Summary

This article discusses how to deal with professional disappointment in one's career. The speaker, a surgeon and coach, shares personal experiences and insights on navigating situations where expectations are unmet, work is unappreciated, or processes are biased. Key points include understanding the stages of disappointment, recognizing committee dynamics and biases, managing negative emotions, venting to trusted sources, avoiding victim mentality, focusing on the present moment, re-evaluating priorities and relationships, and finding renewed motivation. The speaker emphasizes the importance of processing pain healthily, letting go of what cannot be controlled, and remembering one's purpose.

Chapters

Introduction

The speaker introduces the topic of dealing with professional disappointment, acknowledging that everyone will face such situations in their career. As a surgeon and coach, the speaker aims to share insights and techniques for processing disappointment based on personal experiences.

Understanding Professional Disappointment

Professional disappointment often stems from unmet expectations, such as feeling underappreciated, mistrusted, or subjected to unfair processes. It can lead to stages like feeling stunned, frustrated, and even betrayed, especially when excluded from discussions or facing biases.

Challenges with Committees

Committees can be breeding grounds for biases, confirmation bias, stereotypes, group dynamics, emotional manipulation, and outdated thinking. Information can be framed in a way that poisons the well, and it's rare for everyone to review all details, leading to potential rubber-stamping.

Responding to Disappointment

When facing disappointment, one can choose to accept the outcome and process the pain or try to fight it. Gathering allies and explaining the situation can backfire if it involves too much commitment from others. Bringing in outside authorities or lawyers may also escalate the situation.

Avoiding Victim and Villain Mentality

It's important to avoid falling into a victim mentality, as it can lead to a lack of power and create villains who may turn the tables. Effective negotiation techniques involve seeing both sides and finding common ground, which can be difficult when feeling angry or betrayed.

Processing Negative Emotions

The speaker advises letting oneself feel negative emotions like grief, sadness, and betrayal, but not acting on them. Venting to trusted sources can be helpful, but it's important to understand that others may not always hear or support one's situation. Avoiding certain people or relationships may be necessary.

Living in the Present

Dwelling on the past or worrying about the future robs one of the present moment. It's important to focus on what can be controlled in the present and choose the feelings one wants to have, rather than drinking poison and hoping others suffer.

Re-evaluating Priorities and Relationships

Professional disappointment can be an opportunity to re-evaluate priorities, values, and relationships. It may be freeing to realize that others do not owe anything, and one can choose to drop obligations or activities that are not truly meaningful. Building new circles or finding a different job may be necessary.

Finding Renewed Motivation

Situations like these can help identify what is worth fighting for and what aligns with one's values and priorities. Dropping everything and then re-choosing what to pick up can lead to renewed motivation and a focus on what truly matters.

Conclusion

The speaker emphasizes the importance of remembering one's purpose, finding inspiration in those around them, and accepting that there are things in life that cannot be controlled. Professional disappointment can be a valuable lesson in personal growth and evolution.

Action Items