Acceptance is one of the most powerful tools for loosening insomnia's grip. But here's the thing: understanding acceptance intellectually and practicing it are two very different experiences.

Reading about it might bring some comfort. But the real shift happens when you start weaving it into your actual day—not perfectly, not constantly, just in small, deliberate moments.

Why this feels so uncomfortable at first

Acceptance can be unnerving.

You've spent a long time trying to avoid, fix, or push away the thoughts, feelings, and sensations that come with poor sleep.

Now someone's asking you to turn toward them instead?

That takes courage.

But here's what happens with practice.

Over time, you train yourself to experience difficult thoughts, heavy emotions, and uncomfortable physical sensations in a way that feels less threatening.

Not because the difficulty disappears, but because your relationship to it changes.

You start to trust that you can handle what comes up—calmly, with your feet on the ground—no matter what your mind or body throws at you.

That confidence is quietly transformative. It makes you more resilient on rough nights in the short term, and it helps calm your nervous system in the long term.

A calmer nervous system means less of the internal alarm-ringing that keeps you awake. Less anxiety, more sleep. It really is that connected.

A skill to practice: working with painful emotions

Of all the things acceptance asks us to sit with, emotions are usually the hardest.

Anxiety, frustration, sadness, fear—these aren't easy to welcome in.

So here's a simple 3-step exercise you can use anytime a difficult emotion shows up, whether it's 2 p.m. or 2 a.m.

Step 1: Notice. What are you feeling right now, and where does it live in your body? Maybe it's tension in your chest, heaviness in your stomach, jitteriness in your legs, or heat in your face. Get specific. You're not trying to change anything yet—just observing.

Step 2: Name it. Say to yourself—silently or out loud—"I'm feeling anxious right now" or "I'm feeling frustrated and sad at the same time." Research shows that simply labeling an emotion helps your brain regulate it more effectively. It's a small act with surprising power.

Step 3: Allow it. This is the hard part. Instead of pushing the feeling away, let it be exactly what it is. See if you can soften any tension in your body. Bring curiosity to it, even gentleness—like you're observing weather passing through. Stay with it for as long as it feels natural, without fighting.

The goal here isn't to make the emotion disappear. It's to practice tolerating it with less reactivity—less of the dirty pain we talked about last time.

You're not adding a second layer of suffering on top of what's already hard.

The one thing to remember when it feels unbearable

When you're in the grip of a painful emotion, it can feel permanent. Like this is just how things are now, and the future looks exactly as bleak as this moment feels.

But emotions change. They always do.

If you start paying attention, you'll see this for yourself. Grief softens. Anger cools. Anxiety loosens.

When you stop fighting an emotion, you actually create more room for it to move through you and shift on its own.

This doesn't mean you sit around feeling all day. You still engage with your life—the people, the activities, the things that matter to you—even when a heavy emotion is tagging along. You carry it with you rather than letting it pin you down.

And the same is true for bad nights.

Miserable nights and foggy mornings are not permanent either. The path through insomnia has ups and downs, and the hard stretches do pass.

So when things feel especially rough, hold onto this: you will find your way through, and things will change.

If you're looking to recover from insomnia for good in as little as 8 weeks, apply to work with us here and schedule your Sleep Evaluation Call to see if we can help.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now taught 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause - hyperarousal.

What if a huge portion of your sleep-related suffering is actually optional?

That might sound dismissive—it's not. Stick with me, because this reframe changed how I think about insomnia, and I think it can do the same for you.

The concept: Clean pain vs. Dirty pain

This idea comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and it's beautifully simple.

Clean pain is the unavoidable stuff. It's the fatigue after a rough night. The frustration of lying awake at 3 a.m. The sadness, the anxiety, the heaviness.

These feelings are real, and they're a natural part of being human. You don't need to fix them or make them go away—they belong here.

Dirty pain is the suffering we pile on top.

It's the catastrophizing and self-criticism:

"If I don't fall asleep in the next twenty minutes, tomorrow is ruined."

"What's wrong with me? Everyone else can sleep."

It's the desperate struggle to force yourself to relax, which—as you've probably noticed—has the opposite effect.

Dirty pain shows up in a lot of familiar ways.

1. It's when you evaluate your night in the most extreme terms possible.
2. It's when you never pause to question the story you're telling yourself about what poor sleep means.
3. It's when you reach for coping strategies that feel good in the moment but create more problems over time.

