Fostering Voices Podcast

Welcome back to our podcast, friends!

We took a few weeks off, and are so excited to be back with you all.

Over the last few weeks, we have:

- Gone to San Diego for 48 hours (we live 6 hours away via car) and jammed 13 people into a 3 bedroom Air BnB.

- Gone golfing 3 times! Two times it was 109 degrees, and therefore much more affordable, but also kind of miserable.

- Did a 36 hour staycation while doing an online Marriage Conference with Don and Renee Worcester. You should call resorts near you to see what they are offering! We stayed here for $99 and with a $25 food and drink credit! When we booked online, it was over $250 with no food or drink credit.

- Helped live stream a mini wedding. And almost got fired, because we aren't very good camera people... But congrats to Nick and Adria! They are one of our couples that we did Premarital Counseling with, this year. Our other couple - Devin and Keenan Murray, also got married during quarantine! Congrats cute couples! Check out this amazing wedding video of the Murrays if you want to see how to do a micro-wedding right!

- Traded off babysitting with our friend, Kara Lackey (from episode 66) so that we could each have some time without our kids! Find a friend who you can trade time with!

- Sent the kids to Nana Camp every Friday! SO THANKFUL for Barb, Chris' mom, for hanging out with the kids every single Friday, and giving us adults a break!

Season 6 news

We made the decision to move from doing 20 episodes a season, to 10. We are still committing to putting out episodes on Sunday mornings at 9am. We just don't think we can do it for 20 weeks in a row, with how crazy quarantine life still is.

We also gave away $100 in honor of our 100th episode! Congrats to Robbi-Anne Strauss for winning that, and leaving such a great review on our podcast. And thanks SO MUCH to Charles and Grace for sponsoring that giveaway! If you would like to be a sponsor of the podcast, or the giveaway. You can learn more on our website!

And this season we are also going to share other podcasts we are listening to every week!

This week, Chris talked about this amazingly heartfelt episode from the Stewardship Podcast. You can learn more about Dan on this website and you can download his book.

Jihae listened to this episode with Nancy Panza, a police pyschologist, on the Joe Rogan Experience. And finally, we also listened to episode 100 of the Brands that Book Podcast. A great listen for anyone running a business from home. Davey, the host of that podcast, was on our podcast for episode 99! Check it out if you want to learn how to start your own podcast!

The Good Word of the Day

"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?"

-Jeremiah 12:5

Such an appropriate word for 2020! Let us keep persevering through hard things. We will all come out stronger and more amazingly!

Thanks so much for being with us!

We hope you enjoyed this episode, and if you did - please leave us a review on iTunes! To see more episodes, check out our website! And feel free to email us at [email protected] . Have a great week, friends!

EPISODE 100!!!! We made it!

And we are so thankful to be able to bring you an absolutely incredible interview with our friend - Wendy Nguyen, of Wendy's Lookbook! Wendy has been a fashion blogger for about 10 years now, and maybe you know her because you are one of her 1.1 million followers on Instagram. But Wendy is so very much more than a pretty face, with incredible fashion sense.

Wendy found herself in foster care at the age of 15. She has been fending for herself ever since (and who am I kidding, before then too.) Wendy shares her powerful story with us - not to entertain or shock us - but to show us that grit will propel you!

To foster parents:

We speak to foster parents (moms especially), and those involved in the foster care system as workers, that we can, and all need to, do better. Showing up more consistently for those in need. Showing up whole heartedly for those in need. Not guarding ourselves from the pain of separation - but loving fiercely for the seasons that we are supposed to love fiercely.

To foster youth:

For foster youth who may be listening - there is hope for you! You are not a victim of your circumstances! You have been dealt a bad hand - whether by your parents, or society. You are not a foster child because you did anything wrong! As Wendy says in the interview: "The system wasn't built for us (the kids)." But keep your head up, follow the rules (they are there for a reason), and chase your dreams! Go to college! Be your own boss. Be whatever you are hoping to become. You have the grit to get you there.

The system is broken. Very. But let's not sit back and feel helpless. We can all work to make lives of foster youth better! We have to try very hard. But it's worth it. Very.

The Good Word of the Day

"Give me a place to stand,... and I will move the world."

