In this deeply personal and emotional episode of Brolapse, I open up about the traumatic medical emergency that changed my life: a colon perforation that happened just days before recording. I walk you through the harrowing series of events — from a seemingly normal shower before a shoot with Ashlll Bay, to the moment I felt something pop inside me, to the emergency surgery that followed.

I talk honestly about the physical and emotional aftermath — the unbearable pain, the Baker Act hold, waking up to a colostomy bag, and the crushing fear that I may never fist again. I share what it’s been like adjusting to life without the part of me that’s defined so much of my identity, how I’m learning to be “Ryan” without my hole, and how I’m trying to stay creative, positive, and connected to my fans in this forced downtime.

You’ll also hear about the memoir I just completed, why this podcast is more important than ever, how I’m navigating grief and identity, and the outpouring of support I’ve received — from GoFundMe donors to exes, friends, and even The Howard Stern Show and H3 Podcast, who both invited me back on to share my story.

💔 A must-listen if you’ve ever faced a life-changing moment and wondered: How the hell do I move forward from here?

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