TRIGGER WARNING: In this episode we talk about depression and suicide.

Building friendships and community is a skill that takes hard work to master.

For many people, such as myself and today’s guest, Noah, building these connections isn’t just for fun. It’s also about survival. Today, we talk about growing up in a household where you don’t feel seen or supported and then going off on your own – only to realize you’ve never developed the skillset to make friends and build community.

As humans, we’re not meant to go through this life alone, and nothing reminds us of that more than when we feel alone. Eventually, Noah did find his chosen family, which was critical to battling his depression while living in Florida, where there’s a lot of anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation.

So many people think they need to understand you to accept you, but the reality is, we’re never going to understand why and how each person in the world lives – and we don’t need to in order to accept them for who they are.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Noah’s life after high school: studying drama in college and moving to Miami, where he fell into a deep depression
• Fear of rejection in friendship – beginners have to get out there and build resilience and NOT view themselves as simply bad at making friends or unworthy
• How, until you become an adult, you might not HAVE to make friends – your family chooses where you live, your community, and the precedent for what’s acceptable
• Making friends with people with whom you don’t feel like yourself as a means of surviving this phase of life
• The messages society tells us – if you’re low, get yourself out of it – and the alternative to create a community who can hold and love you when you’re in your low points

Resources & Links

There are only four states in the U.S. that don’t have active anti-LGBTQ legislation. Check out the ACLU website to see what bills are live in your state.

Check out Noah’s podcast, “Severely Personal” and the Man Enough podcast.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Today’s episode begins with a decision to book plane tickets to California over my birthday and stay with some friends who were going through a medical emergency. They needed an extra hand with day-to-day things: think cooking, laundry, and walking their dog.

Now, I’m not a big birthday person (never have been).

At a certain point in my life, I probably would have been thrilled to be alone on my birthday. Even though society says I should need “everyone” to text me and call me and throw me a big party and do all these things.

So why is it that I found myself alone at the beach in tears with such an overwhelming sense of gratitude?

Tune in to hear more of how this story unfolded, including why we need a “web” of people around us for support and assurance, and the magic of creating filters to decide where you're investing your energy.

Let today be the first day of your little, consistent, actions.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Having solid support systems that can inspire us to take risks, believe in ourselves, get outside of our comfort zones, and bring our wildest dreams to life
• My messy process of how I went from feeling so lonely in a room full of people to feeling supported, starting with a set of reflection questions you can ask yourself to get really intentional about your existing relationships
• Turning the dial up on what’s working well in your current friendships. How can you lean in more and take it to the next level?
• The importance of setting boundaries or even letting go of friendships that are no longer serving us - but not letting that energy detract from focusing on what we want to add to our life with friends
• A simple task you can try to build intentional connection that involves just 5 minutes of space on your calendar each day (or 30 minutes once per week)
• Having a “mental Rolodex” of hundreds or thousands of small moments. This alone will bring you the confidence to tell your friends when you need them. Having a support system is beautiful

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram!

Go back and listen to Episode 19: The One for Little Alex, to hear more about my story.

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

If the title didn't already tell you, we're talking about grief and loss today.

Suzanne Jabour is a transformational coach, certified Grief Educator, and grieving mom who has found meaning in her loss through opening up conversations about grief, including how we can support people experiencing it and how to help grievers to chart their unique “grief path.”

Suzanne and I really get to the heart of it in this conversation. We open up about how we are showing up for the people in our lives that are grieving, which can often feel uncomfortable. But the only way we're going to grow and change and show up better for the people that we love is by reflecting and choosing to consciously do things differently the next time. And luckily, this episode has so many tangible, real life examples.

