Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

This episode, about navigating friendship through chronic illness, is deeply personal to me.

In last week’s episode, I shared about my own recent health issues, but I think this information is good to have no matter your situation. Chances are, chronic illness will impact somebody in your life in your lifetime.

Today’s guest is Catherine, a business coach, founder of Catherine LifeDesign, and a survivor of chronic illness. Here, Catherine shares about her “perfect storm” of life events – including a miscarriage and Hashimoto’s disease diagnosis – that resulted in a severe health crash.

Chronic illness is hard. There is no exact solution on how to navigate friendships around this; it’s so personal and so nuanced. But my hope is that this one more story out there offers ideas on how to deal with this if it’s impacting your own life.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Catherine’s dream life: a successful business, a tropical Mediterranean home – and how it all fell apart with her three-year illness that stumped so many doctors
• The power of the friends who kept calling and asking how she was – a simple thing that offered comfort and support thousands of miles away
• The skill of managing your own emotional state and seeking the right support when you need it (and the importance of supplementing with professional support)
• The skill of rebuilding relationships, which Catherine learned on her healing journey, and how she views and interacts with friends now
• How friendship roots change when somebody goes through a major life change or illness (and how that impacts the work required to maintain the friendship)

Resources & Links:

Follow Catherine on Instagram and on her website.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

This whole podcast was only a dream a couple years ago, and here we are now with 100 episodes. Thank you for being here, for listening, and for sharing these conversations with your friends.

In this episode, I share some life updates and talk intensely about the Wheel of Connection (view this visual diagram!), which is a foundational concept to my work. I give an overview about each of the categories, and at the end of the episode, I talk about how to do a basic Wheel of Connection audit. 

You deserve Level 10 support, and hopefully this helps you to take more intentional action to develop the connections you need for this season of life. 

Want to go even deeper? Sign up for my newsletter to receive more information, including announcements about my forthcoming book and the Wheel of Connection audio guide.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Life updates regarding my health, two Taylor Swift concerts, and the major milestone of this episode
• The Wheel of Connection: why I made it, why it’s round, why it looks different for everyone
• How your own Wheel of Connection is constantly changing: people move between categories, and different categories grow and shrink depending on your needs
• Wheel of Connection components: family of origin; family of choice; formal community; acquaintance; and familiar/defined/present/historic friend
• How the Wheel of Connection and Roots Framework work together, and how to conduct a Wheel of Connection audit

Resources & Links:

Here are some visuals of the Wheel of Connection and my Roots framework. Want more? Sign up for my newsletter to receive more information, including announcements about my forthcoming book and the Wheel of Connection audio guide.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Individualism is woven so deeply into the fabric of American culture that sometimes we don’t even notice it. But what if this cornerstone of our culture is costing us more than we realize?

Today’s guest is James F. Richardson, a cultural anthropologist who spent two decades studying American society – which included living a more communal life in South India for three years. His new book, Our Worst Strength, challenges our approach to individualism as a way of life.

I read the book, and it was interesting to notice what came up. Most eye-opening was realizing how deeply ingrained the individualism mindset is. I simultaneously didn’t like what I was reading about individualism and didn’t want to change anything about it.

Was this eye-opening for you too? Be sure to read James’s book and check out his substack. If you’re like me, thinking about what a number individualism has done on our lives, remember we can’t change this overnight. It takes small shifts over time to make big change.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How American society often values personal autonomy and freedom at the expense of responsibility and obligation
• Things that have affected communal interactions in America, from societal norms that prioritize achievement to the rise of modern media and entertainment
• Having meaningful conversations and sharing skills with friends instead of using friendship as a source of entertainment
• The need for community members to observe and inquire about the emotional well-being of others 
• Getting comfortable with bringing together people who are in different phases of life; plus, why I hate the “200 hours to make a friend” stat

Resources & Links:

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Have you ever felt like you’re ALWAYS the one giving a shoulder to cry on – but don’t have one to cry on yourself?

I think it’s a common issue among friends. Personally, I used to brag about how I’d drop everything to help a friend in need – but I eventually discovered it wasn’t sustainable, and my friends didn’t reciprocate in quite the same way.

Today’s guest, Chrissy Marie, experienced similar issues, having always been the “space holder” or “fixer” for other people but never sharing the depths of her own emotions – which consequently led to one-sided connections.

