For Aliens, By Aliens

Your Earth Ambassadors are taking a break. It’s a hard job, especially when most Earth-people don’t even know the huge sacrifice we make on their behalf on the reg. Still, what a great time to talk about sequels! Jacob and Aaron talk about their favorite sequels yet to exist, Aaron forgets a lot of words along with who Natalie Portman (big famous awesome actress) even is, and they speculate on what season 2 of FABA will be, if it even is to be...sad face emoji? Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

Congratulations! You’re another year old, but what does that mean. Well aliens, we’re glad you asked. Jacob and Aaron are here to tell you everything you need to know in order to seamlessly blend into human societies on this most important of days. First, of course, your friends and family members must harass you and flog you with meat sticks. Second, you must be hung upside down by someone who then bangs your head on the ground once for every year you’ve been alive. Then, finally, you must take the strongest hallucinogens available and walk out into the wild in order to come to terms with your inner self, or else be devoured by your own inner demons. But hey, that’s hoomanity. And as a special birthday gift to all the aliens, Aaron tells an unsolicited sad sad story about how he was bad at love. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

How many hoomans does it take to make a cult? Not that we’re trying to start one… But if we WERE trying to start one, how many people would it take to officially be called a cult? Well, we aim to find out, and that’s why we’ve built automatic FABA Family registration into your podcast subscription button. So sit back, pour a tall glass of Flavor Aid, and join us. Not that you have much of a choice. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

You sit on it, you eat on it, you even sleep on it. No, that’s not a dirty riddle. This week your Earth Ambassadors tell the aliens about furniture. On an unrelated note, have you ever wondered if your couch was actually an alien doing reconnaissance work on you and your loved ones, soaking nutrients out of your skin through osmosis as you sit on it, unaware that you are being spied on and perhaps even slowly eaten alive? Me neither. Anyway, get ready for an oddly randy episode. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

Things are about to get crowded here in the recording booth! This week, your Earth ambassadors decide it’s finally time to take on a few more wives. And if you’re an alien, that’s probably a totally normal thing to do! But how do they plan to pull this off? By hacking the iTunes terms and conditions of course. Or maybe just creating a profile on the real website that exists called sisterwives.com. Let’s see how this works out. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

They say you never forget how to ride a bike, but what happens if you never learned? Well, then you’d know what it’s like to be an alien. Let’s take a minute to soak up that deepness…. Now, join your Earth Ambassadors as they answer all the age-old questions about bikes: What happened in the great Bicycle Rollerblade War? What happened to Lance Armstrong’s missing testicle? What’s the future of bike? Are aliens really just sentient bicycles? Well, hey kids, only you can prevent forest fires. That last bit was just to see if anyone actually reads this far. If you did, then we owe you a Snickers bar. Sorry if you don’t like Snickers bars, we’re fresh out of Reese’s peanut butter cups. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

Oh hi Aliens. This week your Earth ambassadors celebrate the most talented alien this side of the horse head nebula: Tommy Wiseau. With his film The Room, he forces humanity to take a hard look in the mirror, and this week, we hold a mirror up to that mirror, disrupting the flow of linear time. Luckily, that's the only way this thing makes sense. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

Whatever happened to dinosaurs? Oh yeah, a giant asteroid obliterated them...or did it? Your Earth Ambassadors search for the answers the only way they know how, through wild speculation in which they wholeheartedly believe. Talking points include: Dinosaur detectives, Whoopi Goldberg, ghost dinos, and whose babies are still cool to eat. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

Love is in the air in this episode of For Aliens, By Aliens. That’s right -- this week two of the sexiest Earth ambassadors bring the romance in the only way they know how: with surprise bidets, new inclusive romance subgenres, and roses firmly clenched between their teeth. Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)

Nineteen years ago, in a West Philadelphia Ramada Inn, a child was born. And that day, unto us was given a fashion designer, artist, tweeter, rapper, alien, and… savior? This Christmas, your Earth ambassadors ask the question that’s been on everyone’s mind: is Jaden Smith the new Jesus? Theme song: “Eye of My Mind” by Wooky (wookyofficial.bandcamp.com)