Fluff in Brooklyn's Fluff Radio Review

So, it's summer, and you know what that means!! NO, not swimsuits, ice cream, and the eternal struggle of positive self-image! It's time for the BIG summer thunderstorm! And just in case you happen to live in a locality that does not receive such natural wonders, Annie and Colleen have ordered one up from God, just for you! Shiver with our heroes at the crack of lightning! Wonder if they really ARE safe in their basement apartment with the window cracked open! Will they ever survive the onslaught of static electriicity and condensation?! Find out this week, on Fluff Radio Review!

Musical Guest:

Saer Ze performing "Too Sexy" and "You'll Be Surprised"

Sketches:

* James Vanderhoffen and Jameserhoffen Visit from

Countryenhoffen to teach you a new language!

Tales of Wonder:

* Crazy Thunderstorm!

(listen, you can hear it!)

(seriously, Colleen shits her pants)

* Colleen goes to THE milkshake shop (and brings all the boys in the yard...or maybe just one)

* How to make roast beef popcorn

* Colleen's new book project

* Annie and Colleen riff on Star Wars... YET AGAIN (what is this, a Kevin Smith movie?)

Most Memorable Lines Taken Out of Context:

* "I got stuck in a train, and it was SOOO HOT, I had to put my hands under my arms, and just scoop out the sweat!"

* "I never made the connection with Playdoh-head and Anakin!"

* "Onomatopoeia be DAMNED!"

* "I gotta cover my feet because that's what I do when the monsters might get me."

* "Loaded rifle popcorn! It'll blow your brain away!"

Long, long ago in a land we liked to call 2005 we started this here radio show without a single smidgen of an idea what we were doing. In honor of our 40th show we bring back our very first musical guest for a super special LIVE performance. Oooooooh! Tom Warnick believed in us back before everyone else did...or maybe he just really wanted that spray on tan we had promised him. The awesome Adam and Alyssa also join us this week, and in case you thought we were kidding, super secret show 39 is now floating around our ftp server. Yee be pirates and it be booty! Can you find it? I'll give you a hint: It totally won't be worth the effort!

Musical Guest:

Tom Warnick and The World's Fair performing "A Little Space" and "Kissing Stand" from his super brand new album "MAY I SEE SOME ID"

Tales of Wonder:

* Show 39: The Shortest Show Ever

* Dr. Ethan Frome and Larry King

* Adam Knows Way Too Much About Video Games

* The David Hasslehoff Store (the one on 17th)

* Best Soap Opera Moments of All Time

Most Memorable Lines Taken Out of Context:

* "You're welcome. That spray on tan you promised never arrived in the mail..."

* "Link was Link and Princess Zelda was Zelda." "And they were brother and sister that were in love?!"

* "It's like hot present potato."

* "A precious sediment of burritto...sounds like you need Beano."

* "Sitting on my vibrating chicken bridge."

Welcome bretheren. Tonight we gather together in celebration. Tonight we share in a dream: not only a dream about a heavy guy with a trap door on his back as drawn by Travis Nichols, but also a dream of vine ripened fruit. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no Thighlock. For tonight, children, the kingdom of produce is at hand, and golden juice shall spill from our lips like sweet appellations from the mouths of poets. So sit, my friend. Lay down thine burden for a few moments whilest we layeth a few new proverbs on thine ears. Aaaaaaaaaamen.

Musical Guest:

Travis Nichols, cartoonist and awesome rocker from ilikeapplejuice.com, performing in two different bands THE NEEDIES' "A Song About Water" and also as OMEGA MONSTER PATROL's "The Fixxx"

Tales of Wonder:

* Sweet Sugar gliders!

* July 4th weekend recap

* Embarassing stories, YM magazine style!

Most Memorable Lines Taken Out of Context:

* "I wouldn't go near the Thighlock; it hasn't had it's true berries of magical gold today!"

* "Sugar gliders actually LIKE female companions..."

* "Your cat will become a fur projectile dirty-bomb."

