Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Never underestimate the power of the simple things, especially when it comes to friendship.

I love that we tackle the big topics on this podcast, but there’s a special place in my heart for episodes like this one.

Today’s guest is Dr. Zahara Williams, who is a therapist, speaker and author of the After Betrayal workbook. Here, we talk about an amazing group of friends she’s remained close with for years, even after a major move away.

Listening to this episode, I was reminded of how powerful the combination of intention and small actions can be. At the end of the day, it’s the little stuff – the stuff that can easily be passed over – that is actually some of the most significant work we can do in our connections. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Thinking about the roles we play in our friends and being intentional about how we want to show up as time goes on
• Shifting the way we use technology to maintain our friendships during big life changes (plus, using social media to actually CONNECT and not lurk!)
• Going on the friendship journey and remembering all our friends started at zero at one point
• Not allowing bad circumstances to limit us from having a beautiful experience with a group of friends
• Being our authentic selves and not getting caught up on the friendships that don’t work (because maybe they don’t work for a reason!)

Resources & Links:

Visit Zahara’s website, follow her on Instagram and Linkedin, and check out the After Betrayal workbook.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Do you want to teach your kids how to make and maintain friendships?

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: modeling is so important, but as today’s guest Pam Howard points out, what’s also crucial is checking in with your own friendship beliefs, particularly any fears or insecurities you have about friendship. That way, you can separate your experiences from theirs.

Pam is a licensed clinical social worker, a former K-8 school counselor, and the mom of two teenage daughters. She’s a master life coach for high-achieving moms and host of the podcast Less Drama, More Mama.

Even if you don’t have kids, there’s so much to take in. Pam presents the important reminder that friendship requires work. Sometimes it’s great and feels easy. Sometimes it’s messy and feels hard. I hope this episode causes people to reflect on their own friendship beliefs and remember we’re ALL just trying to figure it out.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Examining our own friendship beliefs and analyzing how this might impact our kids’ friendships and being aware of the phrasing and messaging we pass on to them
• How friendship is different for all kids, particularly introverts/extroverts/kids on the Autism spectrum; what feels good for one person might feel terrible for someone else
• Modeling healthy, respectful friendship and talking about: why friendship is important; what it means to be a good friend; qualities to look for in a friend
• Being the gatekeepers to friendship and the importance of kids seeing friends outside school, where they deepen relationships and learn how other families live
• Teaching kids how to listen and be interested in other people, and also how to problem solve their way out of tight friendship spots

Resources & Links:

Be sure to listen to Pam’s podcast, Less Drama, More Mama and learn about the Wheel of Choice.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

When the term “learned loneliness” came across my desk, it made my ears perk up. 

The idea of learned loneliness – that loneliness is now our new normal – resonates with me; I often find myself wanting to see people, but instead, I’m scrolling or turning on the TV. I used to think this was laziness, but now I think I’ve gotten comfortable being uncomfortable.

Here are some stats to ponder: 35 percent of people feel socializing is less important than they found it to be before the pandemic. Over the last decade, face-to-face socializing hours with close friends has been cut in half. 

Never before have we spent so much time alone, particularly with so many people working from home. Today, we talk about some things that could be causing the uptick in loneliness, and I propose some solutions, including things I’m personally committing to. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The different dimensions of loneliness, including intimate loneliness, relational loneliness, and collective loneliness
• Factors that have led to an increase in loneliness, including lack of community organizations, increase of working from home, lack of social trust, etc.
• Social media and TV’s roles in loneliness – and why I think one is more harmful than the other
• Things we can do to combat learned loneliness, such as appreciating the beauty in simple relationships 
• Why we shouldn’t wait for the perfect opportunity or situation to put ourselves out there

Resources & Links:

For more on loneliness, check out Episode 27, and learn about how we might better lean into front yards instead of back yards in Episode 39 and Episode 67.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Have you ever felt like a bad friend for not showing up for someone you care about?

Or maybe you’re frustrated that you’re ALWAYS showing up for everyone but feel like nobody reciprocates; or, MAYBE you’re somebody who struggles to let people support you. If any of this resonates, this episode is for you.

Today’s guest is Olivia Howell, co-founder and CEO of the Fresh Starts Registry, the first and only platform that offers a registry to help people begin again after a major life change. She’s also the co-host of A Fresh Story, a top 2% personal journals podcast.