And it's when you've been suffering for so long that misery starts to feel like your default setting—like it's just who you are now.

Here's the key insight:

You have very little control over clean pain, but you have a lot of control over dirty pain.

And for most people with insomnia, dirty pain is where the majority of their suffering lives.

That's actually great news.

It means there's real room to feel better—not by sleeping perfectly, but by changing how you relate to the struggle.

The Tug-of-War you didn't sign up for

Let me give you a picture of what dirty pain looks like in action.

Imagine you're standing at the edge of a bottomless pit.

On the other side stands the Insomnia Monster—big, terrifying, impossibly strong.

A rope stretches between you across the pit, and you're both pulling with everything you've got.

You're terrified of falling in, so you pull harder. The monster pulls back. You dig your heels in, arms burning, and think:

"If I can just pull hard enough, the monster will fall in, and this will all be over. I'll finally sleep. I'll finally feel normal again."

But you can't outpull the monster. You never could.

Now think about this:

Can you imagine trying to fall asleep while locked in that kind of life-or-death struggle?

Can you imagine trying to be present with the people you love, do meaningful work, or enjoy a single afternoon—while playing that game?

You can't. That's the trap.

So what do you do?

You drop the rope.

You don't have to win the tug of war. You don't even have to play. The monster might still be standing there on the other side of the pit. That's fine. You're not fighting it anymore.

When you drop the rope—when you stop white-knuckling your way through every bad night and every tired morning—something shifts.

The struggle loses its grip. You start to suffer less. And paradoxically, sleep often starts to come more easily, because you've finally lowered the stakes.

What this looks like in practice

Dropping the rope doesn't mean you stop caring about sleep.

It means you stop treating every night like a pass-fail exam.

It means you notice the catastrophic thought and let it pass rather than building your whole day around it.

It means you give yourself permission to have a bad night without it meaning something terrible about you or your future.

This is acceptance—not giving up, but giving yourself room to breathe.

And from that room, everything changes.

--

If you're looking to recover from insomnia for good in as little as 8 weeks, ​schedule a Complimentary Sleep Consult​ to see if we can help.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now taught 100s of people like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause (sleep anxiety).

When insomnia takes hold, it does more than steal your sleep.

It creates fear.

It creates urgency.

And it creates a constant sense that something is wrong with you.

Your body feels wired.

Your mind feels trapped.

And the harder you try to fix it, the worse it gets.

That is not a personal failure.

That is how a nervous system responds when it feels under threat.

Consistent sleep comes from caring less about sleeping well.

That sentence can feel impossible at first.

Of course, you care.

You are exhausted.

You just want rest.

But caring intensely about sleep is exactly what keeps the nervous system activated at night.

An activated nervous system cannot sleep.

So the real work is not forcing calm.

It is reducing reactivity.

When you react less to being awake, your body settles.

When your body settles, sleep becomes possible again.

This is where Mindful Acceptance comes in.

Mindful Acceptance is not resignation.

It is not giving up.

And it is not pretending you feel okay when you do not.

Mindful Acceptance is the skill of meeting the present moment without fighting it.

It is made of two parts.

Mindfulness.

And Acceptance.

Mindfulness means noticing what is happening right now.

Not tomorrow.

Not last night.

Right now.

It means noticing sensations, thoughts, emotions, and urges as they are:

1. Without judging them.
2. Without trying to fix them.
3. Without turning them into a story.

When you are mindful, you step out of autopilot.

And autopilot is where insomnia thrives.

Insomnia is maintained by unconscious reactions:

1. Tensing.
2. Monitoring.
3. Catastrophizing.
4. Struggling.

Mindfulness helps you recognize those reactions as they happen.

And once you can see them, you can respond differently.

That is where Acceptance comes in.

Acceptance does not mean liking what is happening.

It does not mean "approving" of insomnia.

It means allowing the present moment to exist without resistance.

Resistance is what turns discomfort into suffering.

Fatigue is uncomfortable. Anxiety is uncomfortable.

But fighting them multiplies their intensity.

Acceptance is the opposite of struggle.

It is the decision to stop arguing with reality.

Just for this moment.

Acceptance says:

This is what is here right now.

I do not have to fix it.