Today's show is brought to you by Segways, Smirn Office, Mel Brooks Chest Rub, Mel Brooks Chest Rugs, A Shampoo with Pro-Vitamooons, and anyone else that wants to give us money or big ol' boxes of alco-ma-hol. Click on the picture above for an example of how well we can sell your product! We are professionals. What we are professional at, we have yet to determine.

Musical Guest:

Devotchka performing "Venus in Furs" and "How it Ends"

Tales of Wonder:

* Things You Can Learn from Yogi Bear

* Our New Sponsors (who don't know it yet)

* The Fluff Who Winner: NEIL!

* Annie is a Bully

* Bob Is Going to Be OKAY

Most Memorable Lines Taken Out of Context:

* "If you're really pretentious every time you say the same word you get more and more mispronounced, so if you say bachelors the next time you say it Bahaachelers and then Bahaachetittlers."

* "Heeeeey! I'm wearing pineapple pants!"

* "I've got to be freeeeee. Something something something and something that probably rhymes with freeee."

* "Got a head cold? Rub a little Mel Brooks on your chest and you'll be feeling spiffy by morning."

Hallo, neighbor! What brings thee to this pre-Colonial neck of the woods? I see you are doing naught but sitting. An idle mind is the devil's playground, or so we say. Perchance I might interest you in a toy of rustic fashioning, a simple wheel propelled by a wooden rod. Yes, my friend, it is my rumby stick! Would you like to have a go at it? It may be difficult at first, but stay with it and soon you shall find yourself cavorting up and down the cobblestones with nary a care in the world! Why, just last week I sold one to old Thomas Payne, and what a time he had!

Musical Guest:

The Ditty Bops performing "Angel With An Attitude" and "Aluminum Can"

Tales of Wonder:

* The Studio Is Haunted by Playground Ghosts (aka the Yates and the Malki!)

* MOCCA Recap

* Colonial Williamsburg is Embarrassing at 25 with your Parents

* The FLUFF WHO Finalists are Announced!

Most Memorable Lines Taken Out of Context:

* "Putting on the Ritz...Cracker that is!"

* "I'm full of cheese and ready for love!"

* "La la la naked."

* "Free high-fives, while supplies last."

Musical Comedy Duo Rob and Mark, from the very appropriately named "The Rob and Mark Show," join Annie and Colleen in the studio this week for the first ever live musical guest appearance. Not only do they rock all of Brooklyn, teach us about food conservation through Mole People, but they also play (and WIN) the first ever live FLUFF WHO game with a little help from Tyler and leather bars.

Musical Guest:

The Rob and Mark Show performing "The Blog Song" and "Let's Switch Cars"

Tales of Wonder:

* Bad Face Painting Experiences

* How To Lose Friends With You Tube

* The Moooooole People (they live under the tracks)

* Shaqsphere in the Park

* Rob and Mark Guess Who

Impromptu Songs:

* The Mole People

Most Memorable Lines Taken Out of Context:

* "I'm not good enough to bring frozen grapes to the next soccer match!"

* "What was captain hook's name before they cut off his hand?" "He was captain 'look at this awesome watch.'"

* "Buy one of the lightbulbs from the electrical light parade. It'll get you SO HIGH."

The Guess Who Contest is well underway with loads of entries hanging around the forum . You've still got a week to get them to us! We pity the foo who doesn't enter as well as the foo who's never seen a naked lady toothbrush. Our gums have never been so fresh. Arrr.

Musical Guest:

100 Damned Guns performing "Hangin'" and "I Fall Down"

Tales of Wonder:

* Guess Who Contest Update!

* How To Make Friends and Distribute Potatoes in Cafeterias

* Fleet Week Sea Men

* What Happens When You Call 911 for Snakes

* Naked Lady Toothbrushes

Impromptu Songs:

* An Old Austrian

* The Mr. T Challenge

Most Memorable Lines Taken Out of Context:

* "Annie's Got the Lice of the Face!"

* "Girls gone wild, gone to elementary school, to serve mashed potatoes."

* "Sea People! Sea People! But at least that's better than Sea Men! Sea Men!"

* "Hoooooly Kid!" "Holy baby goat?"

* "Guess who killed the butler, because it couldn't be the butler."

