Look kids, this is where the rubber meets the road. It's Black Friday. It's Rivalry Week. It's the HyVee Heroes Trophy.

Dammit, I hate that trophy. I hate Io_a. I'm developing a healthy distrust of holidays in general, and you edge lords of the internet are starting to win me over to your side in this annual campaign of not only self-loathing, but a deep and perennial lack of enthusiasm about our so-called "beloved" Cornhuskers.

Why don't we kick field goals to take early points? Why do we run the ball up the middle five godforsaken times in a row inside the opponents' ten yard line?

Why can't we have nice things?

And why is it that each Black Friday we have this corporate buffoonery where we have to endure a rock fight with a joke program with even worse fans who are so incompetent they didn't even know they had a Heisman Trophy winner, and their joke of a stadium is named after him?!? I mean seriously, Kinnick Stadium.

Their boring brand of football has elevated them to the peak of mediocrity. "They are who we thought they are." And they'll never be anything greater.

It's Thanksgiving Eve. It's Turkey Before Turkey. To hell with Io_a. Let's drink.