I do not have to make it go away.

I do not have to panic about it.

When you stop resisting, something subtle happens.

Your nervous system receives a signal of safety.

And safety is what sleep requires.

To help you experience this directly, here is a simple exercise:

Mindful Acceptance Exercise

First, get into a comfortable position.

You can be sitting or lying down.

Let your body settle as it is.

Next, bring your attention to your breathing.

Do not change your breath.

Just notice it.

Notice the rise and fall.

Or the sensation of air moving in and out.

Now set a timer for three minutes.

For these three minutes, your only job is to notice your experience.

Notice your breath.

Notice any thoughts that appear.

Notice any sensations in your body.

When your mind wanders, that is normal.

As soon as you notice it has wandered, gently bring your attention back to your breath.

No criticism.

No frustration.

Just noticing and returning.

If anxiety shows up, notice it.

If tension shows up, notice it.

If frustration shows up, notice it.

Let them be there.

You are not trying to relax them away.

You are practicing allowing them.

When the timer ends, take a moment to notice how you feel.

You may feel calmer.

You may feel the same.

Either outcome is fine.

The goal is not immediate relief.

The goal is retraining your relationship with discomfort.

With practice, mindful acceptance teaches your nervous system that being awake is not dangerous.

That discomfort is tolerable.

That you do not need to react to every sensation or thought.

As this understanding deepens, insomnia loses its grip.

Not because you forced sleep.

But because you removed the struggle that was keeping sleep away.

Acceptance does not mean you stop taking care of yourself.

If there are things you can change, change them.

But when something cannot be changed in the moment, acceptance prevents unnecessary suffering.

You cannot control how you will sleep tonight.

You cannot control every thought or sensation.

But you can control how much you fight them.

And when you stop fighting, your body finally gets the message:

It is safe to rest.

That is the foundation of real sleep recovery.

And it is a skill you can build.

If you're looking to recover from insomnia for good in as little as 8 weeks, schedule a Complimentary Sleep Consult to see if we can help.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

Looking get started with the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.

Sometimes staying in bed while awake makes everything worse.

Your body feels tense.

Your thoughts race.

Your heart feels loud.

You feel trapped between wanting sleep and fearing wakefulness.

In those moments, getting out of bed can help.

Not as a rule.

Not as a technique.

But as a reset.

Changing your physical position changes sensory input.

It gives your nervous system new information.

It interrupts subtle anxiety loops.

Even standing up briefly can shift your internal state.

When you get out of bed, keep things simple.

Low light.

Calm activity.

Nothing stimulating.

1. You might read.
2. You might listen to something.
3. You might watch something familiar.

There is no timer.

There is no deadline.

You return to bed when you feel sleepy or when you feel ready.

This is not about making sleep happen.

This is about making wakefulness more tolerable.

When you remove pressure, your nervous system calms.

Alongside this option, a few refinements make nights much easier:

1. Give up clock watching.

The clock turns uncertainty into pressure.

Pressure becomes panic.

Set your alarm once.

Then stop checking the time.

2. Let go of predictions.

You do not actually know how the night will go.

Expecting disaster creates the anxiety that causes it.

Stay open.

3. Make room for discomfort.

Being awake at night is uncomfortable.

That does not mean something is wrong.

Discomfort does not need to be eliminated.

It needs to be allowed.

4. Conserving energy.

Struggling all night drains you.

Resting while awake does not.

Less struggle means better days.

Better days reduce fear of nights.

Finally, remember that physical symptoms at night are signs of hyperarousal.

1. Racing heart.
2. Twitches.
3. Light sleep.
4. Sudden awakenings.

These are not dangerous.

They are expressions of a stressed nervous system.

When you react to them with alarm, they intensify.

When you respond with acceptance, they fade over time.

You cannot force sleep.

But you can stop making wakefulness worse.

And when you do that consistently, sleep begins to return.

Naturally. Quietly. Without effort.

Just like it always knew how to do.

If you're looking to recover from insomnia for good in as little as 8 weeks, schedule a Complimentary Sleep Consult to see if we can help.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

Looking get started with the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.

When you are awake in bed and anxious, doing nothing often makes things worse.

Silence gives your mind too much room.

And when your mind has space at night, it fills it with worry.

