Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

What does it take for a friendship to be a constant in your life for two decades?

That’s what we’re talking about with today’s guest, Elise Enriquez, a productivity coach who gives us a behind-the-scenes look at her friendship with Andrea, which she says is one of the most meaningful relationships in her life.

Elise tells us about how she and Andrea became friends, how they built the friendship, how they stayed connected through life’s big transitions, and how they fill the time between the “bright light” moments of their friendship.

They provide so many tangible examples of how they keep in touch. A lot of the time, that’s where the magic is – in the small, simple ways we show up for each other, those mundane details that can make the biggest impact.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Elise and Andrea’s friendship: how they met, how they became close, and how they navigated through some major life changes, from divorces and kids to new marriages
• Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in friendships, which gives other people an opportunity to really see us
• “Doing life” with our friends – debriefing in real time or spending time with them – instead of spending our time together doing catch-up
• Bright light moments in friendship, the darkness between them, and the everyday touchpoints that can fill that darkness
• Creating more “roots” or strands in your friendship that make it easier to keep connections active, from a regular activity or shared interest

Resources & Links

Learn more about Elise and follow her on Instagram!

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Today’s episode is with Terri Huggins Hart, an award-winning journalist who has written for Parents, Good Housekeeping, and other major publications all over the country.

Back in 2015, she wrote an article on her blog, “What Everyone Ought to Know About Never Having a Best Friend,” that went viral. Turns out, many readers also related to never having had a best friend.

If you’ve been listening to this podcast, then you probably know I don’t like the term “best friend.” It’s too all-encompassing, and it’s too much pressure for one relationship.

Here, Terri and I talk about rewiring how we think of our closest relationships, the lack of language for friendship, and how the most important thing is creating connections that feel good to us – regardless of how society says they’re supposed to look.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The lack of language for friendships and the space between “best friend, “friend” and “acquaintance”
• Thinking about friendships in terms of how we think about physical care – there is no “one-size-fits-all” – you don’t want your dentist tending to your gynecological needs
• The wellness culture and the narrow definition of what makes somebody “well” or “fit” or “healthy,” and how it often leaves out marginalized or neurodivergent populations
• Things that are often simpler than they seem – and how it’s often us who make them more complicated than they need to be
• Why many people don’t want to talk about best friends – both because they feel ashamed and because they don’t want their own friends to feel slighted

Resources & Links

Be sure to read the viral article on Terri’s blog from 2015, “What Everyone Ought to Know About Never Having a Best Friend.”

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

If you’re getting out there and meeting new people, there’s no getting around the fact that you’re going to have to do some small talk.

I don’t think I’ve met a single person who’s told me they truly enjoy small talk. Many go to extreme lengths to avoid it. One reason people despise it? It’s Ground Zero. Our brains are wired for familiarity and certainty. Small talk is neither.

But as with most things, the more you do it, the better you get at it. I dread small talk, and I’m an extrovert – but over time, I’ve built that muscle and developed a few tricks I hope you find useful.

So that’s what today’s episode is all about. Small talk: what it is, why it’s necessary, and how to get through it fast, effectively and curiously so that you can get to those deeper and, frankly, more interesting conversations.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Small talk – what it is, who it’s with, what it’s about, and why it often feels uncomfortable
• Looking at small talk in relation to working out (it’s a warm-up) or a long run (it takes a few miles before getting to the runner’s high/deeper conversations)
• Ways to make small talk feel less awkward – for example, just being honest and acknowledging the awkwardness!
• Questions to ask yourself before going into a gathering that will involve small talk such as, why am I here? What will make this gathering a success for me?
• Finding common threads, ripping the band-aid off, and using low-priority topics as building blocks for high-priority ones
• Setting yourself up for success in small talk (and setting other people up for success, too) – plus, how to get OUT of small talk

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Moving somewhere new? Here’s some advice from today’s guest: Get stuff on your walls.

Michele Reichman is a personal trainer, health coach, mom, and, most pertinent to today’s conversation, a military spouse. Often, her family doesn’t know how long they’ll be in a place, so when they get there, they waste no time turning it into their home.