- Archimedes

Thank you, Wendy, for sharing your heart with us on this episode. We hope everyone feels moved and motivated to do hard work and make a positive impact on someone else's life. You can connect with Wendy on Instagram, or on her website, or at her store! If you are in New York, please check out Artemis. And if you are not - find them on Instagram!

Thank you friends for being with us for ONE HUNDRED EPISODES! We are so thankful for you. Truly truly we are! We hope that you will check out our brand new website, to find more episodes and resources.

Feel free to connect with us:

Fostering Voices on Instagram

Jihae on Instagram and Chris on Facebook

Fostering Voices on YouTube (you can find this interview on YouTube!)

You can also email us at [email protected]

AND we would LOVE it if you would SUBSCRIBE and leave us a review on iTunes! (If you don't know how to do that, watch this quick little video!)

This helps others to find our podcast so we can share these voices from the foster care and adoption community with more people!

If you want to start a podcast, this is the episode for you! We sat down for over an hour with Davey Jones, of Davey and Krista , The Brands that Book Podcast, and the Till Agency.

As you can see, we are on Episode 99, and the Brands that Book Podcast is at 96 episodes at the time of this episode going live. So, we definitely know a thing or two about starting a podcast, and maintaining it. The only thing that isn't amazing on this episode is that the audio isn't the best when Chris or I are speaking... This is admittedly the first remote interview that we are airing, and so we are still learning and expanding our podcast as well! But Davey sounds great! And this podcast is also available on YouTube in case you like to watch people talk about podcasts.

So, some advice:

- Don't get stuck on all the things you think you should do - and just do what you can do. If you have Wifi, a good phone, and a great idea for a podcast - you are basically ready to start podcasting!

- Think about your audience, and who they are, what they want to hear, when they want to hear it, and make a battle plan through that lens. Davey releases episodes every Wednesday, and we release episodes every Sunday, for 20 weeks straight. Then we take a 6-8 week break! Your audience will come to learn your schedule, and then come to expect episodes from you on those days! Even if it's once a month!

- Davey recommends having a website as the second thing to invest in when starting your podcast! Your podcast will live on a hosting platform (ours is Libsyn, Davey's is Fireside), and people will listen to it on iTunes, Spotify, and other places where you can listen to podcasts. BUT, if you don't have a website for yourself/your podcast, you don't really 'own' your podcast. If Libsyn disappeared tomorrow - we would still have our website, and our episodes on their own posts. If you need a website - you should check out Showit.co - our fantastic podcast sponsor!

Davey and Krista are also website designers who design on Showit. They also have a design template specifically for podcasters, and it is AMAZING! We are about to re-release our website using their new template!

Equipment

- A cell phone if you want to go very basic - but still good! on iPhones, there is an app called 'Voice Memo', and the quality of that mic is actually really great! And the mic that comes in your airpods, and even the ear buds that come with your phone are really great. A Kristen Friend, who was on episode 68, records and uploads her podcast completely from her phone. You can find out more at Anchor.

- Blue Yeti. This is the most popular, and easy-to-use mic. You just plug it right into your computer via the USB port. It's about $129 so it won't set you back very much at all.

- We use this mic. Well, 4 of them. But keep in mind that we are 3 years into our podcast, and we primarily do in-person, group interviews. And we have this mixer for the 4 mics, and headphones.

- Davey uses the Shure SM7B. This is the same kind of mic that Michael Jackson used to record Thriller. You're welcome for that piece of trivia.

- Davey mentioned the lavalier mic that plugs into your phone. We haven't used this before, but this appears to be a very affordable way to get a mic for your phone.

Services

- We mentioned earlier that you will need to find a podcasting host. Others include Zencast, and Blubrry. Most services range from $7-$20, depending on your storage/size needs.

- We upload our podcast onto Audacity, and that's where we edit it. Others use Garage Band on their Macs. This is FREE!!!!

- Davey uses We Edit Podcasts, to edit his podcasts and get transcripts. There are other services you can use at Fiverr for a little less, depending on your needs.

- Davey also mentioned that they use Fusebox to have a great podcast player on their website. This costs about $8/month .