I’ve been following Olivia and Fresh Starts for a long time, and I’m stoked to get this episode out there. It’s full of so many tangible examples of how to show up for people in a world where we’re overwhelmed by responsibility and calls for our attention.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Life changes – the average person goes through 14 (!) in a lifetime, from job changes and break-ups to moves and having kids
• Meeting people where they are, which often means you have to take your ego out of it  and remember that the reaction might not be the one you envisioned
• How sometimes, it’s not sustainable to show up in the volume that equates our love – plus, the benefits of focusing on the small things instead of the grand gestures
• Coming up with tried and true scripts you can say to your friends (and borrowing some from Fresh Starts if you need some help with material)
• Letting people into your life and believing you are worthy of support, and building the support system that feels right for you

Resources & Links

Check out Fresh Starts, follow them on Instagram, and see their scripts that can help you next time you want to show up for your friends while they’re going through their major life moments.

Listen to the Fresh Starts podcast, and keep an eye out for their upcoming episode which I’ll be a guest on!

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Many adults today say they weren’t taught to make and maintain friendships. I’m often asked how we might break this cycle and model something different for the next generation.

What I keep coming back to is that we all need to start making small changes. What if we said hi to people walking by? What if we stayed off our phones while on the train or waiting in line? What if we allowed children to teach us how to put ourselves out there

Today’s guest is Annmarie Beatty, who is a therapeutic life coach and a leader in her local home school community. So many people think homeschooled kids don’t get enough socialization, but her experience is the opposite – families who homeschool their kids have to be intentional about socialization.

In this episode, we talk a great deal about being intentional in connecting with the people around us. There are so many societal structures that make friendship difficult, but here, I hope you get the message, loud and clear, that it’s worth the effort!

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The importance of socializing with all ages and giving kids the opportunity to make intentional friendships 
• The cultural shifts and structural hurdles that cause making and maintaining friendships difficult
• Third Places, the Liking Gap, the decline in social trust (including thick and thin trust), and weak ties vs. strong ties
• Small changes that can facilitate more social trust, which can be as easy as staying off your phone while in line or on the train
• The extreme loneliness epidemic in the U.S., and seeing children as examples of how you can make friends and put yourself out there

Resources & Links:

Check out Episodes 38 and 39, which are about third places, and Episode 41, which is about the Liking Gap. Another good resource is Bowling Alone: the Collapse and Revival of American Community by Robert D. Putnam.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

From happy hours to bottomless mimosa brunches, many friendships are held together by activities that involve alcohol.

Consequently, these friendships are often affected when one party stops drinking. I personally have experienced some big friend group culture shifts when it comes to alcohol. In the beginning, alcohol was the norm, but it’s not anymore.

Today’s guest is Hitha Palepu, the CEO of Rhoshan Pharmaceuticals and the author of How to Pack: Travel Smart for Any Trip and We’re Speaking: The Life Lessons of Kamala Harris. Recently, Hitha posted on Instagram about the impact drinking less has made on her friendships, and today, we talk about this shift.

No matter what, it’s helpful to find activities with your friends that do not center around alcohol, so be proactive and find new ways to spend time together. It will only strengthen your friendship in the long run.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The normalization and glamorization of alcohol consumption and the reality of what regular drinking does to our bodies and our relationships
• How many people use alcohol as a social crutch – plus, the barrier it actually creates between friendships
• Hitha’s decision to cut back on alcohol, especially at networking events or parties, and the impact that’s made on her home life and overall well-being
• How Hitha has transitioned with her friends into doing other activities together that don’t involve alcohol, from Dry January to coffee walks in the park
• Tips if you are reevaluating your relationship with alcohol, from creating rules for yourself to finding delicious delicious alcohol-free alternatives

Resources & Links:

I can’t tell you enough how much I enjoy Hitha’s Five Smart Reads; sign up for her newsletter! I also highly recommend both her books: How to Pack: Travel Smart for Any Trip and We’re Speaking: The Life Lessons of Kamala Harris.

Check out

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

How close do you live to your friends? Next door? Down the street? Or do many of your friends live on the other side of the country? 

Today’s guest, Jenna Myhre Deyle, actually made a cross-country trip in order to be closer to friends. Before the move, she’d been married, was climbing the corporate ladder, but after her divorce, she couldn’t shake a certain level of unhappiness. 

Linked in our show notes is an article that cites some amazing statistics – that a person is 8 percent happier living with a spouse, 14 percent happier living within a mile of your siblings, and 25 PERCENT happier a mile from your friend.