Here, Chrissy – who is also a trauma-informed embodiment practitioner and founder of The Art of Aliveness podcast – shares her journey of unraveling these patterns and offers tips on how to build a diverse support network that holds space for ALL of you – no fixing required.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Chrissy experience being the “space holder” for other people and the watershed moment that cracked her open
• The fear of losing a friendship if you decide to pull back (and my own personal experience with this)
• Why, sometimes, being the “fixer” isn’t actually supporting people in the way you think it is
• The difference between allowing people to know something about you vs. allowing them to see your feelings and emotions about it
• Fire circles, reparenting the child inside you, a brilliant structure for a Zoom call, and filling the gaps with professional support

Resources & Links:

Be sure to follow Chrissy Marie on her website and listen to her podcast, The Art of Aliveness.

In this episode I mentioned Episode 49 about small talk; Episode 91, about taking charge of your guest experience; Episode 74 about small intimacies; and Episode 85, about shifting people-pleasing patterns.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Have you ever hesitated to set a boundary with a friend for fear of pushing them away? 

Or, maybe you found yourself on the receiving end of unspoken expectations and left guessing what your friend truly needed. 

Our friendships are some of the only relationships we have by choice – but sometimes that freedom can make us hesitate to trust. We’re subconsciously testing our friends, waiting for them to prove they will show up and listen. These tests can strain a friendship.

But what if setting boundaries didn’t have to be a test? What if instead we saw it as a bridge: a way to deepen the connection and show our friends how to love us better?

Today, I talk all about friendship boundaries with Zya Be, host of the podcast Your Hell Yes Life. We share real-life experiences with boundaries in friendship and stories about those bridge-crossing moments.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• When owning your “yes” is also about owning your “no” – and how to reassess boundaries that are no longer serving you
• Being cognizant and upfront about how you like spending time with people, plus, how to create bridges instead of boundaries
• Different ways you can take a “friendship pause” if a pattern isn’t working rather than immediately ending the friendship
• Small intimacies, self-love, self-care, and the importance of being explicit about what’s needed when you (or a friend) are going through a hard time

Resources & Links:

In this episode I mention Episode 40 and Episode 54, which are both about neurodivergent friendships, and Episode 74, which is about small intimacies.

Listen to Your Hell Yes Life with Zya Be and follow her on Facebook.

Read Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab. 

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Today I’m going to share my personal hot takes about friendship.

If you’ve been listening to Friendship IRL for a while, you’ll recognize some of these ideas, but some thoughts are new, and some I haven’t presented as directly as I do today. 

I was inspired by Danielle Bayard Jackson’s recent episode on the Friend Forward podcast, “6 Hot Takes on Female Friendships.” Here, I cover topics ranging from making friends with people of the opposite gender (which I love!) to the term “best friend” (which I hate!).

Honestly, I think doing this work has cemented a lot of these friendship beliefs for me, but I’d love to hear your thoughts: which hot takes do you agree or disagree with? This is a great episode for new listeners to start with, so please: send this to a friend, too!

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The fallacy that we need only a few close friends (and in particular, a best friend) and the truth about what the most supportive network actually looks like
• How diversity in friendships can help us imagine different ways to live and be in the world – and consequently better understand ourselves
• Over-sharing vs. under-sharing in friendship and why it’s actually not a bad thing when we’re not invited
• The possible repercussions when you finally allow yourself to be uncomfortable in friendship 

Resources & Links:

This episode was inspired by Danielle Bayard Jackson’s recent episode, “6 Hot Takes on Female Friendships.” Danielle is host of the Friend Forward podcast and was a guest here during Episode 77 about female friendships. 

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Imagine you’ve made the move you’ve always dreamed of. 

You live on the other side of the world and experience a new culture. It changes how you see your life – and almost imperceptibly, it changes you, too. When you return home, things are different among your friends. You don’t fit in the way you used to.

Today’s guest, Linda Mueller, has lived this challenge firsthand through seven international moves over the course of thirteen years. Today, she is a life coach and mentor who empowers international women in the journey of relocation and repatriation. 

How do you reconnect with old friends when you’ve become a different version of yourself? While Linda’s story centers on international relocations, I think there are takeaways that apply to so many transformative life experiences. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The impact on relationships based on emotional intimacy roots when we become new versions of ourselves
• Reverse culture shock and the importance of keeping an open mind when it comes to forging new connections and maintaining old ones
• The instinct to add vs. to cut when it comes to looking at the scope of friendships in our lives (and in particular, adding people with similar interests or available time)
• Juggling a mixture of glass and plastic balls, and focusing on harmony instead of balance
• How technology enables us to hold on to so many more people than we used to – which creates new challenges!

