Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Unpacking Learned Loneliness – and How We Can Impact Change


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When the term “learned loneliness” came across my desk, it made my ears perk up. 

The idea of learned loneliness – that loneliness is now our new normal – resonates with me; I often find myself wanting to see people, but instead, I’m scrolling or turning on the TV. I used to think this was laziness, but now I think I’ve gotten comfortable being uncomfortable.

Here are some stats to ponder: 35 percent of people feel socializing is less important than they found it to be before the pandemic. Over the last decade, face-to-face socializing hours with close friends has been cut in half. 

Never before have we spent so much time alone, particularly with so many people working from home. Today, we talk about some things that could be causing the uptick in loneliness, and I propose some solutions, including things I’m personally committing to. 


In this episode you’ll hear about:

  • The different dimensions of loneliness, including intimate loneliness, relational loneliness, and collective loneliness
  • Factors that have led to an increase in loneliness, including lack of community organizations, increase of working from home, lack of social trust, etc.
  • Social media and TV’s roles in loneliness – and why I think one is more harmful than the other
  • Things we can do to combat learned loneliness, such as appreciating the beauty in simple relationships 
  • Why we shouldn’t wait for the perfect opportunity or situation to put ourselves out there


Resources & Links:

For more on loneliness, check out Episode 27, and learn about how we might better lean into front yards instead of back yards in Episode 39 and Episode 67.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

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Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually TakesBy Alex Alexander

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