1. You replay the day.
2. You predict tomorrow.
3. You analyze your sleep.
4. You judge yourself.

This is why a helpful option is doing something pleasant in bed.

Not something stimulating.

Not something stressful.

Just something gently engaging.

1. You might read a familiar book (not a boring one, per se).
2. You might listen to a podcast or audiobook.
3. You might watch or listen to something calm

The goal is not distraction for the sake of escape.

The goal is to make wakefulness less threatening.

When being awake feels miserable, your nervous system stays on high alert.

When being awake feels tolerable, your nervous system begins to soften.

That softening is what matters.

This approach goes against many sleep rules you may have heard.

But rules do not calm anxiety.

Feeling safe does.

And safety is personal.

If screens overstimulate you, avoid them.

If watching something on a TV helps you feel more at ease, allow it.

Anxiety is the real problem here, not light.

As you do your chosen activity, let go of expectations.

You are not doing this to fall asleep.

You are doing this to stop fighting wakefulness.

Ironically, that makes sleep more likely.

Pay gentle attention to your body.

If your eyes grow heavy.

If you start yawning.

If your head begins to nod.

That is a sign of sleepiness.

When that happens, stop the activity.

Close your eyes.

And see if sleep is ready.

If it is not, that is okay.

You can return to the activity.

You can switch to mindfulness.

You can simply rest.

There is no correct sequence.

There is no failure state.

Some nights this will feel easier.

Some nights, your anxiety will still be loud.

That does not mean you are regressing.

Progress through insomnia is not linear.

What matters is how you respond.

Each time you choose kindness over force, you lower the Sleep-Stopping Force.

Over time, your nervous system learns that nighttime is no longer a performance.

It becomes just another part of life.

You may worry that doing activities in bed will reinforce wakefulness.

But the opposite is usually true.

What reinforces insomnia is fear.

What dissolves it is acceptance.

By making peace with being awake, you remove the urgency that keeps sleep away.

You are not training yourself to be awake.

You are training yourself to stop panicking about wakefulness.

And once panic fades, sleep often arrives quietly.

Without effort.

Without strategy.

Just like it used to.

If you're looking to recover from insomnia for good in as little as 8 weeks, schedule a Complimentary Sleep Consult to see if we can help.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

Looking get started with the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.

When you are awake at night, and you do not want to be, your instinct is usually to fight it.

You try to sleep harder.

You try to relax.

You try to calm your thoughts.

You try to make the night go differently than it is.

And the more you try, the more alert your body becomes.

That is not because you are doing something wrong.

It is because your nervous system interprets effort as urgency.

Urgency tells the brain there is a threat.

And when your brain senses a threat, sleep is blocked.

So let’s change the goal.

Instead of trying to sleep, the new goal is to find peace while awake.

Not forced peace.

Not fake calm.

Just less resistance to the moment you are in.

This is where mindfulness in bed comes in.

Mindfulness does not mean clearing your mind.

It does not mean feeling relaxed.

And it does not mean making sleep happen.

Mindfulness simply means paying attention to something neutral in the present moment.

When insomnia shows up, your attention usually collapses inward.

1. You monitor your thoughts.
2. You monitor your body.
3. You monitor the night.
4. You monitor the future.

That constant monitoring keeps the nervous system activated.

Mindfulness gives your attention somewhere else to rest.

Not to escape the night.

But to stop feeding anxiety.

One simple way to practice mindfulness in bed is a body scan.

You gently move your attention through your body.

You notice sensations without trying to change them.

You are not trying to relax your body.

You are just noticing what is already there.

You might start with your toes.

Then your feet.

Then your lower legs.

Then your thighs.

Then your pelvis.

Then your torso.

Then your arms.

Then your neck.

Then your face.

Then the top of your head.

You can move slowly.

You can move quickly.

There is no right pace.

If you cannot feel much in a certain area, that is fine.

You just noticed that, too.

If your mind wanders, that's okay.

That is the practice.

Each time you notice your mind drifting and gently bring it back, you are training your nervous system to be less reactive.

This practice does not guarantee sleep.

And that is important.

Mindfulness is not a sleep technique.

It is a tool for nervous system retraining.

When you practice being awake without panicking, your body learns that night is not dangerous.

And when night no longer feels dangerous, sleep becomes possible again.

Even if sleep does not come right away, something else happens.

You suffer less.

