Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

My friends and I talk about money all the time.

It’s a great way to crowdsource information from people in the same season of life. I also think it helps us be more open with one another.

But money can be a taboo topic and difficult to navigate with friends. To help us through these sometimes tricky conversations, we have Sarah Roller, a financial coach who helps clients create personalized money management plans. In this episode, we cover the different levels in which you can talk about money. When is it valuable to talk numbers, and what are easy gateways into these conversations?

Remember: the way you or I manage money isn’t right or wrong. It can be different but right for each of us in the current moment. How can we approach these conversations with respect and curiosity?

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Reasons to talk with friends about money, from gathering ideas on how to manage your own finances to understanding how friends will want to spend time together
• The different levels of money conversations you can have with friends and non-threatening ways to start these conversations
• Sharing financial goals with friends, which can alleviate discomfort when deciding how you want to spend time together and understand each other’s thought processes
• Approaching these topics with curiosity and respect, and knowing that everyone has different feelings about the actual numbers
• Asking yourself: WHY are you asking? What will you both get out of it? And when is it actually useful to share numbers and details?

Resources & Links

Visit Sarah’s website and download her free tool about how to plan for life’s irregular expenses.

Learn more about my roots framework!

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Today’s episode is about friendship goals. Why set them? What do they look like?

So many people are taking one action after another when it comes to friendship without much thought as to why. They’re repeating old patterns and doing what they “think” they should do instead of focusing on their ideal vision of social wellness.

I say “ideal vision” with a grain of salt. Likely, this vision is a moving target, changing as you change. Here, we talk about the steps to take and offer tips and examples that might help you make these goals for 2024.

Like with anything, making and executing friendship goals will take a LOT of brain power in the beginning, but I hope you push through that uncomfortable phase and get to the place where you’re just fine tuning.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The steps to making friendship goals, from setting aside time to reflect to stepping back and looking at the big picture
• Categories to think about when making the goals, like: How much time do you have? What are your habits? What types of people do you want to meet?
• Assessing friendship problems you’re currently having, like: Are there places where you’re guilting or shaming yourself? What areas are you overwhelmed in?
• Six tips for making great friendship intentions; for example: Lean into interests! Create consistency! Use technology!
• Twenty examples of different friendship goals you could make; for example: Commit to connecting to one friend a month! Set admin friend time on your calendar! 
• Being open to meeting new people and new versions of friends you already have – put your phone down, make small talk, be open, etc.

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Books are like people – they come into our lives when we most need them.

Today’s guest, Kara Infante, host of the Bookish Flights podcast, shares this quote by Emma Thompson at the end of every podcast episode. 

Community and books are important to Kara, and as a military spouse who moves frequently with her family, she’s learned that, for her, the easiest way to make connections in a new place is through book clubs, both by joining them and creating them.

Talking about books might not involve the biggest, deepest shares, but allows people to see a bit of who you are. The idea seems deceptively simple, but it’s actually genius. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: specificity is a great way to make connections. 

You can apply Kara’s tips and ideas to any interest you might have. If you’re looking to reconnect or deepen some friendships, spend a few minutes thinking about the shared interests you have. It might be a really easy way to open the door to more conversation.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• All about Kara’s podcast, Bookish Flights, which, in each episode, introduces three books that pair well together
• How Kara meets new people by joining or creating book clubs, and why this works so well (recurring schedule, shared passions, easy reason to reach out, etc.)
• Using Kara’s techniques for finding people during other big life changes (new jobs, new life circumstances, etc.) 
• Creating a community you can take with you so that you don’t have to start over every time you move
• How to find a book club or create a book club using Kara’s format, plus, how to stay close to friends through the Sisterhood of the Traveling Books

Resources & Links:

Check out Kara’s podcast, Bookish Flights, and find her on Instagram and Facebook.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

In this episode, we return to one of Friendship IRL’s most quintessential questions: what IS a friend anyway?

Today’s guest is Jeni Holla, who, two and a half years ago, left her conventional job to hit the road with her husband and pups and live the nomad life. They thought this adventure would last six or twelve months but liked it so much they’re still living this lifestyle.

Having a social life on the road is challenging. Jeni doesn’t have many close friends, unlike her husband, who has been close to the same people for decades. When she reached out to Friendship IRL, she said she sometimes felt she wasn’t doing friendship “right.”

