It feels to me as if i want something and then that 'want' shows up but after it shows up THEN i panic and want to get rid of it or tell myself its unwanted. Its as if i resist letting the 'wanted' thing in fully once it shows up. Whats going on with this ? .. we want something, the want arrives or is got and then the resistance shows up. 

Does this reaction still mean that the original 'want' is unclean or is this reaction showing up due to some other dynamic. It seems different from the situation where resistance is preventing something wanted from being 'got' in the first place.

e.g's could be wanting money, then money turns up freely and then we freak out or we see something we want, we buy it and then freak out or (in my case) recently designing a wanted patio door, getting a quote, it being much more affordable then ever hoped but then i freak out and can't order it. It's almost as if the system fights against the 'upgrade' or the things that could make life 'nicer/easier' so wants to push it all away again once it arrives.