One of my core friendship philosophies is that my spouse is not my best friend. 

When I talk about this, people raise their eyebrows. Some assume our marriage is in trouble or that we're ill matched. It has become so common in romantic relationship culture to claim that you're married to your best friend that anything else seems unhealthy. 

But while my husband Jeff is the most important person in my life, he is NOT my best friend. He's my partner. My co parent. My lover. I have best friends, and those relationships are different. Early in our marriage, when I tried to make Jeff be my best friend, the pressure for him (and me) to be all things to one another was too much. 

We both needed and wanted lots of different types of relationships in our lives. Our marriage was stronger when we were closely connected to our friends.

I write more about this in my new book The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs, but I wanted you to hear Jeff and I talk about it with each other. We don't have the exact same take on this topic, and our perspectives shift with age and in various seasons, as almost everything does.

My hope is that this conversation will give you something to think about that counters the current cultural ideal that our partners have to be our best friends. Maybe it will become a talking point with YOUR partner or with your best friends.  

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