For Aliens, By Aliens

Have you ever met a dentist? Me neither. Come to think of it, have you ever even SEEN a dentist? How can you be sure? Everyone knows that you lose consciousness whenever you visit a dentist’s office, so anything could be going on in there. Model train collecting? Sure. Non-specific measuring? Almost definitely. Transdimensional limb harvesting? That goes without saying. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

What are the only things standing between you and living your whole life outdoors? That’s right, doors! But how important are doors, really? Could we live without them? There sure would be a lot less privacy. Aaron gives a cringy and completely hypothetical situation where doors failed him. Your Ambassadors talk ultimate trap doors and back doors, and once again, Jacob is a murderer. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

Yeah, that’s a Pokemon reference. Deal with it. Aliens, welcome to the great big exciting world of Pokemon, where pets vie for the attention of their masters (against their will?) as they get buff and fight other Pokemon for the chance to be the best in the land. Shit, this is some Roman gladiator-type-level shit. Anyway, you’re supposed to enjoy catching them all, into slavery...but in a good way? I guess we’ll see. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

What’s up with trees, am I right? What a bunch of lazy, freeloading, xbox-playing stoners. Should we even save them? This week your Earth ambassadors tackle this tough topic, visit an alternate reality where trees make houses out of hoomans, and predict the rise of Degrassi, science overlord of the future. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

Your Earth Ambassadors ruminate on what it would be like if they were in charge of bringing about world peace. How would they accomplish it and what would it look like? Well, lots of shit would become mandatory, including segways and orgies. Is that how you spell orgies? I’ve just never spelled orgies before. Anyway, tune in for world peace. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

Listen up, thou lumpish, milk-livered dewberry! This week your Earth ambassadors explain Earth’s favorite pastime: insults. Hear your ambassadors one-up each other with insults from different eras, unpack the artistry of the original insult comic, William Shakespeare, and finally cut into some juicy rap beef. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

Strap on your cow tongues - this week is all about shoes. Hear your Earth ambassadors’ theories on the history of footwear, then learn about an exciting new investment opportunity in dead pet sneakers. Finally, join your ambassadors on a tour through an imaginary shoe-zeum, where Aaron and Jacob revisit the ghosts of footwear past. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

Your Earth Ambassadors take a trip down memory game. See what I did there? Join Jacob and Aaron as they explore the games that meant the most to them and make up a few game characters of their own. Spoiler alert: this one's good. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

You wake up in a small room with plenty of breakable vases. ""Professor Oak needs to see you," says someone from the next room via a text bubble on the screen. Damn, looks like you're in a video game. Luckily, your Earth Ambassadors know all about that shiz. They even have ideas about the future of video games, and of course they have some lucrative virtual reality board game ideas. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

Everyone’s grilling hotdogs and burgers this week, and they’re doing so while making things blow up. It's the perfect time to talk about Independence Day and freedom. Your Earth Ambassadors talk about their favorite freedoms and recommend the blending of a few choice holidays. Also, Jacob has an idea to stop hoomans from taking their freedom too far. And no, it is not butt stuff. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)