Freedom from Attachment

I'm all about being authentic, yet many of us have no idea what it takes to do so on a regular basis. People used to tell me I was authentic, but honestly there were times when I was anything but. The fear and discomfort of someone seeing me in a different light kept me from being myself; I was afraid of being a disappointment. We all find ourselves in situations where we try to appear confident—especially in relationships where we’re afraid of loss. But what ends up happening is we choose what is safe, which usually involves hiding instead of showing up how we really are. Being authentic takes courage.

Learn what confidence IS and what it is not. It has nothing to do with arrogance or being superior. Quite the opposite, actually. Those who pretend they know it all are usually overcompensating for the insecurity they feel inside.

An informative hour with Kerry Wekelo, who will be discussing how Ayurveda made a difference in not just her emotional health, but also helped her to lose weight permanently.

Kerry is also a past client of mine.She juggles her main gig as Managing Director for Actualize Consulting, her passion as an entrepreneur with her business Zendoway (life coaching, yoga and wellness), she is also a writer and the mother to two young children!

Learn more about her here: www.zendoway.com

Taking others personally can keep us engaged in a battle of fitting their perception or going against it. Authenticity is lost when we try to change the perspective others may have of us. I’ll get into how we can avoid taking things personally, and also why we do it in the first place; what is really going on in our lives to cause it? Sometimes we use it as a wedge to create distance from some people while we bring others closer. Our interpretation of situations that lead us down this road often has nothing to do with reality. It’s about looking at the situation objectively and asking what alternate scenarios might be true—ones that have nothing to do with us.

We think we’re definitive in our likes, dislikes, actions and words… but often we’re not. We’re fickle. We may THINK we’re clearly stating who we are to the world, but others see us through their own filters (and we see others through ours). If you see yourself as black and white, you’re trying to fit the broad strokes of life into a small, SAFE package. You live by rules, experiencing life in a very limited (and sometimes miserable) way.

We are all shades of grey in how we think, feel and act, but try to hide that from the outside world. Instead of being weird, unique or even hypocritical at times, we stay within the lines others have drawn for us. If feels safe, but how can you ever truly know who you are or what you want based on how other people think you should live? It’s a very limited view of what’s possible. Below are some of the questions I answer in this episode:

So how do you gain the courage to live outside the lines?

How does the way we relate to others keep us from success in life?

How do you tell if a relationship is right for you?

How can you stop repeating the same patterns?

Why can’t you let go of relationships?

Here is where the magic happens, yet “here” is not where most of us live. We may be physically here, but emotionally we're checked out. And I'm not just talkin' in relationships—it happens in many parts of our lives. From going on vacation to friendships to jobs to working out… we place a “vacancy” sign on our foreheads when it comes to being fully engaged, present, fulfilled and happy.

We intellectualize everything that comes our way, putting it through our “rationale” detector, which allows us to participate on a surface level instead of fully experiencing the event. The quickest way to destruction is to be emotionally unavailable. Life is meant to be experienced viscerally, organically, emotionally. It is EXPERIENTIAL. How can we do what we love if we can’t feel it? How can we love someone if we’re blocking it? How can we love OURSELVES if we’re wrapped up in our intellect, playing it safe?

We can't. Want to change your life? Learn the tools to become emotionally available without the fear of decimation.

We only have one life, and if it resembles something our parents, society or some invisible entity would approve of instead of what we WANT, we’re living a rock bottom existence. Plenty of people find themselves in situations that are considered the “right thing to do,” but according to whose standards? Where did those rules come from, and why have so many of us caved into a life that belongs to someone else? We’ve competed, compared and cajoled our way into positions that leave us feeling empty, unfulfilled and wanting.

In a bad relationship or job in which you feel like you settled for a life that isn’t yours, isn’t it time to get a clue about what would feel good? Are you ready to ask yourself, “Why am I here?” and “Where has my life gone?” Join me to learn how we end up living someone else’s life… and how to choose our own instead.

The depth of what we want is matched by our fear of having it, so we sabotage our efforts most of the time without realizing it. How do we finally stop, so we can accept and receive what we say we really desire?

It's a commitment. Period. The crazy part is we will remain in what doesn't work, doesn't feel good and because it's familiar...comfortable, we find an excuse for another day to stay right where we are ...not moving forth.

When it is hard to move out of a space and into another, it is the borders of your usual prison—your patterns which keep you there. And you will stay there, as long as it seems too hard to do something else.

People say they want abundance of love, money and health, YET...look in most of our lives and our actions, which come from our feelings (our auto-pilot reactions too) are what keep us in this cycle of never reaching beyond to the true wealth of a life fulfilled that we all say we want to experience.

I know what is like from my own experience. I spend time daily, releasing the chains I let bind me to parts of my life, I completely did NOT want and I've found success in the methods I have embraced. Let me share with you some tools on why you're in that hot spot, why you stay, and what you would need to do to get out once and for all.

How often do you look for signs when you don't want to let go after a break-up? You see his or her name everywhere; weird coincidences abound, so you think perhaps it's destiny. Could it be he or she is coming back? Or on the flip side when you're trying to let go, certain signs follow you around without seeming provocation. It can be frustrating and heart-wrenching, especially if you feel you've finally started letting go, and then you see your ex’s name on billboards or the back of a truck. Ugh!

And what about other signs? Do you give meaning to them or blow them off? Maybe your high school football number or old anniversary appears in dollar amounts, dates or time of day. Does that mean every sign you see has meaning? Most of us are certain it "means something.” Attachment can intensify not only our own feelings, but what we see in the world. Join me as we talk about the difference between subtle signs that suggest you're on the right track, and the ones that won't leave you alone.

If you're not familiar with it, ghosting is the trend of disappearing from the life of someone you’re dating. You just stop responding to them… via text, phone, email, etc., essentially turning into a ghost. People do it for several reasons, including a lack of courage and humanity to let the other person know you no longer want to see them.

Some people think it’s easier and more effective, but those who have been ghosted find it anxiety-provoking. They’re often left scratching their head about what happened, even after several attempts at contacting the “ghost.” So who really benefits from this form of break-up? Is it worse than being broken up with via text?

Join me for some coping tools to deal with this ghosting phenomenon. Oh, and if you’ve ever been the ghost, learn how to confidently leave a relationship instead of running out the backdoor. Self-induced guilt isn’t fun to live with! There’s a better way.

There are two benefits of a painful relationship: one real and one perceived. Humans don’t do anything unless there is a benefit.

Staying stuck, even when it’s painful, gives us the illusion of safety. It keeps us from taking risks or challenging our beliefs (i.e. there’s no one else out there for me). Unfortunately this perceived benefit may keep people stuck their entire lives, unable to move forward. The true benefit of a bad relationship is one of personal growth. It’s an opportunity to learn what keeps us tethered to the untenable, allowing our pain and starting to make different choices. Yup, hard to do… making a decision to take care of yourself vs. pleasing the other person by abandoning yourself. Hard, but possible.

Join me and guest Cristina DiMeglio to learn what makes a bad relationship, why you stay and how to move on!