Creating community is her way of doing that, and today, we discuss actionable ways she does this, from joining local groups to using social media as a tool.

Because for Michele, it’s not even that community and friendship are NICE to have – it’s a necessity for her and her family.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• How sometimes it can feel awkward asking somebody to do something with you – and how to get over that awkwardness
• The Liking Gap (which you can learn about in Episode 41) about how we assume people find interactions with us less enjoyable than they actually do
• Modeling friendship for the next generation, and the tips Michele gave her daughter about inviting a friend to hang out
• Getting stuff up on the wall – i.e., taking action on things fast, from saying that first “hello” at a party to joining local groups/events/meet-ups, especially after a move
• How Michele found people in her new home with similar interests/ideals, from hosting a boot camp and joining a church to using the “search” tab on social media
• The different kinds of relationships you can form with people in a new community – for example, Michele’s old neighbors were like second grandparents to her kids

Resources & Links

Michele can be found on her website and on Instagram.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Picture this. You’ve been friends with somebody for 40 years. You’ve always lived close by.

Then, one of you moves across the world. Suddenly you have to Zoom to stay in touch – but talking online with somebody you’re used to sitting on a couch with feels uncomfortable. You might think there’s something wrong with your friendship. The reality? This is just a new way of connecting.

Today’s guest, Ivana Ivanek, an online business coach and podcast host of Fabulous by Design, and I talk about the evolving ways we connect and spend time with our friends. She shares vulnerably about how her move abroad to follow her dreams impacted her friendships.

It has me thinking about my own friendships that feel sticky, and I think a lot of people will identify with her same frustrations. Why is it so hard to connect with this friend I’m so close to? How can we change our ways of connecting? How can we lean into this discomfort to make it work?

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Ivana’s move from Austria to experience her dream and live by the sea – and the struggles she found maintaining long-distance friends with the time zone differences 
• The “online isn’t real” myth, and how to build fulfilling online connections by being ACTIVE and intentional about your interactions
• Getting out of our comfort zones to maintain friendships and the feeling of not staying true to old friends by making new connections
• How highly-sensitive people might actually find connecting with people online less draining than in person
• Why it’s so easy to have all-consuming friendships as kids – and why it doesn’t always work that way as adults

Resources & Links

Check out Ivana’s podcast, Fabulous by Design, which I recently was a guest on and follow along on Instagram.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

The energy it takes to raise little ones is intense. Parents and caregivers NEED friends because this is not a job you should have to go about alone.

Today’s guest is Emily Siegel. She is a friendship coach, mentor, podcast host of The Connected Mom Life, and a working mom of two little boys. In this episode, we cover the realities of mom friendship.

We discuss how to make building and maintaining friendships easier during this hectic stage of life, and Emily shares great advice for what has worked for her. If you’re a parent, try out some of her tips! As she says in this episode, life feels so much lighter with people by your side.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Being forward about wanting and desiring friends – and how sometimes people, especially parents, are grateful for forwardness
• Building the friendship muscle – the more you invest in a new relationship, over time, it will feel less like work
• Friendship between friends with kids and friends without kids, and friendship between people who are in different seasons of life
• Emily’s “moms’ night out” weekly open door which has no barriers for entry (sweatpants, no planning to be done, no RSVP required)
• Three things Emily tells moms who are trying to make new friends – plus, using phones and social media to actually ACCELERATE friendships
• Lowering the bar for what friendship means and finding new ways to be friends while going through life’s transitions

Resources & Links

Follow Emily Siegel on Instagram, listen to her podcast, The Connected Mom Life, and visit her website.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Recently, somebody asked me how to go about friendship demotions.

I think it’s super common to go through a season in friendships where things feel good – and then, something changes. We aren’t talking about these friendship shifts enough. But “demoting” a friend has a bad feeling to it. Instead, what if we talked about building a better version of friendship for right now?

That’s what today’s episode is about – reframing the idea of a friendship demotion and offering 3 "do-the-work" options.

