Have you ever felt like you’ve been living as a version of yourself that isn’t quite you—the one who smiles when exhausted, says “I’m fine” when breaking, and keeps the peace even when your soul is screaming for truth?

While most healing advice focuses on moving forward, real transformation happens when you come home to yourself. In this powerful episode, psychologist, author, and sacred artist Dr Thema Bryant reveals the journey from trauma to truth and what it truly means to reclaim your authentic self after years of people-pleasing and self-abandonment.

Dr Thema Bryant isn’t just a psychologist who studies healing—she’s a healer who has walked her own journey through trauma and transformation. As a survivor of sexual violence, she discovered that reclaiming her body through dance protected her relationship with herself during the healing process.

With a doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Duke University, post-doctoral training at Harvard Medical Centre’s Victims of Violence Program, and as the 2023 president of the American Psychological Association, Dr Thema combines academic excellence with deeply personal wisdom. Her recently released book, Matters of the Heart (Penguin Random House, February 2025), empowers readers to heal their relationships with themselves and others.

Dr Thema’s most powerful insight: “To come home to myself is to tell myself the truth and to live based on that truth.”

When we experience interpersonal trauma, we develop survival mechanisms that disconnect us from ourselves. We become experts at anticipating others’ needs, moulding ourselves to keep the peace, and sending our “representative” instead of our authentic self. This people-pleasing pattern may have kept us safe, but it keeps us living as side characters in our own lives.

“Healing doesn’t always feel good in the moment. Healing can feel awkward. It can feel messy. I’ve even had some people say it feels fake because they’re used to faking it.”

This discomfort triggers our deepest fears of abandonment and rejection. But here’s the liberating truth: you can be real and still be loved. While some people may walk away when you show up authentically, this creates space for genuine connections with kindred spirits who align with your true self.

Dr Thema reveals how many of us unconsciously make the people who hurt us the central characters in our lives. “Everything we do is in response to them—’I hope they see me now. Wait till they see me now.’ So they’re still the centre of it. I’m trying to prove my worthiness to them.”

The gift of healing is removing them from centre stage and showing up fully for your own life.

Dr Thema draws a critical distinction using Maya Angelou’s wisdom: “Surviving is necessary, but thriving is elegant.”

Survival is making it through each day. Thriving is developing your gifts, cultivating healthy relationships, building your strengths, and learning to be soft in places you’ve hardened. The journey requires moving beyond just relieving distress to experiencing genuine growth, purpose, and joy.

Some wounds we have, we actually inherited. Dr Thema encourages us to reflect on which lessons from our parents and ancestors are wisdom worth keeping, which need adjustment, and which should be released entirely. We can honour previous generations without duplicating patterns that no longer serve us.

On boundaries, Dr Thema offers revealing insight: from childhood, girls are conditioned through toys and social messaging to prioritise caretaking and self-sacrifice, while boys learn to advocate for themselves and pursue what they want. When you take care of yourself, people call it selfish—but that’s the conditioning we must unlearn.

Wake Up Before You Have to Get Up. Start your day nourishing yourself instead of rushing around feeling anxious. Create morning space for you.

Check Your Circle: Be careful about who you keep in your inner circle. Choose people aligned with your healing who see your value and worth.

Never Give Up on Chang.e You are not stuck. Whatever age you are, it’s not too late to grow, transform, and give yourself permission to try something different.

Dr Thema Bryant is a psychologist, author, professor, sacred artist, and minister leading the way in creating healthy relationships and healing trauma. She is a tenured professor at Pepperdine University, host of The Homecoming Podcast, and author of Matters of the Heart. Dr. Thema is an ordained elder in the African Methodist Episcopal Church and leads the mental health ministry at First A.M.E. Church in Los Angeles.

Coming home to yourself isn’t about learning more tactics. It’s about doing the internal work to tell yourself the truth, reclaim your voice, and live from the center of your being. When you can be authentic instead of performing, you unlock a level of freedom that changes everything.

You can watch the video of the conversation on YouTube

Find Out More About Dr. Thema Bryant

Website: drthema.com

Follow Dr Thema on Instagram: @dr.thema

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Grab Your Copy of Dr. Bryant’s Latest Book: Matters of the Heart (available now)