic pause and pumping the brakes—taking time to process and make thoughtful decisions in high-stress situations.

Drawing from his own experiences in the hospital, Cody discusses how slowing down can help patients and their families cope better with life-changing diagnoses, and how this principle can be applied to our everyday lives. Take a moment to gather yourself and find the peaceful space between stimulus and response.

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For more information on the sponsor of this episode, please visit the Iliff Death Care Collective.

"I didn't want to survive. I wanted to live. I knew that I wanted to live."

In this episode of Dying to Tell You, Cody sits down with Lonnie, who is living with stage 4 metastatic prostate cancer. Lonnie shares his story from the onset of symptoms to his diagnosis and how he has become an advocate for those living with cancer via social media. He speaks candidly about the emotional rollercoaster, the importance of mental health support, and choosing quality of life over quantity. Lonnie emphasizes the value of support systems and the power of sharing one's story. 

Join us to hear Lonnie's heartfelt journey and his inspiring approach to life, even in the face of a terminal diagnosis.

Some of the incredibly important aspects Lonnie touches on include:

You can find Lonnie on social media @lonnievh

For more information on the sponsor of this episode, please visit the Iliff Death Care Collective (https://www.iliffdeathcare.com/).