And if you're looking for more examples of how to show up for someone in grief, contact Suzanne via the links below.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The fear and shame cycles we can fall into when a friend is experiencing grief, and how it prevents curiosity and creative problem solving
• How to support a grieving person in the early, initial stages of their grief (and how it can be most helpful to “show up messy” and offer your best skill set)
• The beauty of picking out the smallest possible actions and actually doing them - for your grieving friend, it may be a one-way street, but a simple heart emoji or “thinking of you” text can mean the world
• People need support for much longer than we think - don’t show up wholeheartedly in the beginning and then fizzle out. Think about how you can continue to support the griever even months later
• How to deal with probing questions from well-intentioned friends and shift the energy in the room back to a safer ground
• Grief is a constant in our lives, and we have to normalize it! Grief can sometimes be a small loss, other times it can feel like an earthquake. No matter how big or small the grief is, all of those losses need to be grieved

Resources & Links

Connect with Suzanne on her website, A Lived Experience and follow her on Instagram at @a.lived.experience and on Facebook.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

How does friendship affect introverts?

This is a topic I’ve been wanting to bring to the podcast for a long time, and since I’m an extrovert who is constantly energized by having people around me, I’m bringing in Becky Mollenkamp, a self-proclaimed “hardcore introvert” who likes to be alone a lot of the time.

Becky and I drop into the real, raw behind the scenes of how being an introvert has affected her friendships and how she’s created the experiences she desires. We also cover how to balance introverted and extroverted friendships, how to protect your friends’ time and boundaries, and why we often mix up what it truly means to be an introvert.

If you’ve ever told yourself “I'm a bad friend,” or “I am just not good at this,” or “I'm never going to make new friends,” those thoughts are VALID, and a lot of people are experiencing something similar.

I hope this conversation makes you feel a lot less alone. So much energy is spent comparing what we “think” friendship should look like, when in reality, we should take that energy and think about how to build relationships that feel good for us.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The limiting beliefs Becky has held on to about friendship, and why it’s sometimes easier for her to forgo investing time and energy into friendships in favor of being alone
• Becky recaps her experiences with friendship through childhood and beyond college. Most of her friends were only there for a season since she moved around so much
• Attachment styles, and how your given attachment style can affect how you form close relationships (and potentially sabotage them)
• “The Liking Gap” and why most people actually underestimate how much another person likes them
• Most of what we see in society is an extroverted vision of friendship. We talk about what it looks like to have a friendship amongst introverts, or where one person in the friendship is an introvert
• Spending time together will look differently for introverts than it will for extroverts. As such, some friends will spend more time together as they have similar energies, but there are ways to make introverted friendships even more fulfilling

Resources & Links

Connect with Becky on Instagram at @beckymollenkamp, LinkedIn, Twitter, or on her website.

Check out the article, The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do People Like Us More Than We Think?

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Today is one of those episodes where you get to sit on my big couch in my living room with me and Nkem Chukwumerije, having a late night conversation where we're trying to figure out life. And it's SO good.

Nkem (she/they) is a Nigerian-American writer, transformational program designer, artist, teacher, and energy cultivation practitioner. Her style of being in the world is intentional, (com)passionate, idealistic, pleasure-centered, and wisdom-centered. All of these attributes are woven throughout her art and projects, the programs she creates, and the way she works with her communities. 

Nkem is at a place where she’s ready to redefine what friendship means in her own life. We explore interracial, intercultural, and interspiritual aspects, masculine and feminine dynamics, along with the healing power of community and why we need to normalize social wellness as a constant journey.

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this episode. Daydream, reflect, and let it give you the inspiration to think about how friendships are playing out in your life.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Nkem shares her many experiences with friendships, including the intensity of having friends for just a season, and how moving around a lot has affected the types of friends she’s attracting
• The balance between having a powerful community around you to support you, and also having the power to show up for yourself and validate yourself without having to outsource your burdens
• What it was like for Nkem to grow up as an American, understanding her Nigerian roots and building “protected spaces” rather than following the mainstream ideals of “the American Dream”
• The ripple effect we can create within “friend group cultures” and how to navigate, accept, and grieve our friends’ life transitions
• Normalizing social wellness as a “constant journey” - some friends are not meant to be in our lives forever. Plus, how the feminine and the masculine dynamic can apply

Resources & Links

Connect with Nkem on Instagram at @wellspringwords and @naturallyfree123. Her website wellspringwords.love is home to her virtual writing studio.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Men’s friendships feel like a big ball of yarn with thousands of strings that we have to untangle. In Part 2 of today’s episode, we’re delving into the small actions we can start to take to bring men back into the fold into community and into connection.

