Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

If you’re somebody who dreads going to a party, then this episode is for you.

Sometimes the couch feels more appealing than going out into the world and socializing, and I get it. Attending a gathering takes energy. Sometimes it feels awkward. But gatherings can also make us feel inspired and supported and invigorated.

Today I offer an approach that will help you take charge of your guest experience with three simple questions. You can ask yourself these questions before you leave, while you’re driving, or even on your way inside. It’s that easy.

My hope is that this episode helps more gatherings feel like time well-spent – and that, consequently, you’ll want to say yes to more invitations in the future, too.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why do we like being invited? What feeling do we think a gathering will offer? And why do we sometimes feel dread on the day of?
• What the very best gatherings can provide: a shift in momentum, a feeling of relief, a connection made, something learned
• How to take charge of our guest experiences and create moments of meaning by asking three simple questions
• Remembering that we don’t always know what will happen – and that sometimes the most unexpected gatherings can actually be the most impactful

Resources & Links:

Read The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker. It’s amazing!

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Do you know men who don’t have close friends?

It’s a common problem (one that I cover in Episode 31 and Episode 32 of this podcast) with major implications. Poor social and mental health in men is connected with all kinds of other issues ranging from suicide and depression to gun violence.

Joining me to talk about this issue is Antonio Neves, a leadership expert, motivational speaker, award-winning journalist, bestselling author of Stop Living on Autopilot, host of the podcast The Antonio Neves Show, and founder of Man Morning.

This episode is full of great advice for men who are looking to rebuild their social circles. His major suggestion: take action! Find a group. Give a friend a call. Put something on the calendar. It might feel awkward, but it’s all part of the process.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• My personal experience seeing the downside of poor friendship support networks when my mom passed away and my dad became a single parent of three kids
• Face-to-face communicators vs. side-to-side communicators, and the difference between big conversations at 7 a.m. vs. 7 p.m.
• Antonio’s advice on how to push past the “Level 1 Listener” status; plus, five of the most powerful words you can say in a conversation
• The power of investing in ourselves, particularly our support systems, BEFORE we hit rock bottom

Resources & Links:

Want to hear more on this topic? Be sure to listen to Episode 31 and Episode 32.

Check out Antonio’s book Stop Living on Autopilot, listen to The Antonio Neves Show, and learn about Man Morning.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Today I talk about two friendship terms I’ve been hearing more about lately: the “couch friend” and the “errand friend.”

Lots of people want these kinds of friendships because they’re supposed to be easy. You do life’s responsibilities together or you do absolutely nothing together – no planning or panic cleaning required.

But how do you find these friends? How do you find someone you’re so comfortable with that you can just sit back and watch TV in your sweatpants together, and it’s not weird? 

My thoughts? If you want a couch friend, you have to BE a couch friend. If you want an errand friend, you have to BE an errand friend. In this episode, I offer a few ideas about how to put that energy out into the world, from embracing spontaneity to encouraging your guests to get their own glasses of water.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• What a couch friend is, what an errand friend is, and why these kinds of relationships are often with already established friends
• Leaning into a more casual energy from the getgo in a new friendship instead of putting your best foot forward
• How I act when I have couch-type friends coming over (hint, I might be in sweatpants, and I’m probably not panic cleaning)
• What kind of energy does somebody bring when they come over? Is it roommate energy? Or are you waiting on them?
• Creative ways you might actually be able to spend time with a couch or errand friend even if you’re a parent or busy adult

Resources & Links:

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Have you ever gone back to an old friend, only to realize it’s not the same as it was?

This is the experience of today’s guest, Sarah Marie Paige, who in this episode shares about her amazing high school friend group – a group she assumed she’d be able to re-enter without a hitch post law school.

Instead, she learned they couldn’t actually pick up where they left off. Just like with plants, if you don’t water your friendships, they don’t continue to live. So, Sarah created a new community, one that supports her new lifestyle as a lawyer and fantasy writer.

