The “What’s Really Going On?” Exercise.

Here’s why this matters: often the thing we think is the problem—the messy house, the distracted spouse, the missed deadline—isn’t the actual problem. What’s really going on is that we’ve attached meaning to the circumstance that doesn’t align with truth.

This exercise slows us down, helps us peel back the layers, and reveals the deeper thought fueling the feeling. When you see that root clearly, you can challenge it, reframe it, and anchor back into your true identity.

Step One: Write the Surface Situation Put on paper what you think is the problem. Don’t edit—just write it down. 👉 Prompt: “What I think is going on is…”

Step Two: Ask, “What’s Really Going On?” Now peel it back. Often the surface frustration points to a deeper fear or belief. Ask again and again until you reach the root. 👉 Prompts:

• “What’s underneath this feeling is…”
• “What I’m afraid this means about me is…”
• “The pattern I notice is…”

This is where you often uncover cognitive distortions—like catastrophizing, mind-reading, or personalization. Example: “They didn’t answer my text. That must mean they’re upset with me.” When you write it down, you can see: “Oh, I’m mind-reading. I don’t know that’s true.”

Step Three: Reframe and Realign Once you’ve spotted the false story, you can challenge it and choose a more helpful belief. 👉 Prompts:

• “A more balanced way to see this is…”
• “The truth about me is…”
• “The thought I want to practice instead is…”

Music by Aleksey Chistilin from Pixabay