It will likely take time for these changes to become normal, but I hope this episode provides insight into how you might create new, beautiful versions of your friendships that suit your lives right now.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Friendship as a “plate” with things that keep getting added onto it – which often isn’t sustainable long-term
• Getting more specific about what we expect from our friends and what they expect from us, and allowing for adjustments as time goes on
• Questions to ask yourself, such as, what do you enjoy about this friendship? How do you feel most supported by it?  What’s meaningful about it to you?
• The myth of the no-sweat, no-conflict relationship, and asking yourself what work you’re willing to do
• Focusing on feelings in the midst of friendship conflicts and brainstorming how you both can “win”

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

• Deasha’s experiences meeting people online and turning them into real friends, and, her friendship advice
• Being friends with somebody for only a season of life, and being okay with falling out – plus, putting yourself in spaces where you’ll meet the kind of people you want to meet
• Consistency in friendship and how to remove the friendship “administrative” work by creating recurring gatherings
• The power of spending more time thinking about what could go RIGHT vs. what could go wrong – and the skills you gain when things DO go wrong
• How the skill of making friends can give you the confidence to make the big life choices, from big travels and big moves to trying new things

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

A year ago, I went on a walk with a friend who’s around the age of my parents. I shared how I wished my parents and in-laws found other people to talk to besides just me. Doing so would not only make them happier – it would take some pressure off, too!

At the end of the walk, my friend said she saw herself in my story. And I actually think a lot of people will see themselves in this story. Boomers and Gen X generations were told by society that focusing on careers and families would bring fulfillment.

The impact? So many of them don’t have a robust social wellness net. This is an important (and possibly divisive!) topic that we’re talking about today with Janelle, whose online platform tackles motherhood and that sometimes tricky relationship with the in-laws.

I hope this episode helps start a conversation about the impact our own social wellness can have on our parents, children, and in-laws – that way, we can put our attention there and work on it.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Janelle’s platform, which contains content about motherhood and navigating in-law relationships – how it started, and how it’s going
• Generational expectations and pressure, and how much of this comes from older generations not having strong social wellness situations or hobbies
• The impact of social media on wellness – the good and the bad – for different generations, Gen Z to Boomers
• The skill set required to take a friendship out of shared experiences, plus, the importance of modeling friendship for your kids
• The easy ask – asking someone close to you for advice or help, even if they’re not the right person – and how this can weigh heavily on the people we love
• The problem with the “family is family” perspective and creating NEW rules and boundaries

Resources & Links

Follow Janelle on TikTok and visit her page, which is a place for in-law support.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today. 

Ever been in a friendship trio? It can be complicated, right?

I get questions about friendship trios all the time, and today, we’re finally tackling this topic with my guest, Brandi Cambric. We cover maintaining a friendship for multiple decades, introducing your closest friends, and existing in a friendship trio. The good, the hard, and the reality!

If you’re out there looking for a friendship trio, today’s story is going to make you realize it’s not always easy. It’s definitely not equal. Everybody fits their roles. Everybody supports their individual friendships. Everybody puts in the work.

While recording, I had a big, stupid smile on my face. I love sharing these stories – the ups and downs, the journey of these friendships. This isn’t the only way to approach a friendship trio – it’s just an option. My hope is that you’ll take what feels right for you.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Brandi’s real-life friendship trio between two friends – one she’s had for 32 years, the other for 20, and how she introduced them to each other
• Friends who hold different parts of your life – it’s not a competition, and it won’t be equal, just different
• The places where people often get in trouble with friendship trios, and how to maintain a strong triangle (hint: each side/relationship needs to be strong!)
• The sides of the triangle, which won’t be equilateral – at times, it will be lopsided, some lines longer than others
• The importance of refilling your “well” in friendships, and how Brandi refills hers by disconnecting

Resources & Links

Connect with Brandi on LinkedIn and Instagram or through her work as COO of Joseph Consulting Firm.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

WANT MORE?

My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today!

Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.