The Athletic's Adam Hurrey and Nick Miller are joined by comedian and YouTube star Max Fosh for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks. Among Max's selections are the precise thought process behind a switch of international footballing allegiance, the late-1990s Premier League obsession with Vicks VapoRub, the very modern power struggle between trained stewards and elite players when someone invades the pitch for a selfie and players with a museum to themselves in their own house.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel bemoan the collapse of all standards when it comes to publishing the simple information that is group tables.

Produced by Mike Stavrou.

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: the Window Cleaning World Cup, whether Harry Kane really has "smashed" the England goalscoring record, a very footbally reason why the second Persian invasion of Greece in 479 BC ended in defeat, the English football kit-manufacturer pyramid and the definitive hierarchy of silly football Wikipedia editing.

Meanwhile, the panel ponder the requirements to make a game "The {Player X} Show", and take a philosophical approach to the concept of "tap-ins".

With well over 200 episodes in our archive we thought we'd raid our back catalogue to bring you some examples of the purest essence of the Football Cliches podcast. This week we head back to episode 109 for an extraordinarily detailed look at what constitutes 'unfinished business', and from episode 94 we rejoice in hearing all about Kevin Keegan's appearance at the 2021 Meat Management Industry Awards.

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Charlie Eccleshare for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: Marking the demise of Soccer AM by selecting its ultimate guest lineup, "The Messi of Maths" and his equivalent of the cold, wet Tuesday night in Stoke, some very alternative goal commentary from the archives and an unexpected footballing name pops up in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.

Meanwhile, the panel dissect the art of the Wacky Friday Press Conference Question and try to statistically crown the "tidiest" player in the Premier League.

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This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp, Visit betterhelp.com/fc today to get 10% off your first month.

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: The most punworthy FA Cup quarter-final in living memory, Nike vs Warner Bros in a Ted Lasso kit saga, the player eligible to play for the most different countries, tracking down the goalkeeper cited in an unfortunate dictionary definition and, once again, checking in with good old Richard Keys.

Meanwhile, the panel debate whether it's better to be a "handy" side or a "useful" one and which Premier League fixtures just belong in a certain year.

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This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp, Visit betterhelp.com/fc today to get 10% off your first month.

With well over 200 episodes in our archive we thought we'd raid our back catalogue to bring you some examples of the purest essence of the Football Cliches podcast. This week we head back to episode 61 to examine the true meaning of the phrase 'Basement Boys', and from episode 95 we bring you the midfield selections & deliberations of the Pure Europa League XI

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey, James Maw and Jack Lang field March's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, where the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are childish (and borderline pathetic) nicknames fans give for local rivals' home grounds, the precise rhythm and intonation of a perfect full-time whistle, the catharsis of complimenting opposition players at Sunday League, teams being guilty of trying to score the perfect goal, goalkeepers who rush out with the ball from a corner only to find nobody to distribute it to and the eternal and unexplained flaw of Wikipedia football career summaries

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The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Charlie Eccleshare for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: surveying the wreckage of the weekend's Match of the Day saga, an unexpected Indian summer for one English manager's career, a Premier League referee texting into a music radio station and yet another example of a thing being dubbed the Rolls-Royce of Item X.

Meanwhile, the panel wonder who - if anyone - can lay claim to being "the voice of football" in 2023.

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• Get a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/EPL

With well over 200 episodes in our archive we thought we'd raid our back catalogue to bring you some examples of the purest essence of the Football Cliches podcast, this week we head back to episode 154 for the definitive discussion on what constitutes the concept of 'Dreamland', from episode 78 we attempt to define what makes a goal a 'solo effort', and finally one of the most ridiculous clips in Football Cliches history as Pierre Emile Hoijberg shows "no disrespect to egg"

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Charlie Eccleshare for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: some professional musicians wade into the Sheffield Wednesday/ABBA saga, a thorough fact-check of Dion Dublin’s goalscoring boasts on Homes under the Hammer, the parameters for a "slaloming" dribble, the most versatile generic football fan outburst of all and arguably the best parody-metal song about the 1994 World Cup final you have ever heard.

Meanwhile, the panel pin down the most "Mickey Mouse cup" in football and identify the most Premier League club never to have played in the Premier League.

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This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp, Visit betterhelp.com/fc today to get 10% off your first month.