Every time someone asks me to suggest a grief book, I add Megan Devine’s bestselling book “It's ok that you’re not ok: meeting grief and loss in a culture that doesn’t understand” to the top of the list. It is a beautifully written testimonial of the messy, unpredictable, often judged process of grief. Megan is a psychotherapist, writer, and grief advocate. Her work has been featured widely in the media, including the New York Times, The Atlantic, Washington Post, GQ, Harvard Business Review, and NPR’s Marketplace. Her latest collaborative project, Speaking Grief, debuted in 2020, from PBS.

In this interview, she talks about how difficult it is for all of us to know how to help someone in grief. Not only that, but also how to examine our own views on loss. Here are some tips from our conversation:

- Practice listening to the pain. People don’t need to be corrected. They need to be heard.

- What we do out of our own discomfort. Avoid platitudes.

- It’s ok to lead with your awkwardness. We want to name it rather than manage the awkwardness.

My favorite:

“We can actually change the world just by being kinder and by listening, and not trying to solve somebody else’s pain for them. And by watching for those places where we feel catty about other people’s losses because what that really is is a message to ourselves that we don’t feel supported enough in our own lives and that’s valid.”

Find Megan Devine:

Book “It's ok that you’re not ok: meeting grief and loss in a culture that doesn’t understand”

- https://refugeingrief.com/book/

- PBS documentary “Speaking Grief:” https://speakinggrief.org/

- Webpage: https://refugeingrief.com/

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