You conserve energy.

You stop adding extra distress on top of fatigue.

That matters.

Many people assume that if they are awake, they might as well be miserable.

But resting while awake is very different from struggling while awake.

Normal sleepers rest in bed all the time, even when they're not sleeping.

They daydream.

They drift.

They let their minds wander.

They do not treat wakefulness as a crisis.

Mindfulness helps you relearn that skill.

At first, mindfulness in bed may feel uncomfortable.

Your anxiety around sleeping may still be present.

That does not mean it is failing.

It means your nervous system is learning something new.

Over time, your body begins to associate nighttime with less struggle.

And when struggle fades, sleep follows naturally.

Not because you forced it.

But because you stopped getting in the way.

​

If you're looking to recover from insomnia for good in as little as 8 weeks, schedule a Complimentary Sleep Consult to see if we can help.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

Looking get started with the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.

If you have insomnia, you already know this:

An anxious thought can feel like a threat.

Not just an idea.

A threat.

And when your brain senses a threat, it does what it was designed to do.

It activates.

It mobilizes.

It keeps you awake.

That is why thought-challenging helps sometimes.

But it is also why thought challenging is not enough.

Because there will be nights when the thoughts keep coming.

Even if you challenge them perfectly.

So you need a second skill.

You need a new relationship with your thoughts.

This is what mindful acceptance of thoughts is for.

It is also called defusion.

Defusion means you stop being fused with your thinking.

You stop being inside the thought.

And you become the observer of the thought.

You still have the thought.

But the thought has less power.

Defusion does not erase thoughts.

It removes their authority.

​

Defusion becomes easier when you understand two things.

Fact 1: Thoughts are input, not reality.

Fact 2: Thoughts are impermanent.

Let's break them down.

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Fact 1: Thoughts are input, not reality

Most people treat thoughts like facts.

If the thought says, “This is going to ruin me,” it feels true.

But thoughts are often just mental noise.

They are offerings from the brain.

They are suggestions.

They are predictions.

They are alarms.

Sometimes they are useful.

Sometimes they are wrong.

Sometimes they are old fear patterns firing again.

The key move is realizing you can receive a thought without obeying it.

This matters at night.

Because insomnia thoughts often demand action.

Take something.

Google something.

Change something.

Fix something.

Force something.

Defusion helps you pause before you act.

And that pause is where your freedom returns.

​

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Defusion tool 1: Labeling “thinking”

Here is the simplest defusion tool.

You notice the thought.

And you label it.

You say, “Thinking.”

That's it.

That is the whole technique.

It sounds too simple.

But it is powerful.

Because labeling breaks the trance.

It pulls you out of the story and into awareness.

It reminds you that this is a thought, not a prophecy.

If “thinking” feels unnatural, use another phrase.

“I am having a thought.”

“I am having the thought that I won’t sleep tonight.”

This creates space.

Not by fighting the thought.

But by stepping back from it.

Then you choose what to do next.

You might return attention to your breath.

Or to a sound in the room.

Or to the feeling of your body in the bed.

Or to a calming activity.

The point is not to win an argument.

The point is to stop feeding the thought with panic.

​

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Fact 2: Thoughts are impermanent

Thoughts change constantly.

Even when you are anxious.

Even when the content feels repetitive.

If you watch your mind for five minutes, you will see it.

One thought becomes another.

A memory becomes a plan.

A sensation becomes a story.

A story becomes a fear.

This matters because insomnia thoughts feel permanent.

They feel like they will last forever.

And that feeling creates more fear.

When you remember thoughts are temporary, you stop treating them like forever.

You stop acting as if you must solve them right now.

A thought is like the weather.

It can be intense.

It can be loud.

But it passes.

Sometimes slowly.

Sometimes quickly.

But it passes.

And when it returns, you practice again.

Label it.

Allow it.

Return attention.

This is the repetition that retrains your nervous system.

​

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Defusion tool 2: Singing your thoughts

You take a scary thought, and you sing it to a simple tune.

Happy Birthday works well.

Any silly tune works well.

For example.

“If I don’t sleep tonight, tomorrow will destroy me.”

Sing it.

Or say it in a cartoon voice.

Or in an exaggerated, dramatic voice.

This is not mocking you.

This is not trivializing fear.

This is creating distance.

So the thought becomes a sentence again.

