Someone I love said something to me that felt cruel. I noticed that long after the heartfelt, sincere apologies were offered and received, there was still the icky ache in my stomach that I’m very, very familiar with.

Despite the forgiving, I noticed that there was still a holding onto it. As if it were money to be added to a savings account, I noticed with an “Ah-ha!” And an “Oh-oh!” And an “Oh Sh*t!” that part of me was kind of treasuring this hurt and adding it to the “I’m a victim” pile of memories and storied hurts.

It feels so icky, and so familiar. Safe. Known. But so painful. This pile has been established and added to throughout my whole life. I remember feeling this ache as a small child. 

So this time the hurt was added to the pile with new information. It is seen. Compassion rushes in. And a marveling that the body/mind has created this as a painfully necessary way to secure the identity. And that part of the identity is “victim.”

I suppose there must be villain moments. I hope not too many. I know in the incident the other day there was a projection onto the person’s hurtful remark as “villain.” All seen through this body-mind’s lens.

My question. Does the body/mind eventually give up this black/white view or does it continue, but as seen for the story it is? Is this the healing you talk of?