Resources & Links:

Sign up for Linda’s newsletter and receive five strategies to make the most out of your time abroad, and follow Suneera Madhani, whose brilliant metaphor about juggling plastic vs. glass balls is mentioned in this episode.

Go back to Episode 12 and learn about my theory about the Roots Framework and listen to Episode 87 about spring cleaning your friendships.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed and exhausted by everything you have to do (while still worrying you aren’t doing enough!) then this episode is for you.

Today I’m talking about burnout with Lesley Waldron, is a burnout coach who is also a sandwich caregiver (a parent and caregiver to a parent). Much of our conversation tackles this conundrum: friendship is hard during burnout, yet, it’s also crucial for our well-being.

I wish I could say this episode has all the answers, but unfortunately there is no magic solution. We’re here to acknowledge a challenging situation many of you face and offer small ways to ease burnout in your own life.

Sometimes what you need most when you’re running on empty is actually a social connection: a hug, a swim date, a walk, or a living room dance party with a friend. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The stressors of being a caregiver, plus, the neurological and physiological shifts stress triggers in your body, from blood pressure to focus
• Different ways to “complete” the burnout stress cycle, from physical activity and laughter to social interaction and affection
• Emotional labor: expressing your emotions to accommodate and elevate the emotions of others (which is common especially among women)
• Four steps to use social connection as a means to complete the cycle if you’re experiencing burnout
• Group gatherings vs. one-on-one gatherings: which do you find more restorative? Plus, the role of oxytocin in combating burnout

Resources & Links:

Read Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski and Emotional Labor: The Invisible Work Shaping our Lives and How to Claim Our Power by Rose Hackman.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

There’s no better way to test your friendship skills than to move to a new city, and today’s guest, Leannda Shearer, has moved to a new city not once or twice but eight different times!

So, at this point, you could say she’s an expert at building a support system. With each new move, she’s learned that it takes not just the right skillset but also the right mindset to create meaningful connections.

Leannda is also a resilience coach and host of the podcast Rising with Phoenix Grace, and in this episode, she provides amazing tips and tricks on how to make new friends after a move, plus, some of her favorite quotes about friendship.

There’s a lot packed into this episode, and I think these tips apply to anyone who’s trying to make an impact or change in their friendships or community.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The skillset AND mindset required to make new friends, plus, the benefits of even “surface level” connections (see my Wheel of Connection framework)
• Making friends and “putting things on the wall,” even when you know this place is only temporary (and how to not overthink your connections that aren’t reciprocating)
• How new friends see you for who you are in this moment and not just who you used to be or what you’ve gone through
• Some of Leannda’s favorite places to make new friends, from meetup.com to networking nights to Facebook groups
• Some of Leannda’s and my favorite inspirational quotes regarding friendship, from Heidi Priebe to Winnie the Pooh

Resources & Links:

Listen to Leannda’s podcast, Rising with Phoenix Grace.

Listen to Episode 48 with Michele Reichman and be sure to look at my Wheel of Connection framework.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Sometimes, when our social lives feel lacking, we find ourselves living  vicariously through others and wondering: how come they’re all living their lives and I’m not?

This is the experience today’s guest, Christine Hetzel, found herself in during a kind of quarter-life crisis. To turn her friendship situation around, she took the initiative and began organizing different kinds of public meet-ups.

Today Christine is the host of the Time for Brunch podcast and blog where she coaches clients on how to prioritize their own needs and personal development. She has since organized meet-up groups around the world with hundreds of members.

This episode is packed with inspiration on how to make the connections you want right now. As Christine reminds us, you can’t sit around and imagine things might magically change. You have to go and take action. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How Christine turned her friendship situation around by organizing meet-ups all over the world
• The sometimes under-appreciated work of event-organizing, and how to not take things too personally in friendships (especially new ones)
• The joy of friendship match-making, and how to broaden your network not as a means to “close the deal” but widen your possibilities
• Being curious about what lights people up, and the conversation starter we both hate the most
• Folding past friendships, relationships, and acquaintances into your next season of friendships

Resources & Links:

Listen to the episodes Christine mentions in this episode including Episode 24 (Marco Polo), Episode 41 (the Liking Gap), Episodes 44 and 48 (finding friends on the internet), Episode 49 (navigating small talk), and Episode 91 (party/event envy).

And be sure to check out Christine Hetzel’s blog and podcast, Time for Brunch and listen to the episode I recorded with her!

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.