You surely don't need ALL of these tools and services. It's best to start off with the most basic things, and add on as your podcast gains momentum.

Another great piece of advice for podcasters is to remain flexible enough to recognize that you can pivot at any moment. Maybe you will add more episodes per week/month. Or maybe you will add a cohost, or intro music, or who knows? But not feeling like you are trapped with one thing you thought you 'had to do' will help you to enjoy podcasting all the more.

You are going to want to upload your podcast onto iTunes, as it is one of the most popular platforms for consuming podcasts. To get ready for that, you will need to have at least one episode of your podcast recorded. Then you will also need art work (a little thumbnail), a title, a description for your podcast, and which category you want to be in (we are in family, Davey is in business.) Submitting to iTunes takes some time, so it will take 24-48 hours to connect and validate your podcast.

The Good Word of the Day

Davey encouraged all of us to think of just the next step. Whether in business, or in life, this is good advice! We can easily feel overwhelmed, or anxious about all that is out there to do, and deal with. But just think of the next thing you need to do: feed your kids, and yourself, get some work done.

We are SO THANKFUL for Davey and Krista and their time and support! Check out our new website next week! And feel free to connect with them at the above links we provided, as well as on social media!

Join us again next week for episode ONE HUNDRED!

We are so thankful to be able to welcome Dr. Ray Branton back to the podcast this week. If you missed it - we talked about marriage and relationships in Episode 97. You are definitely going to want to listen to that one as well!

This week we are talking about ANXIETY. Does that give you anxiety to just see the word? Well, something that you need to know is that anxiety is NORMAL. And it's beneficial. As long as it doesn't paralyze you and cause you to not be able to function properly. But we have overpathologized fear and worry, and that's why it seems like everyone is struggling with anxiety.

What many of us need is more balance in our lives. We don't need to be lawnmower parents - paving the way for our kids to have no trials or tribulation. We also shouldn't spend all of our time on social media, since that has been proven to cause users to feel less satisfied with their lives due to comparison analysis.

Instead, Dr. Branton encourages us to replace the word 'anxiety' with 'curiosity'. You may be anxious about the future, or you are curious about it. You may feel anxious about a relationship, or you are curious as to how you can improve it. Curiosity has many more positive connotations, and anxiety is negative, but the sentiments are similar.

Dr. Branton also sees anxiety as the beast we try to cage up, but that we keep on feeding. If we can find people that we trust - even if it's a licensed counselor - we will be able to keep anxiety at bay. In fact, the #1 change agent is RELATIONSHIP. This is true when someone who needs help goes to a counselor, and they trust their counselor, and the advice they are receiving. It's not the advice. It's the relationship. And so when we are in community with people that we love, trust, and are able to be vulnerable with - we will grow, we will change, we will thrive!

The Good Word of the Day

"Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed."

Proverbs 15:22

So find your community! You may have to be the person who reaches out and starts to build it! And that's great. You can hand pick the people you want to have in your inner circle. We are so thankful that people have let us into their worlds, and we are thankful for the people that we have in ours.

We hope you enjoyed today's episode. If you did, we would love for you to leave us a 5 star review on iTunes, and to subscribe! You can reach us at [email protected] or on Instagram.

Have a great week and join us again next week for episode 99!

This week we are so thankful to be able to welcome our friend, Ray Branton to the podcast! He shares practical ways to have successful, and meaningful relationships - with your friends, but especially with your spouse!

Things that are important to remember in relationship is to empathize and listen. Feel what the other is feeling, and hear their hearts. Another major key is to remember that you are both on the same team! This is crucial to remembering that your spouse has good intentions, even if they may have done or said something negative. Empathy is the glue of good relationships.

Some signs of a healthy marriage is whether or not you can move through conflict quickly. Not in 10 minutes, but also not in 10 days. Or 10 months. Actually talking through your conflict, and both parties feeling like they have been heard and seen.

Another sign of a healthy marriage is that you have fun and you laugh together! But this can only be done when you create a safe place for everyone in the relationship to feel valued. You cannot live your lives in pursuit of fun, and high highs, cause the daily grind is difficult - but you can still make that fun. It just takes work and intentionality. Make time for daily deep connectedness.