Not a command.

Not a crisis.

When you can do this, you regain choice.

And choice reduces threat.

And reduced threat lowers hyperarousal.

​

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Why this can be helpful

Defusion trains you to let thoughts exist without struggling with them.

It trains you to stop trying to control your mind so you can sleep.

It trains you to move through the night with less urgency.

That is what changes insomnia.

Not perfect thinking.

Not zero anxiety.

Not mental silence.

Just a calmer relationship with what shows up in your mind.

You can let thoughts be present.

And still stay on your path.

And still do what serves long-term sleep.

Even if anxious thoughts come along for the ride.

​

If you're looking to recover from insomnia for good in as little as 8 weeks, schedule a Complimentary Sleep Consult to see if we can help.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

Looking get started with the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.

Managing anxious thoughts deserves special attention.

Anxious thoughts are one of the main drivers of insomnia.

It is common for anxious thoughts to ramp up as night approaches.

It is also common for them to surge again in the middle of the night.

For many people, one single thought can trigger a full-body alarm response.

And suddenly you are not just awake.

You are fighting.

You may feel like you are walking on eggshells in your own mind.

Because one wrong thought feels like it will set off an avalanche.

This is where a considerable amount of insomnia suffering comes from.

Not just the tiredness.

Not just the wakefulness.

But the way your mind interprets it.

And reacts to it.

Your relationship with your thoughts determines how much Dirty Pain (the emotional pain that we unwillingly amplify and feel during insomnia) you experience.

There are two main ways to work with anxious thoughts.

Both require mindfulness.

Because you have to notice what you are thinking to respond differently.

Enter Thought Challenging.

Thought challenging means you do three simple things.

You notice the thought.

You recognize that it might not be accurate.

You test it rather than automatically believing it.

This is especially useful when your mind is catastrophizing.

Because catastrophizing feels real.

Even when it is not.

Here is a classic insomnia thought.

“I won’t be able to get through tomorrow if I don’t sleep tonight.

A helpful challenge is not fake positivity.

It is a realistic perspective.

You can remind yourself of the times you slept badly and still got through the day.

You can remind yourself of the times tomorrow was not as bad as you predicted.

Here is another classic thought spiral.

“If I don’t sleep tonight, I won’t sleep tomorrow either.”

“Then it will keep getting worse.”

“Eventually, I will never sleep again.”

“And then I will fall apart.”

This thought feels intense.

But it is not grounded in reality.

When you challenge thoughts like this, you bring in what you already know.

Your body has a sleep drive.

It builds with wakefulness.

And it will force sleep to happen before you can go too long without it.

You also remind yourself that insomnia is miserable.

But it is not a death sentence.

And it is not proof that you are broken.

Thought challenging is how you interrupt the mental snowball before it becomes panic.

​

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A simple thought-challenging process

You can do this quickly.

You do not need to journal for an hour.

You need to slow the spiral down enough to see clearly.

Start here:

What is happening right now.

Then ask this.

What story am I telling about what is happening right now.

Name the emotion.

Fear.

Frustration.

Dread.

Hopelessness.

Give it a number from 1 to 10.

This matters because it helps you notice shifts.

Now challenge the thought.

What are other explanations besides the worst one?

What would I say to a friend in this exact situation?

Is this thought entirely accurate based on what I know about sleep and insomnia?

How likely is the worst-case scenario, really?

If tomorrow is hard, what will I do to cope?

Then check again.

Do I feel any different?

Did the number shift at all?

Even a small shift matters.

Because it lowers the Sleep-Stopping Force.

​

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The limitations of Thought-Challenging

Thought challenging is helpful.

But it is not the whole solution.

There are two reasons it often falls short.

First, thought challenging does not automatically undo conditioned hyperarousal.

It can calm the mind a bit.

But your nervous system may still be on high alert.

Because deep conditioning does not disappear from logic alone.

What changes this over time is the lived experience of safety.

Repeated.

Consistent.

Built through practice.

Second, some insomnia anxiety is based on truth.

Tomorrow really might be harder if you sleep poorly.

1. You might feel foggy.
2. You might feel a lower mood.
3. You might feel more reactive.

So you cannot always talk your way out of anxiety.

And you do not need to.

The biggest trap is using thought challenging as a desperate attempt to make anxiety disappear.