Jenna’s move to the midwest to be closer to friends is an out-of-the-box decision – and it’s one of the reasons I’m so excited to have her on the podcast today. Whether we realize it or not, our proximity to friends can tremendously impact our happiness.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Jenna’s story about “checking off the boxes” – getting married, moving up the corporate ladder, etc. – only to realize she was deeply unhappy
• The major decision Jenna made, calling her company’s VP about her wish to move back home to Kansas City, not matter what that meant for her future employment
• Society’s understanding of what success is and the idea that if you’re unhappy you should self-care your way out of it
• Jenna’s intentional work to make new friends/communities besides the friends she already had in Kansas City – and the impact this made on her perspective and career

Resources & Links:

The Wheel of Connection Framework, it’s the cumulative impact of everyone in your life.

Check out “You’d Be Happier Living Closer to Friends. Why Don’t You?” by Anne Helen Petersen.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Are low-maintenance friendships all they’re made out to be?

So many of us are trying to live in this impossible zone of wanting friendship to be little effort but not neglectful. The effort of staying in this bubble can make maintaining a friendship more difficult, and it also denies many of our inherent needs.

Today I’m going to talk about why this mainstream current definition of “low maintenance” friendship is not serving us. How can we think about low maintenance friendship differently and make it work for us?

Friendship should be a reprieve, not a burden; let’s make it easier on ourselves by focusing on consistent, simple connections. Think breadcrumbs, not bread loaves.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The language we use about “low-maintenance” friendship and the fine line that defines them – you want “low attention” but can’t be neglectful
• How so much of low-maintenance friendships is denying that we matter, that we want to be seen, that we have needs
• The amount of energy we spend staying in the exact right zone of a low maintenance friendship – which in the end isn’t very low maintenance!
• The importance of having conversations about how we each are able to show up in friendships
• How to leave “breadcrumbs” instead of bread loaves through scheduling hacks, reoccurring meet-ups/texts/calls, voice messages, etc.

Resources & Links:

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

If you could go back and advise your 20-year-old self about friendship, what would you say?

Personally, I always had the worst social anxiety hangover, worrying about the things I said or did after hanging out with people. I know now I should have asked my friends about it instead of ruminating and worrying.

This is the underlying theme of today’s episode – lessons we’ve learned about friendship since our 20s – which features Arpita Mehta, a brand strategist and host of The Modern Millennial podcast. She’s also the creator of the Little Brown Diary, a Facebook group of 38,000 South Asian millennial women.

This episode is full of so many gems, and I walked away with so much appreciation for all the work my friends and I have done as we’ve grown and changed. It truly is a never-ending journey.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Limiting beliefs about friendships and how it’s not something we’re taught – making and maintaining friendship is something you have to learn through life experience
• Ever-evolving friendships – we won’t necessarily be the same friends we are now ten or twenty years down the line
• Male friendship groups vs. female friendship groups, and the effort required to keep a group together (hint: we sometimes make it more difficult than it has to be!)
• The downside of being the “connector” in a group who makes the plans and gets along with everyone (and the importance of getting other people to do this work too)
• Folding time with friends into things we were going to do anyway – like go shopping or pick up coffee, etc.

Resources & Links:

I can’t suggest The Modern Millennial podcast enough. It’s like hanging out with a friend – a mix of serious conversations, lifestyle, and beauty.

Listen to Episode 42 to hear about the dynamics of friend trios and friend groups.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Need something to light you up today? Maybe some profound advice? Look no further!

Today’s episode features Mark Delaney, host of the podcast The Purpose Mastermind. He and his wife Andrea are purpose dealers, which means they spend their lives helping people clarify their purpose into one simple sentence.

He says that having something in life that moves us and compels us is at the core of what it is to be human; that we should all be purpose-focused instead of problem-focused; that so many of us don’t live with full expression because of the walls between us and others.

He brings so much thought-provoking wisdom in this episode, wisdom that has me analyzing my day-to-day interactions, and he presents the great reminder that friendship is not extracurricular. It’s not only for “people-people.” We are all made for people.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Focusing on your past and trying to fix it vs. discovering your purpose and using this to move forward
• Powerful, positive relationships vs. negative relationships (as opposed to “positive” or “negative” people)
• Tweaking the simple things and auditing yourself: are you showing up as yourself or are you putting on a show?
• The impact of tiny, consistent steps in the right direction instead of big grand gestures
• Tapping into the people around us to help us with our self-reflection and the clarity that comes with vocalization

Resources & Links

Learn more about Mark Delaney and his podcast, The Purpose Mastermind.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.