Has your partner lied to you about their finances?

Have you ever hid spending (or debt) from a partner?

Do you and your partner disagree about money - saving, spending, sharing, etc?

Do you struggle to talk about money without fighting?

What constitutes 'cheating' or financial fidelity?

Jess and Brandon discuss their experience with financial infidelity and dive into why people lie about money. They also share prompts & language to help you navigate sensitive conversations related to financial values.

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Financial Infidelity & How To Talk About Money

Episode 331

[00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:13] Brandon Ware: Today, we're going to be talking about financial infidelity,

[00:00:19] Jess O'Reilly: talking about money, money, money, honey. Okay. Are we good at talking about money with each other?

[00:00:26] Brandon Ware: I think we're good about talking about some aspects of money.

[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: Okay, let's start with the good.

[00:00:31] Brandon Ware: I think we communicate a lot when it comes to certain investment opportunities. Oh, sure. Uh, things like that. Um, I think we're both generally on the same page in terms of how much money we have. So those are some good things. I don't know. What do you, what are your thoughts?

[00:00:45] Jess O'Reilly: You know, it's funny. As soon as you start talking about money, especially, You know, with others in the room with us, so to speak, it's, uh, I get uncomfortable. Like I feel uncomfortable.

[00:00:56] Brandon Ware: I grew up with the understanding that talking about money was something you did not do. And it's becoming much more open now where people talk about how much money they make at work and how much money, um, I guess they, they want to have in the future and how much they currently have.

[00:01:10] Brandon Ware: But I did not grow up like that. You do not talk about money.

[00:01:13] Jess O'Reilly: No, and we, we do need that transparency because one, you know, exercise of power from people who do have money, who control the resources involves convincing everyone that we shouldn't talk about it so we don't know about their billions and whatnot.

[00:01:27] Jess O'Reilly: But I have to admit that it's definitely not in my background to talk about it. I can talk about it in specifics when it's relevant to the conversation. Like anytime I've done business with family, we've been very open, very straightforward about the projects themselves. But not about specifics that are personal.

[00:01:45] Jess O'Reilly: So I feel a little bit nervous, but we're going to get into it. So, okay. You said we're good at talking about certain things. What do we struggle with? Do you think?

[00:01:53] Brandon Ware: Sometimes I think that there's a difference in terms of where we want to spend our money and how we want to spend our money. [00:02:00] Um, so that's the first thing.

[00:02:00] Jess O'Reilly: You mean I want to spend it?

[00:02:02] Brandon Ware: Yeah. I want to spend our money too. I don't want to hoard. I don't want to hoard my money. Okay. I do want to spend it. I want to enjoy it. I think because of my upbringing, because about, I think there's an element of shame, of guilt,