Because desperation turns it into a Sleep Effort.

And Sleep Efforts increase pressure.

And pressure increases hyperarousal.

If you use thought-challenging to force calm, it becomes a tug-of-war.

Sometimes the best move is not to argue with the thought.

Sometimes the best move is to change your relationship with the thought.

Because you do not need to eliminate anxious thoughts to sleep.

You need to stop treating them like emergencies.

And that skill is learnable.

​

If you're looking to recover from insomnia for good in as little as 8 weeks, schedule a Complimentary Sleep Consult to see if we can help.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

Looking get started with the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.

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Insomnia creates intense discomfort.

Fear.

Helplessness.

A sense of being trapped.

But…

Consistent good sleep comes from caring less about sleep.

That may sound impossible right now.

It may even sound threatening.

But it is learnable.

And it is one of the most powerful shifts you can make.

When you care less about how you sleep, your nervous system settles.

When your nervous system settles, sleep becomes possible again.

This is where mindful acceptance comes in.

What mindful acceptance actually is

Mindful acceptance is not passive.

And it is not giving up.

It is the skill of noticing what is happening in your experience and choosing not to fight it.

It is mindfulness plus acceptance.

Mindfulness means recognizing what is happening right now.

Thoughts.

Emotions.

Body sensations.

Acceptance means allowing those experiences to be present without struggling against them.

This matters because insomnia is fueled by resistance.

Resistance to being awake.

Resistance to discomfort.

Resistance to uncertainty.

The more you resist, the more your nervous system becomes activated.

An activated nervous system does not sleep.

When you stop fighting what you cannot control, the threat response begins to shut down.

That is not philosophical.

It is biological.

Clean pain vs Dirty pain

A useful way to understand this comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

It distinguishes between Clean Pain and Dirty Pain.

Clean pain is unavoidable.

Fatigue.

Frustration.

Disappointment.

Anxiety about the future.

These are part of being human.

Dirty pain is what we add on top.

Catastrophic thinking.

Self-criticism.

Endless mental replay.

Trying to force feelings to disappear.

Letting insomnia dominate your identity and choices.

Most of the suffering of insomnia is Dirty pain.

And Dirty pain is optional.

Mindful acceptance is how you reduce dirty pain.

The Tug of War exercise

One of the clearest ways to understand acceptance is through the tug-of-war metaphor.

Imagine you are in a tug-of-war with insomnia.

The insomnia monster is massive.

Strong. Relentless.

There is a deep pit between you.

You are gripping the rope with everything you have.

Pulling. Straining. Terrified of losing.

You believe that if you just pull hard enough, insomnia will disappear.

But the harder you pull, the harder it pulls back.

You are exhausted.

And still stuck.

This is what fighting insomnia feels like.

Now imagine something different.

Instead of pulling harder, you drop the rope.

The monster does not vanish.

But the struggle ends.

You are no longer at the edge of the pit.

You are no longer using all your energy to fight.

This is acceptance.

Not winning.

Not fixing.

But stepping out of the battle.

And when you do that, your nervous system finally has a chance to calm down.

Dropping the rope in practice

You can practice this any time.

During the day. At night.

When anxiety spikes. When frustration hits.

Pause.

Notice what is present.

A thought. A feeling. A body sensation.

Now notice how you are fighting it.

Tensing. Arguing. Trying to escape.

Then imagine the tug of war.

And imagine dropping the rope.

Let the sensation be there without trying to change it.

Breathe normally. Allow space.

You are not approving of discomfort.

You are simply stopping the fight.

This does not make discomfort disappear instantly.

That is not the goal.

The goal is to stop feeding the threat response.

Each time you drop the rope, you teach your nervous system that this is not an emergency.

And a nervous system that does not feel threatened does not need to stay awake.

Why this changes sleep

Insomnia persists when sleep feels high stakes.

Acceptance lowers the stakes.

When you stop fighting wakefulness, wakefulness becomes less threatening.

When wakefulness becomes less threatening, hyperarousal decreases.

When hyperarousal decreases, sleep becomes possible.

You do not need to accept insomnia forever.

You only need to accept this moment.

Over and over again.

This is not weakness.

It is strength.

It is the strength to stop wasting energy on battles you cannot win.

And to reclaim your life anyway.