The question of what friendship looks like is one I get asked a lot. If you’re like Jeni and her husband, who move frequently, the question is even more pressing. There is no one answer – what works for you might not always be what works for other people, and that’s okay.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The activities or “plugs” we associate with certain people – and how, often, if you just go do the thing you want to do, you’ll meet other people doing that thing
• Connecting to people in a small town vs. a big city and how Jeni “follows the breadcrumbs” in new towns, often meeting people in third places
• The “ride-or-die” friends, which are difficult to maintain when we get older due to people moving to new places or transitioning to new lifestyles
• The power in knowing what you want out of friendship, which allows you to create a filter and meet people with intention
• The patience required for deep connections, and how there are always more layers you can develop

Resources & Links:

In this episode, I refer to Episode 3, “What is a Friend?”; Episode 12, “Digging Into the 3 Kinds of Friendship Roots”; Episode 38, “Third Places,” and Episode 39, “Take Action.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Opening lines aren’t just for dating – they come in handy when you’re looking for new friends, too.

Today’s guest, Leah Wiseman Fink, says she likes to use this line: Do you want to come over for pizza? Yes, it helps that Leah is also the co-owner of a Brooklyn-based pizza chain, but it’s a great opening line anyone can use.

Leah is a life coach, business coach, and mom of two kids. She grew up in a big Jewish family in the midwest, where everybody was together all the time. When she moved to New York 20 years ago, she found herself creating something very similar for her and her family.

Community building is a skill – but once you learn it, it stays with you forever. Leah’s advice? Just start. Give out your number. Ride the waves.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Leah’s background growing up in a big family where aunts, uncles, and cousins lived closeby, and the “show-up-as-you-are” kind of gatherings they had
• How becoming a parent acted as a catalyst for Leah to create community in Brooklyn, and the recurring, casual gatherings she partakes in
• Good opening lines and tried-and-true activities for making parent friends; for example: do you want to come over for pizza? Can I give you some hand-me-downs?
• Using the internet (social media in particular) as a method to make friends, and how to fit friend time into busy schedules, from working out together to family sleepovers
• The different ways you can show up for people, from sending food to spending time together – and how specificity can add an extra touch

Resources & Links

Join Leah’s newsletter and follow her on Instagram.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

The holidays are here, which means many of us will be spending time with family and friends over the next couple months. It’s the perfect time to talk about deep conversations with people we care about.

Today’s episode features Chris Burnett, who, in 2020, started a personal project to reconnect with people in his life. It started with weekly calls to catch up. Then, he began asking if he could interview them about their lives.

To date, Chris has recorded more than 70 conversations. After seeing the impact this project had on himself and his people, he decided to share the idea with a broader audience. His book, Conversations: Connecting with People in Our Lives, was released in November.

When Chris reached out to join us on Friendship IRL, I couldn’t say yes fast enough. Having these deep conversations with people we care about is so important. It strengthens our relationships and allows us a better perspective of our people and ourselves.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Chris’s project: how it began (catching up with one person a week) and how that grew into him reaching out for recorded interviews, and then, a book
• Interview format – the wording Chris used during his initial contact, and how he structures the phone conversations
• How these deep conversations can help the person “interviewed” feel special, and how the interviews rekindled lots of relationships for Chris
• My personal story about sitting with friends and talking about why we admire each other, and the impact this had on us
• How the experience helped Chris learn about his friends and family and reflect on his own life and childhood

Resources & Links

A reminder – I have a two-part episode about men’s friendships, Episode 31 and 32.

Be sure to check out Conversations: Connecting with People in Our Lives by Chris Burnett, which is now available on Amazon.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

When DeeDee Moore became a grandparent, she had a hard time finding resources that would help her with the transition.

So, she created one: More than Grand – which has online and downloadable content – covers topics that matter to parents and grandparents, from finding meaningful ways to connect to the latest trends in childcare.

DeeDee joins us today as we talk about the importance of diversity in grandparent relationships. What kinds of support do we need in this season of life? Who is the best person for that? Sometimes it’s children or grandchildren – but sometimes it’s not!

So often people think the answer to better social wellness is to whittle down connections. I think the opposite is true; the more we cut connections, the more pressure there is on the select few to fulfill ALL our social needs. We are unique, dynamic people that deserve to have social connection in a variety of ways.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• More Than Grand, which focuses on helping parents and grandparents communicate better with each other and transition new grandparents into their new role
• What is being a grandparent? What have we been told by society that grandparenting entails, and how are some of those messages harmful?
• How the hyper-focus of being a grandparent can put a lot of pressure on children and grandchildren to fulfill ALL social wellness needs
• The lack of control we have regarding whether or not we become grandparents – and other ways to get the “grandparent” experience
• Navigating the grandparent/adult child relationship, which changes when grandchildren arrive, and the importance of sharing expectations with each other
• Mixing family and friends at gatherings and the importance of being open to letting go of old traditions and embracing new ones

Resources & Links

Learn about More Than Grand through DeeDee’s website, Instagram, and Facebook, and check out DeeDee’s New Grandparent Essentials kit.

