Expectations are a real bugger.

They make us feel that if things don't happen the way we think they will, there's something wrong with us. But of course, things rarely happen the way we think they will.

So how can we start to let those buggers go? Especially when we're not always aware that we have them in the first place. I’ve got a really simple but really powerful mantra for you. 

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Sometimes there are things that you feel like you've let go, or that you should have let go already, when in truth it still feels like they’re clinging to you, like cigarette smoke gets in your hair and you can smell it the next morning, if you’re old enough to remember going to restaurants and bars where smoking was permitted. 

Here are three practices you can do in those instances to wash that smoke right outta your hair--three practices that work on the energetic level.

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There are many obstacles to creating and assimilating new habits that help us become better people. I mean, of course, otherwise we would all be walking around as the best possible version of ourselves and wouldn’t that be grand? Here's how to deal with one of the biggest obstacles: backsliding.

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Today I’m sharing something that can help you stay on track with your efforts to start a new habit. Best of all, this tip takes about five seconds to do!! It harnesses the universal truth that what you focus on grows, and helps you pay attention to your success more than your lapses. 

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Let’s say you’re trying to build a habit of spending 10 minutes a night putting things away and restoring some amount of order to your home. It’s easy to think of that as just a chore, or a box to tick, which is not all that motivating. It’s like eating your lima beans or something else that you hate that you are trying teach yourself to endure. 

But when you raise your awareness of how those 10 minutes benefit you, your energy shifts, and when you change your energy, you change your results. 

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Trying to become better is not a reason for feeling bad about yourself. You will mess up. You will backslide. You will completely forget. And it is OK. All you need to do is simply start again.

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Today’s big idea is that because habits are so unconscious and so well-worn, it can take a really big dose of motivation to get you to take action and then to sustain that action. The good news is that I’m going to share a great motivator with you. The bad news is that it is not all that pleasant.

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Habits are like icebergs--you can perceive just the tip of them, when actually most of them exist underneath the surface of your awareness. You can’t just throw some dirt and some grass seed on the tip of an iceberg and turn it into a meadow--it’s still gonna be a mountain of ice that runs deep. You need to see what's under the surface to truly change it.

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Knowing what’s on your “don’t list” will help shore up your boundaries, and that helps you walk a little taller and keeps any bad behavior from taking away from your well-being.

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Drawing boundaries might feel limiting, but corralling your energy is, paradoxically, SUPER freeing. Then you don’t have to expend time or energy wrapped up in drama that isn’t yours, or deciding when you should get involved, or figuring out how to scale back. 

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