The end goal with mindfulness

Mindful acceptance is not about becoming calm.

It is about becoming flexible.

It is about knowing you can handle discomfort.

That confidence changes everything.

Less fear.

Less pressure.

Less effort.

And eventually, better sleep.

Not because you chased it.

But because you stopped scaring your nervous system away from it.

And this is how insomnia begins to lose its grip.

If you're looking to recover from insomnia for good in as little as 8 weeks, ​schedule a Complimentary Sleep Consult​ to see if we can help.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

Looking for a deep dive into the End Insomnia System? Start with the ​End Insomnia book on Amazon​.

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If you are rebuilding normal sleep, one daytime habit matters more than most people realize.

It is not what you do in bed.

It is what you do before you ever get there.

Specifically, how you handle naps.

Preserving your sleep window by avoiding long naps is one of the simplest ways to support insomnia recovery.

Not because naps are bad.

But because naps weaken the two factors that actually make sleep happen.

Your sleep drive.

And your circadian rhythm.

When either one is reduced, falling asleep becomes harder.

When both are reduced, insomnia sticks around.

This is why the End Insomnia System encourages sleeping only within your Sleep Window at night whenever possible.

Not as a discipline.

Not as punishment.

But as a way to let biology do the heavy lifting.

Why naps interfere with nighttime sleep

When you nap, two things happen.

First, you reduce your sleep drive.

Sleep drive is the pressure to sleep that builds the longer you stay awake and active.

Every minute of daytime sleep releases some of that pressure.

Which means there is less left to help you at night.

Second, naps blur your circadian rhythm.

Your body learns when sleep belongs based on patterns.

Daytime sleep sends a mixed signal.

Nighttime sleep becomes less distinct.

Together, these effects undermine your Sleep Starting Force.

That is why naps often lead to:

Less sleepiness at bedtime.

More time awake in bed.

More frustration and doubt.

And more anxiety as the night goes on.

What to do instead

The simplest rule works best.

Avoid napping if you can.

That said, exhaustion happens.

If you truly cannot stay awake, a short nap is okay.

If you nap, keep it under 30 minutes.

Have it before 3 p.m.

Set an alarm so it does not drift longer.

If you lie down and do not fall asleep, that is still helpful.

Close your eyes.

Rest your body.

Let your nervous system settle.

Even quiet rest can restore energy without sabotaging the night ahead.

Easing into your Sleep Window at night

The hour before your sleep window matters.

But not in the way most insomnia advice frames it.

This is not about rituals.

And it is not about making sleep happen.

DO: Have a low-pressure wind-down

About 45 to 60 minutes before your sleep window, start slowing things down.

This is not a sleep effort.

It is simply a transition from day to night.

Choose something you enjoy for its own sake.

Reading.

Listening to music or a podcast.

Watching something familiar.

Spending time with others.

Doing something creative.

You can meditate if you like, as long as it is not an attempt to force sleep.

The goal is not perfect calm.

The goal is less stimulation and less rumination.

If anxiety shows up, that is normal.

Do not fight it.

Keep your attention on what you are doing.

Sleep does not require anxiety to disappear.

DON’T: Watch the clock

Once your wind-down begins, stop clock-watching.

Clock watching creates pressure.

Pressure creates threat.

Threat creates wakefulness.

When you stop tracking minutes, your body speaks more clearly.

You will notice sleepiness more naturally.

Yawning.

Heavy eyes.

Head nodding.

If you go to bed slightly before or after your sleep window, that is fine.

Flexibility is more sleep compatible than precision.

DON’T: Try to force sleep

If you are not sleepy at the start of your sleep window, do not force yourself to sleep.

Tired but wired is not sleepiness.

Sleepiness is biological.

You cannot create it through effort.

You have two options.

One option is to stay out of bed until sleepiness arrives.

Do something calm and pleasant.

When you feel sleepy, go to bed.

The second option is to go to bed at the start of your sleep window and allow wakefulness.

Read.

Listen to something.

Or just rest.

The key is permission.

Permission to be awake.

Permission to let sleep arrive on its own timeline.

Having a plan prevents frustration.

And frustration is one of the fastest ways to become more awake.

If you're looking to recover from insomnia for good in as little as 8 weeks, schedule a Complimentary Sleep Consult to see if we can help.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

Looking for a deep dive into the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.