And conflict and stress are not signs of a bad marriage. In fact, stress and pressure create meaning, growth, and depth in your relationship - and life!

And also make sure that you surround yourself with likeminded individuals, and couples who are striving for the same things as you! If you want to make an impact on this world, you have to surround yourself with others who are making an impact in this world. You need support, you need community. And then make sure you are being a support to those who want to be where you are! Find a mentor, be a mentor!

You can find out more about Ray and his practice, PCA Counselors at their website.

And feel free to connect with us as well via email or social media!

This is one of our shortest episodes - clocking in at just under 20 minutes! We wanted to do a nice light episode where our listeners could get to know us a bit better, without having to hear us retell our life stories. Which come up here and there over the last 95 episodes.

So, we answer these 3 questions, which are really great conversation starters. Use them as an ice breaker next time you are in a group!

1. What is something difficult you overcame in your childhood?

2. When is a time when you were very scared?

3. What are your highs and lows of... (fill in the blank.) Ours was foster care.

The Good Word of the Day

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

- Ecclesiastes 4:12

There have been too many times throughout our lives when we have been weak and overpowered, but we are thankful for our marriage, and our relationship with our community, and with the Lord, that we are not broken or overtaken. Find your community. Let them hold you up when you are weak and weary. And when you are strong, then make sure you are helping to hold others up!

We hope you enjoy this episode, and we would love to hear your answers to these questions!

If you would like to connect, you can email us at [email protected] . Or you can find us on social media on Instagram, and on Facebook.

Have a great week, friends!

In Arizona, foster parents need to complete 12 hours of training every year in order to keep their license open. Chris and I managed to get 9 in, and had to take 3 hours online. And when I say we did '3 hours', the trainings we picked gave us '3 hours', but it took us less than 1 hour to read through a long article, take a 20 question multiple choice test, and we were done. And by the way - Chris and I both got 100% on our tests. That's a not so humble brag right there!

If you are in need of training hours, you can google it for the state you live in. But your best bet is to ask your licensing worker from your agency, and they should have a list of trainings you can take in person, or online. Chris and I went through fosterparents.com/training. We were issued certificates once we were done, and then we emailed those to our case worker. It's very simple, and though the website is ugly, the trainings offered are pretty good!

Chris did his training on Feelings, and I did mine on Loss. They were very intermingled, so it worked well for us to do a podcast episode on them!

Some important things to remember about Feelings:

- Let your children talk openly about all of them. Do not bring shame, condemnation, annoyance, and other of your own negative feelings to the table when your child is trying to share with you! Don't say things like 'Boys don't cry' or 'go to your room and calm down'

- The 'go to your room and calm down' phrase is all too common in many parents' vocabularies. But it tells your kids that they need to deal with their feelings in isolation, and that you don't care to work out their problems with them

- Do not let 'I Don't Know' be the answer to questions. This is a simple way that we all choose not to engage with others, and we want to engage with our children, friends, humans. So only say it if you mean it. And teach your children to use this sparingly as well.

- Alexithymia is the feeling that no one else understands what you are saying or feeling. It is a heavy burden for kids to deal with, and we need to help our kids find the vocabulary for their feelings. Professional help is strongly advised for anyone who has Alexithymia.

Loss

- Children in foster care and adoptive homes deal with so many layers of loss. It's one thing to have your parents pass away. It's another thing to know your parents are alive and in some cases - living with some of your siblings, but not you. So many hard emotions and thoughts to grapple with.

- There is expected loss, which is still difficult, but at least some time to prepare for. And then there is sudden loss, which is much harder to deal with. And this is always the case for kids in care.

- The losses that everyone in care is dealing with, is manifold.

For the foster children: their families, homes, toys and clothes, schools, teachers, friends, etc

For foster families: normalcy, a degree of ease and comfort, probably having to share rooms/toys/parents/attention with more kids, etc

Everyone is sacrificing, and dealing with so much. Which is why we need more grace and compassion for everyone.

- We have to remember to let children feel their pain, and help them to walk through it. Sometimes we need to ask for professinonal help as well.

Some not important things we mentioned:

Adopting a desert tortoise through the Arizona Game and Fish organization. We got one, and our kids, and Chris, are SO HAPPY.