I hope this episode makes those who’ve experienced this phenomenon feel less alone and realize that there are options – you can try to start over with these old friendships, or, like Sarah, you can put your energy elsewhere to build what you need.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Sarah’s high school friends, who kept in touch post graduation via blog for several years but eventually lost touch
• Grieving the loss of old friendships, which change as we grow older, and the crossroads ahead: do you start over with them or find new friends?
• Sarah’s life as a fantasy writer, and her books, each of which is a kind of love letter to a specific friend – plus,  how she met new friends who support this passion
• The importance of having a WHY when it comes to community – why are you bringing these people together? What is your shared purpose?

Resources & Links:

Sarah is a fantasy author! Check out her books on her website!

Go back to Episode 12 and learn about my theory about the Roots Framework.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

There are some friendships we just need to let go of. In some instances, this means letting go of an aspect of a friendship. In others, this actually means letting go of an entire friendship.

Today’s guest is Emily Rogers, a transition and leadership coach and the host of the Leap to Lead podcast (which I was recently a guest on; link in the show notes!). Emily has lived overseas for 20 years and has personally navigated many moves and transitions. 

She says that with each transition comes a spring cleaning of sorts with past connections, which requires stepping back and reflecting on the energy of these relationships. Can you alter the expectations of this friendship? How will you connect? Is it time to let go entirely?

Hopefully this episode helps you navigate those transitions with more grace and intention, so that, if you desire, those old friendships can still thrive in their new forms.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The different kinds of life transitions that affect friendship: physical moves; starting a family; a new romantic relationship; a medical emergency; finishing school, etc.
• Instances in which you SHOULDN’T do the work (for example: a toxic relationship; lack of capacity; you simply don’t want to)
• Recognizing energy: when it’s right, when it’s not right, and when it’s time to shift your friendships (and remembering that what feels right now might not feel right later!)
• The impact of taking a step back six to eight months after a big move or life transition to make sure your friendships aren’t draining (or sliming!) you
• Managing interactions with draining people you have to spend time with (for example, doing an activity together or only hanging out in groups)

Resources & Links

Listen to Emily’s podcast, The Leap to Lead, which I was recently a guest on!

Go back to Episode 12 and learn about my theory about the Roots Framework.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Have you ever met someone truly magnetic? 

They walk into the room, and suddenly, the energy shifts. People are drawn to them. Some might argue that this is just the way some people were born. They inherited some gene that the rest of us didn’t.

But I believe magnetic individuals are just people who are doing the thing, putting themselves out there and taking action consistently – which over time, creates momentum and that coveted main character energy. 

You are the main character in your own life, and when you’re stuck riding somebody else’s waves, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs and interests! So that’s what today’s episode is about: creating momentum and embodying that main character energy in your own life.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• What main character energy is: taking action, speaking up for yourself, prioritizing community connection
• What main character energy is not: centering yourself in every relationship; blaming other people as the problem; never taking responsibility
• Peeling back the layers of your authentic self and letting yourself be seen, especially the things about you that make you colorful and interesting
• Giving yourself the glow-up without the life-changing event and making yourself the center of your connection universe
• Three tips and two challenges to help you get your own main character energy

Resources & Links:

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

A few years ago, I realized that one of my friendship patterns was actually kind of a problem.

I’d show up for my friends as Superwoman, bragging that I could (and would) drop everything and do anything for my friends – even if it meant betraying myself and my own needs. Then, when I really needed help, I’d never ask for it.

I think we all have friendship patterns and tendencies. Some are good. Some are not. What’s important is taking a step back to determine whether they serve our friendships.

We can talk about this stuff in theory, but hearing real stories makes all the difference, and today’s guest, Deb Blum, the CEO and founder of the Whole Soul Way, shares her own tales with truth and vulnerability, from her historical wariness of female friendships to the midlife realization that made all the difference.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Becoming friends with people who feel “safe enough” and the feeling of being “too much” – plus, the difference between fitting in and belonging
• Mismatches in relationships vs. mismatches in the moment, and how sometimes people just aren’t in the same places at the same time
• The friendship patterns Deb finally realized midlife that were impacting her relationships and how she shifted those to create better ones
• The impact our parents have on how we interact with friends and how close we allow people to get to us
• The damage it can do to friendships when you don’t share your whole truth – and how people pleasing can actually be a bit of a betrayal

Resources & Links:

Learn about the Whole Soul Way and follow Deb Blum on Facebook and Instagram.