Some of this work starts with having open conversations out loud. I’ll share some tangible questions you can talk about with the men in your life, plus we’ll dive into how men can begin to prioritize the logistics around the friendships in their lives, and even change the culture of their existing relationships by asking deeper questions.

No more comparing men’s friendships to women's friendships or romantic relationships.

I don’t think men can do this alone - we ALL have to be in this together! (And if you haven't already, go back and listen to Episode 31 for Part 1: All About Men's Friendships).

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• What we need to start paying attention to - from moments where men are shutting down in conversations, to societal messages that say men’s friendships are “lesser than”
• How my husband Michael has built a consistent connection point with his friends through a Fantasy Football league.
• Why friendship should not be an afterthought for men. They shouldn't feel the need to complete every other thing in their life before they spend time with their friends.
• The importance of discussing the meaning of social capital out loud and with the men in your life: How are you maintaining relationships? How much work is it? How are those relationships supporting your life? What vital roles are they playing?
• How Michael and I handle prioritization around our time together vs. our friends. What do we do if we’re invited to a birthday party the same night as a scheduled date night? We’re not always each other’s “person” for everything in life.

Resources & Links

Tune in to Episode 2: Your Friendships Are As Important As Your Romantic Relationships

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

The more I think about men's friendships, the more fired up I get. If I could paint an analogy for you, men’s friendships feel like a big ball of yarn with thousands of strings that we have to untangle.

There are a lot of narrowly defined stories about how a man should “be” in today’s society - they should be powerful, they should provide and be self-sufficient, and they should be in control. But just because society was built for men, by men, does not mean these systems are working for the modern man.

Studies show that men have nearly the same amount of friends as women, but their fear of vulnerability and authenticity prevents them from creating genuine, meaningful connections.

So let’s dig in and talk about the three systems of power that are keeping men in these very narrow boxes. And stay tuned as Part 2 comes out next week to explore more ideas around this topic.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Being a man can be lonely. Between suicide rates, mental health, drops in admission and graduation for higher education, and higher earnings, what does all this mean to “be a man”?
• Why we’re in a weird, limbo place with redefining the definition of masculinity. Men are “allowed” to be more vulnerable, but the boundaries are so unclear.
• A breakdown of the 3 systems of power that are keeping men in a box, including capitalism and white supremacy.
• The many issues that are affecting men’s friendships with women - women can be so much more than just romantic and sexual partners.
• Why men struggle to make meaningful connections in their community, especially with the loss of “third spaces” and circumstantial situations, like going through a divorce or navigating a new life as a widower.

Resources & Links

Books mentioned include All About Love, The Will to Change, How We Show Up, The Road Less Traveled, Bowling Alone, and Fair Play.

I also recommend the works of Alok Vaid-Menon. Tune in to his episode on the Man Enough podcast.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

As much as I love having the hard conversations and talking about the big life moments, sometimes it's just as fun to talk about how community and friendship are really working.

Vickie Leuenberger traded cold Canadian winters to live full-time on a boat cruising the Caribbean Sea and its surrounding islands. She fuels her adventurous lifestyle through 4 different streams of income.

Her stories of unexpected generosity and kindness from complete strangers, especially in moments of adversity, will give you the chills. She also shares so many practical and actionable tips for anyone who is curious about this alternative lifestyle.