I'm Jimmy. Colleen's my mom. Did you just try to talk? Sorry. Actually. No wait, I wasn't done. You should stop trying to talk. Did you hear about the contest? They said if you send in your picture they'll make your head into a board game. Are you chewing gum? They said they could find out who my daddy is. I bet he's a baseball player. Or an astronaut. Who plays baseball. You smell minty. On the moon. He hits really far. He's my dad. Colleen's my mom. Still. Send in your pictures. GUESS WHO! is my dad.

Musical Guest:

Vermillion Lies performing "No Good" and "Circus Apocalypse"

Tales of Wonder:

* Convention Mention, What's Your...uh Tension?

* Washington D.C. City of No Pants

* Chapstick Pyramid of Glory

* Who Stole Jesus' Body?

* The Guess Who Contest

Sketches:

* Jimmy the Most Annoying Fake Child in the World

Most Memorable Lines Taken Out of Context:

* "Don't dough me!"

* "Wouldn't it be awesome if we had zippered belly buttons?"

* "He looks like the man from the Six Flags commercials, but skinnier and less like 'a woman underneath'."

* "...and I get on the escalator and there's this giant thumbprint behind me and he proceeds to hit on me!"

CONTEST!:

Listen to this week's show for a chance to win prizes beyond your wildest dreams, unless you often dream about board games, in which case, I guess it's not too crazy. Send in your entries to [email protected] and [email protected] or post them on the forum.

Do you have your last words ready? Colleen and Annie tell you some of their favorite last words of all time, both making you laugh and accidentally ponder your exisitence. Yeah, sorry about the pondering. But don't worry balanced out all that depressing stuff with talk of boogers. *whispered* Awwwwwwsome.

Musical Guest:

Voxtrot performing "Mothers, Daughters, Sisters, and Wives" and "The Start of Something"

Tales of Wonder:

* How to Save our Nation's Capital from Vandalism-ers

* Kindergarten Cop Prank Calls

* Henry Rollins is Crazy (but Likes Lemony Snicket)

* Thomas Grasso's Last Words

* Amber from "Mom You're Ruining Our Fort" Podcast Says Hello, Hotline Style

* Don't Put Butter Down Your Pants

Most Memorable Lines Taken Out of Context:

* "Are you going to paddle on the Jefferson?"

* "Henry Rollins, not to be confused with HarperCollins."

* "You think cow milk is expensive these days. You should try finding panda milk."

* "La Mega Te Paga. Oooh I'm covered wine...now wait this is money."

This is Gilda. Gilda Goldenstein. I hope you are all planning on going to temple this weekend like the goodJews your mother and father taught you to be. My Bobbywill be there. He’s single now. Colleen turned him down. She doesn’t know what she’s missing. My mother always told me to keep a jag in the garage, a mink in my closet and a Jewish tiger in my bed, if you know what I mean. My Bobby will give you all three. So really, I think you should come to temple. Who knows, maybe my Bobby will like you. He especially likes girls with good noses. You can always tell a good cook if she has a good nose. And my Bobby loves a good cook. He once dated a woman who wasn’t such a good cook. I made sure he knew what he was gettng himself into. I cooked him every kind of kosher recipe I could find and brought it over every night, right after they ate dinner and before I got Bobby into his pajamas, just so he could see what he was missing. She didn’t last long. But I’m sure you’re a great cook. You should come to temple and meet my Bobby. He’s such a handsome boy. Take care, honey. And tell your mother I said hello.

-Gilda

Musical Guest:

Icewagon Flu (www.icewagonflu.com) performing "Nudity" and "Liza Was Rejected"

Tales of Wonder:

* Colleen Gets Pregnant While Vomiting in a Target Parking Lot

* Chicago: Unsafe for Public Art

* Kids say the dirtiest things!

* Do things taste better when eaten through your nose? A Fluff Radio Exclusive

Most Memorable Lines Taken Out of Context:

* "If I was an astronaut, would I be less congested or more? Would the snot inside of my head float?"

* "Security guards on Segways! Cops with shot puts!"

* "Am I the only one who gets pokey boogers?"

Tales of Wonder:

* Meet Gilda, Gilda Goldenstein (and her dear son Bobby)