The Good Word of the Day

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

-Matthew 5:4

In this life - we will have trouble. God knows this. And we know this. Fortunately, we can find comfort. Through the Lord. And through those around us. Let's not suffer along. Let's not let kids mourn and struggle alone either.

Thanks for tuning in for another episode of our podcast!

If you have any questions, feel free to find us on social media or email us!

This week's episode is all about how to get licensed for foster care right now. We are still in the middle of a global pandemic, and so it is actually easier to get licensed right now, than ever before. Because all of the classes, and most of the requirements can be done online! And it's also easier - cause you have no where to go! No sports, or dinner commitments, or even work functions to go to. You are home. You can watch all the classes on your computer!

Kirsten Abiatti, a former foster mom, adoptive mom, and amazing director at Arizona127, shares just how simple it is to get licensed, and things we should expect along the way.

So go to Arizona 127 to see how you can get started today!

Go to DCS's official website to report any abuse or to learn more about becoming a foster parent today.

We also had Lindsay Stamm of Arizona 127 on the podcast before. She was on episode 59, and you should check that episode out as well!

The Good Word of the Day

1. "God is more pleased by our willingness to be faithful along the journey of foster care than He is concerned about our ability to achieve a certain outcome through it."

- Jason Johnson. Reframing Foster Care

2. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

- Galatians 6:9

So don't be concerned about outcomes - we can't control them anyway! And do not grow weary along this journey of foster care. There are so many hard things along the way, but we will reap a harvest at some point! What the harvest will be - who knows! But it will be something good. Just keep going, friends!

A few years ago, I read this book called 'Giftology' by John Ruhlin. John is the #1 Cutco salesman in the history of the company. He prides himself on getting to this position thanks to his ability to make a lasting impression, and understanding the fine art of giving gifts.

With Mother's Day around the corner - and even if you don't listen to this right when we release these episodes, there are always birthdays, Christmas, and other opportunities to buy thoughtful gifts for our loved ones. So we encourage you to listen to this episode to get some tips!

We also share our engagement story in this episode, as we are celebrating our 15 year engagement anniversary this week! But the other reason we share our story is because so often engagement stories are a great example of how it's easy to forget the desires and needs of the recipient of the gift, and to just focus on the needs and desires of the giver of the gift (that's you.) However - that is not the case in our story! Chris made an elaborate plan to propose, but it was still intimate and just involved he and I. And it was full of literal uphill battles, and hiccups, and that's been pretty consistent in our lives!

The Good Word of the Day

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."

- Ephesians 2:8

If there is a gift that is abundant - but that is not given away as freely as it should be - it's Grace. God has graciously poured out his love to us. We should also be gracious to those around us. And gracious to ourselves as well!

We hope you enjoy this episode! We are so thankful for all of you listeners! If you want to connect - feel free to email us at [email protected] , or find us on Instagram!

A few years ago, I read this book called 'Giftology' by John Ruhlin. John is the #1 Cutco salesman in the history of the company. He prides himself on getting to this position thanks to his ability to make a lasting impression, and understanding the fine art of giving gifts.

With Mother's Day around the corner - and even if you don't listen to this right when we release these episodes, there are always birthdays, Christmas, and other opportunities to buy thoughtful gifts for our loved ones. So we encourage you to listen to this episode to get some tips!

We also share our engagement story in this episode, as we are celebrating our 15 year engagement anniversary this week! But the other reason we share our story is because so often engagement stories are a great example of how it's easy to forget the desires and needs of the recipient of the gift, and to just focus on the needs and desires of the giver of the gift (that's you.) However - that is not the case in our story! Chris made an elaborate plan to propose, but it was still intimate and just involved he and I. And it was full of literal uphill battles, and hiccups, and that's been pretty consistent in our lives!

The Good Word of the Day

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."

- Ephesians 2:8

If there is a gift that is abundant - but that is not given away as freely as it should be - it's Grace. God has graciously poured out his love to us. We should also be gracious to those around us. And gracious to ourselves as well!

We hope you enjoy this episode! We are so thankful for all of you listeners! If you want to connect - feel free to email us at [email protected] , or find us on Instagram!