My biggest takeaway is that the cruising community is so much richer and more beautiful than I could have anticipated, and I think it’s safe to say that many of us are craving the types of experiences Vickie talks about in this episode.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• “Cruising culture”, what surprised Vickie the most about living on a sailboat, and how she stayed mentally prepared for the adventure
• The fast and furious nature of building community - including the unexpected generosity of other cruisers when Vickie’s motor died on her boat
• How the cruising lifestyle changed Vickie’s perspective about family and relationships (it’s actually common for some cruisers to have children who live on land after experiencing sailing for many years!)
• The beauty of the Caribbean’s relationship-centric approach to life - rather than focusing on consumerism, it’s all about who you are connected to
• How Vickie now helps set the tone of cruising culture with new cruisers by leading the way and showing them the ropes
• Why curiosity is the #1 skill you need to have to be successful living on water (curiosity solves most problems!)
• Vickie’s favorite tips for anyone considering this lifestyle, including getting formal training, avoiding cheap equipment and electricity, joining Facebook groups, and yes, even getting couples therapy first, if you’re sailing with a partner

Resources & Links

Connect with Vickie on her website, Facebook and Instagram.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Are you blocking yourself from making beautiful connections?

My favorite thing is meeting people I never would have met otherwise and today’s guest, Manpreet Singh is one of them. He wears multiple hats as a father, son, husband, and friend to many beautiful souls. His definition of friendship? Comfort.

This is one of those conversations where I really was IN it. Manpreet and I talk about breaking the ice when making new friends, the magic of “third places”, and what friendship means to both of us. There is so much to glean from this episode. I was expanding my own thoughts about friendship, people's experiences, and am now thinking about it so much differently.

Friendship IS possible for all of us and building new connections and embracing the discomfort along the way is one of the most powerful skill sets we can have.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The beauty of meeting new people for the first time. It can be uncomfortable at first to break the ice, but there’s a secret to minimizing the awkwardness.
• Why friendship is all about unsaid “comfort” - it’s about being yourself, letting your guard down, and spending time together without needing to prove yourself.
• The all-too-common trend of blocking potentially incredible connections. It’s simply not true that your best connections are made in your first two decades of life.
• Why it’s better to loosen our expectations of friendship, co-create together, and just allow our friends to be there for us, even if we lose touch for years at a time.
• The scarcity mindset society has around friendship that is making us feel lonely.
• Bonding with friends when we’re going through our lowest points in life: divorce, heartbreak, financial turmoil. We can choose to stay open and vulnerable.
• The lack of “third places” that exist in today’s society and why that makes it even harder to form new friendships.

Resources & Links

Connect with Manpreet Singh on LinkedIn and YouTube.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Can you imagine what it would be like to find “unicorn friends”? The kind you can have adult slumber parties with and just “exist” and do life with, unapologetically?

You’re about to hear an incredibly inspiring story of friendship between two families. Dr. Erika Michalski is an aggressive optimist, fierce authenticity advocate, and the founder of Strategically Authentic, a consulting company dedicated to helping individuals and teams leverage who they are to get where they want to be. Did I mention she’s also passionate about data, documentaries, dance parties, and dessert?

If things are feeling hard and limiting in your friendships, maybe the answer is to think outside of societal norms. To smash the box, and instead, build what feels right to you. I'm so excited for the conversations that are going to come out of listening to this one.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The challenges of building relationships where we’re constantly in a state of apology. The secret to authenticity is just existing as ourselves - not apologizing for our house being a mess!
• Flipping friendship questions back on yourself: Do you even want this friendship? What do YOU bring? What are you looking for? You have to serve yourself.
• The moment where Erika and her family formed a near “instant” friendship with another couple and their children (plus, how their story roots were created)
• What it means to have “unicorn friends” and how Erika’s most sacred memories in her friendship are tied to having adult slumber parties
• How to make your friends feel deeply valued and be able to enjoy the endless “do nothing” space that exists after you get past the barriers of catching up

Resources & Links

Connect with Dr. Erika Michalski on her website or follow her on Instagram at @consultantbarbie.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!