Freedom from Attachment

We just can't stand it another minute, and then miraculously, we find another way to numb out or tell ourselves a story to keep us from toppling the apple cart. A lifetime can be spent living in fear of disrupting life's patterns even though we are miserable. We will sweep things under the rug or avoid making life-altering decisions because we don't want to deal with what could be messy or a mistake... or a new beginning. So we keep towing the rope in our relationships, job or projects we undertake, hoping for a miracle or something outside of us to shift our reality.

Except it never happens. At least not how we think it is supposed to. Instead more pain arrives, perhaps even crises occur, before we finally decide to REALLY live. Why wait? Learn how to get out of this soul crushing cycle.

Some of us people please to be liked or because we feel obligated. The problem with placing ourselves in this position is that it's not genuine giving, and it makes us feel disconnected from ourselves. We are trying to control instead of being who we are. We believe we can control how others perceive us, and create an image that we feel is acceptable, but doing so places ourselves in a prison of limitation by not being true to ourselves. Not only is people-pleasing a form of lying, it doesn't actually work. All that effort for no pay off. Only frustration, resentment and non-fulfillment.

If we really saw ourselves through the eyes of others, we would have a mixed bag... and then what would we do? Be a chameleon? Better to turn inward and go with who we really are and what we want to do.

If you are unhappy, dissatisfied, on edge or think the person you’re in a relationship with is the issue, take a look at your own disconnection. Where are YOU unhappy, dissatisfied and on edge? Choosing who you want to be in a relationship with each day begins with choosing yourself. Being emotionally connected to yourself first and foremost is the only way to genuinely give. If you don’t give to yourself before giving to your partner, you’re pulling from an empty vessel. Most people do not understand the value of choosing themselves, valuing themselves and how it creates a whole different perspective on life. Where do YOU factor into the relationship equation? Choose yourself first and the relationship with your partner will strengthen.

We create tons of excuses about WHY we stay in a struggling relationship, especially one where we feel anxious, sad, and any combination of painful emotions.

Our justification has to do with the fear, the anxiety that balls up in our gut at the thought of moving on. We avoid it, because we’re afraid of losing the table scraps we have, often telling ourselves it's a magical connection and we can't live without it!

This type of relationship, may have two people physically calling themselves a couple, or two people dating, who never seem to call themselves a couple with an important component missing from either scenario.....and that is: emotional intimacy. Emotionally unavailable relationships are usually the result of attachment. The person is looked to as a source of validation and gives us a false sense of our own reality.

Curious? Find out more when I speak on this topic next Tuesday. Please call in to have your questions answered, and if you can't show up live, feel free to email your questions ahead of time.

Many of us complain about drama, but we're usually referring to others' drama, not our own. So how do we become involved when the last place we want to be is in the thick of it? Well, many of us observed drama growing up, and as much as we say we don't like it or want it, we often help to create it.

As human beings we all have our own perception of reality based on our beliefs; our filter through which we see the world. So when we see and interpret situations, that doesn’t always translate into what someone else sees or experiences. When we don’t feel heard or think we are misunderstood, our communications tends to provoke the other person—whether intentionally or not. As a result, friction can occur and drama is created.

How do you stop it? Transparent communication and speaking your truth is a good start. Speaking from a place of honesty about how you feel rather than blaming or reacting or indicting the other person goes a long way toward releasing the “resistance stance” against each other.

Have you ever felt stuck when pressured (often by someone else) to let go of something in your life, but cannot figure out how to do it? The opinion of others, plus the voice in your head, should not be ruling your readiness to move on from a relationship, job or difficult situation. There is no timetable!

And even if you physically moved on, like in the case of a breakup, did you emotionally? If not, you are dragging that luggage with you and increasing your level of anxiety because you didn't achieve clarity and resolution for yourself. Learn how to deal with the emotions that accompany challenging situations so you’re able to let go… in your own time.

Resistance keeps us stuck because what we resist persists. The good news is we DO have a choice. We can decide not to be in battle with ourselves, and instead accept what currently is. My mantra for when I’m faced with resistance is, “Live and let go. Release what you cannot control. Accept and surrender.” This is when magic happens because it opens you up to possibilities, freeing you from your current limitations. Opportunities show up when you stop holding on so tightly, trying to fill the space with your vision of how you wanted things to be. When you trust and allow, magic is able to do its job and present you with innumerable gifts. But you have to get out of your own way. Repeat the mantra and take it in… it’s amazing to be free.

How do I know if I’m settling? How do I know if this person/job/house/situation is as good as it gets? Actually, as it turns out, you really DO know deep inside, you just often choose to ignore it. And we’ve all done it… some of us still do. We settle in love, work and life because it’s easy, safe and comfortable. It’s a way to hedge our bets against disappointment (i.e. dating someone you’re pretty sure would never run out on you). The problem is, settling is painful, and it comes from a scarcity mindset because you’re afraid there might not be anything better. And let me tell you, that is existing; it’s not living. Learn how to stretch yourself out of being comfortably numb.

I'm all about being authentic, yet many of us have no idea what it takes to do so on a regular basis. People used to tell me I was authentic, but honestly there were times when I was anything but. The fear and discomfort of someone seeing me in a different light kept me from being myself; I was afraid of being a disappointment. We all find ourselves in situations where we try to appear confident—especially in relationships where we’re afraid of loss. But what ends up happening is we choose what is safe, which usually involves hiding instead of showing up how we really are. Being authentic takes courage.

Learn what confidence IS and what it is not. It has nothing to do with arrogance or being superior. Quite the opposite, actually. Those who pretend they know it all are usually overcompensating for the insecurity they feel inside.

An informative hour with Kerry Wekelo, who will be discussing how Ayurveda made a difference in not just her emotional health, but also helped her to lose weight permanently.

Kerry is also a past client of mine.She juggles her main gig as Managing Director for Actualize Consulting, her passion as an entrepreneur with her business Zendoway (life coaching, yoga and wellness), she is also a writer and the mother to two young children!

Learn more about her here: www.zendoway.com