Dive deeper into these ideas and listen to Episode 15, about managing differences in friendships.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

What are your friendship beliefs? What stories do you tell yourself about your friendships?

Today’s episode might be one of the most important I’ve ever recorded because it gets at the heart of so many people’s struggles: core beliefs about friendship.

Here, I’m joined by Sarah Siegert, founder of Friendships Abroad. Inspired by her own experience moving from Hamburg to London, Sarah is a friendship coach who helps people living abroad create meaningful connections and overcome their loneliness. 

As Sarah points out in today’s episode, our relationships start with us. If we want healthy friendships, we have to be willing to do the inner work first. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Sarah’s experience moving from Germany to London in 2019 and her struggles to fit in within a whole new country
• Doing the inner work and training our brains to see the similarities between each other instead of the differences
• Creating new friendship habits and developing close relationships within a friendship group
• Introverts vs. extroverts, recharging your social batteries, and being intentional about what you’re looking for in friendships

Resources & Links:

Check out Episode 42 about friendship trios, which is about developing a close friendship within a group and follow Sarah on Instagram.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

I just want to make friends who are in the same stage of life as me.

In this business, I hear some of the same phrases over and over, and this is one of them. I love that goal, and it’s a big part of what I talk about on the podcast. But recently, I’ve also noticed a trend in which people are seeking friends who are in DIFFERENT life stages.

So that’s what I’m talking about today. Why would you want friends in different life stages than you? And more importantly, how do you make and maintain friendships with people whose current life circumstances are so different from yours?

Personally, I’m looking for a walking buddy, and I feel like that perfect someone might not be a fellow entrepreneur in their mid-30s. What friendships are you looking for in your own life? How might people in different life stages add some richness to your social wellness?

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The tendency to lean on sameness or perceived similarity in friendships – and the similarities you can still find between friends in different life stages 
• Why sometimes it’s actually easier to spend time with people in different life stages because they have different time constraints
• The opportunities for sharing wisdom and learning when you’re friends with people who are older or younger than you
• How sometimes having friends in different stages of life alleviates pressure to act or be a certain way – plus, ideas on how to find these friends!

Resources & Links:

Learn about my Wheel of Connection framework and be sure to check out Episode 77 about female friendships and Episode 15, about managing differences in friendships.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

One thing I always say is creating a community is the ultimate self-care.

In today’s episode, we dive deep into this idea with my good friend Jenny Dreizen, who is the co-founder of the Fresh Starts Registry, which I’m a huge supporter of. 

The Fresh Starts Registry is a registry for all of life’s new beginnings, from divorces to graduations, big moves to scary diagnoses. (Sound familiar? I also talked with Jenny’s sister and co-founder Olivia in Episode 68!)

Jenny is the perfect friend for me to sit down and have this conversation with because so much of her work centers around supporting people through changes and transitions. 

BTW, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t make friends on the internet. Jenny and I have never met in person, yet, I can totally see our friendship spanning 30 years from now.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• What it means to be in your “friendship era” and why sometimes doing less actually serves friendships more
• Friendship breaks vs. just taking a step back from friendship or cutting off just part of a friendship
• Putting yourself in places and environments that feel authentic to you and the importance of trusting your gut about your relationships
• Coming back to people whose energies didn’t used to align with yours but actually do now
• Internet friends, selfless acts, and how deciding to actively engage in your community is actually the ultimate self-care

Resources & Links:

Learn about small intimacies in Episode 74, check out the Fresh Starts Registry, follow them on Instagram, and listen to Episode 68 to hear my conversion with Fresh Starts co-founder (and Jenny’s sister) Olivia. 

Also, don’t forget to listen to their podcast, A Fresh Story (including the episode I recorded with them).

Olivia and Jenny have also written these amazing scripts for what to say when you don’t know what to say.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.