A caller confides to me that he puts a great deal of effort into scripting his conversations beforehand in order to avoid "failed social interactions.” We get into why he’s always felt this pressure, how he discovered he had autism during a trip on mushrooms, and his obsession with flags.

After that a caller tells me about his experience masturbating in the bathroom of the Vatican City museum as a form of religious retribution, which led to a larger goal of masturbating in as many different countries as possible.

Then a caller tells me his wild story of getting arrested in the Middle East for kissing another man, what it’s like in Jordanian jail, and how he ended up escaping to the US.

A lot of you guys sent pictures of tennis balls to my Instagram DMs (@lyle4ever) last week. Thanks for that. This week I would like pictures of folding chairs. I don’t know what I’m going to do with them but hopefully it’s something productive. Thanks for reading these descriptions. I am a gecko.

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