See the relationship framework about the types of friends and the roots of connection in your life that I mention in this episode. For even more on this topic, check out Episode 12 of this podcast.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD. I didn’t know it at the time, but ADHD was affecting so many areas of my life, including my friendships.

Navigating friendships with a neurodiverse brain is tricky. I talked about it in Episode 40, and here we delve into the topic again with today’s guest, Charlotte Dover, an ADHD life coach who supports late-diagnosed and self-diagnosed ADHD women.

Charlotte herself was diagnosed with ADHD at age 36 and has spent the past two and a half years learning about it from a personal perspective.

Listening back to this episode makes me emotional, but I think there’s power in putting this stuff out there. Hopefully today’s episode will create more understanding for the neurotypical people out there and help the neurodivergent listeners feel less alone.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Charlotte’s work with women who have ADHD and her personal journey of learning about her own diagnosis later in life
• The traits and tendencies that can make friendship for people with ADHD very difficult and how Charlotte and Alex combat some of these obstacles
• Common thought patterns (and thought spirals) for people with ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dyasphoria
• “Regulating” ourselves for our neurotypical friends – which might sometimes feel necessary but can also be hard work that keeps us from important experiences
• Loneliness – the definition of it and the importance of rethinking what we actually want out of our friendships (which might not always be a big birthday party!)
• How a new neurodivergent diagnosis can be like bringing a new person into the equation

Resources & Links

Charlotte Dover is an ADHD coach – follow her on Instagram, reach out to her via her website, and listen to her podcast, This Beautiful Chaos.

Tune in to Episode 40: Strawberry Friends: Forming Supportive Friendships While Neurodivergent

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

This week, the Friendship IRL podcast turns a year old. One whole year!

I launched this podcast knowing this was an important topic, but the more work I do, the more I think it’s such a fundamental thing we don’t talk enough about. People have told me this podcast makes them feel seen, which makes me so happy.

But here’s the thing: I cannot do this alone. The only way we make an impact is by people listening, reflecting, and by then making small changes in their own lives. Then, we create a ripple effect, making the social fabric out there a little tighter.

Today I’m talking about why I need you to care about friendship. For me, friendship is foundational, since I didn’t have a strong support system growing up. Here, I go a little deeper into my story.

If this is your first time listening to the podcast, or if you’ve been here for the very beginning: thank you. I’m really excited to dive in on year two.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• A year with Friendship IRL: we’ve covered loneliness, different types of friendships, societal problems that friendship/connection impacts, lived experiences and more
• My story, growing up in an unpredictable household with substance abuse present – and why friendship isn’t just “nice to have,” but foundational for so many 
• How I relied on my friends, friends’ parents, coaches, neighbors, and people around me to learn how to get out of this and not be in survival mode anymore
• How I got  creative when I couldn’t find that “all consuming” support system and built a broader support system for myself on instinct made up mostly of friends
• Reasons to care about friendship: for the people who are rock bottom, but also for the people who need support in more simple ways
• The phrase “I’m fine, it’s fine, everything’s fine,” and the relief you can feel when you finally get the thing you need

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Last March, Erin Woodruff was walking through her neighborhood with her two-year-old daughter. It had been a long winter and it felt like spring would never come.

During the walk, Erin began wondering about her neighbors. Many were also moms of young children. Were they also depressed and tired of the cold weather? She wished she knew them better. So, she created a means to do so.

The next week, she hosted a “Favorite Things” party, a low-barrier gathering that had big effects. So much of the language regarding new friendships is about “joining” or “finding,” but here, Erin created her opportunity to get to know her neighbors better.

I was an event-planner for more than a decade, and I love helping people figure out how to pull off impactful, meaningful gatherings. In this episode, Erin and I talk in-depth about not only how to pull off an intentional neighborhood gathering, but why they’re so important.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Erin’s work as a communications coach and her resolution to make more friends that live close to her after a mid-pandemic move
• The Favorite Things party – the inspiration, the details, how she prepared for it, the intentions behind it, and why the format works well with new acquaintances
• How and why you sometimes want to keep things simple at gatherings – plus, how throwing a gathering like this creates more connection opportunities for the future
• Decision fatigue and the mantra Erin learned from her mother about focusing not on who didn’t come, but instead, at who did
• Creating intentional gatherings – thinking about what your goal is in a gathering and creating an environment in which you can reach that goal

Resources & Links

Want to throw a Favorite Things party? Here are Erin’s tips. Learn more about Erin’s coaching business and check out her podcast, the Time For You Podcast.

Want to learn more about intentional gatherings? Check out The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.