Amanda Dames, The Kink Consultant, loves helping couples struggling to reconcile a mismatch in their desires, specifically surrounding kink. She's a certified Somatica sex and relationship coach and certified sexologist who specializes in couples where one partner is kinky and the other one isn't, and the way she works with them will change how you think about asking for what you want, whether your fantasy involves rope or just finally being taken to a dinner you didn't have to plan.

In this episode:

- Why both monogamy and polyamory require partners to make sacrifices, and no one wants to talk about it

- Amanda's first coaching move isn't catering to the kinky partner, it's finding out what the vanilla partner actually wants

- Why "I don't have any fantasies" is almost never true

- The massage problem: why her ask and his ask are way closer than either of them thinks

- Porn vs. romance novels — both are erotic material, but only one gets made fun of by men

- Nine out of ten of Amanda's clients are husbands who want to submit (and her theory on why the dominant ones are all from New Jersey)

- Amanda's ten-session process with couples, laid out start to finish

- Why she thinks communication is NOT the most important thing in relationships

- The most freeing thing you'll hear if you're scared to top someone — they're already doing 90% of the work

- Subspace, dom flow, and finding your authentic dominant instead of playing a role

- Amanda gets real about her own jealousy, and says something out loud she never has before

- How patriarchy cuts men off from their vulnerability and women off from their power

FOLLOW AMANDA:

Join her free monthly group for women exploring their dominant side — email [email protected] with a photo or social handle

Website: https://amandadames.com

The Kink Consultant Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/3psOpSZMQQYm2cN69bIKwc

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant

Join Amanda at Hedonism for Swinkation (use code TKC50 for up to $400 off): https://www.swinkation.com/

SUPPORT THE SHOW!

Subscribe to My Substack: https://samiamounts.substack.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samia.mounts & https://www.instagram.com/happyslutcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@happyslutcast

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@happyslutcast

Share this episode with anyone who's been sitting on the same fantasy for fifteen years, or with the partner who'd actually want to hear it if it came at them a little slower.

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

Marni Kinrys is the dating coach of every nervous, awkward man's dreams, pinecones. She developed her Wing Girl Method over years of watching good men fumble every time they try to connect with women - and her practical techniques for sparking attraction will make you more confident connecting with others, no matter who you are.

In this episode:

• Why the "nice guy" is just the other side of the asshole coin
• The tiny reframe that changes everything: from "what can I get from her?" to "what do I actually want to know about her?"
• Why so many men literally can't flirt—and why it's a mindset before it's a skill
• Marni's wildest exercise: sending guys to ask 10 women if they think he's sexy (and what the women actually say)
• Her flirting frameworks, decoded: OSA (Observe, Share, Ask) and LCA (Learn, Confirm, Affirm)
• The truth about the Manosphere: the real nuggets buried in all the poison
• Why you don't need six-pack abs or six figures—and what actually makes a face "morph" into hot
• Giving good men permission to go after what they actually want
• How patriarchy quietly wrecks men, too

FOLLOW MARNI:

Grab her free flirting cheat sheet: https://winggirlmethod.com/flirtcs

Website: https://winggirlmethod.com

Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-get-the-girl-an-ask-women-podcast/id651219242

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/marnikinrys

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/winggirlmethod/

SUPPORT THE SHOW!

Subscribe to My Substack: https://samiamounts.substack.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samia.mounts & https://www.instagram.com/happyslutcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@happyslutcast

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@happyslutcast

Share this episode with a good man who can't figure out why he's still single, or with any woman who's exhausted from trying to explain men to themselves.

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

My new crush Annette Benedetti — intimacy coach and host of Talk Sex with Annette — is one of the most joyful, flirty humans I've ever talked sex with. And she got here the hard way: surviving assault at 13, a town that acted like it was her fault, and decades of healing before finding her voice again. This is the story movies never tell — the part after, where you survive, you still want sex, and you go on to build the wildly happy erotic life the world tried to take away from you. This is the story I want for all survivors.

In this one we get into:

• The misogynistic atmosphere that groomed Annette as a young girl, and the story her town told instead of the truth
• What patriarchy does to survivors (and why the conventional-wife "happy ending" is a myth)
• Reclaiming her voice and how President Trump unwittingly inspired her podcast
• Becoming her own best lover: her free 365 Days of Orgasms journey
• A love letter to the G-spot and A-spot - yum!
• Testosterone, perimenopause, and libido after 40
• Layered sensation, patterns, and a very practical toy tutorial

Whether you're a survivor, a late bloomer, or just body-curious, come get lit up with us, pinecones.

The toys Annette gushed about: Womanizer Blend & Enhance — womanizer.com, code ANNETTE15 for 15% off.

Find Annette: talksexwithannette.com · Instagram · TikTok & Facebook @talksexwithannette · the Talk Sex with Annette podcast

Hear me on her show: A Bi Girl's Guide to Better Sex — a goldmine if you love pleasing women and vulva owners.

Come find me & the show: @samia.mounts · show @happyslutcast (IG + TikTok) · [email protected]. I read every DM and email — send me your thoughts and advice questions!

Support Happy Slut 💕 Become a paying subscriber at samiamounts.substack.com — my latest essay is all about why I love sharing my lovers with my friends (half's behind the paywall 😏). Prefer to tip? Venmo @Samia-Mounts or CashApp $SamiaMounts. Can't pay? Sharing this episode with a friend who needs it is even better.

Take one sec to leave a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ review — it's how new happy sluts find us.

Next week: Marni Kinrys, your personal Wing Girl, on why men can't flirt — and why fixing it is basically a mental-health intervention.

Do something pleasurable this weekend, sweethearts.

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Pinecones, this week is a little different: a joint episode! I traveled to Houston to sit down with John and Jackie Melfi—leaders in the American swinger community, owners of the legendary Colette lifestyle clubs (Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, and New Orleans), and the couple behind OpenLove101.com, where I used to blog back in the day. Between them they've got three-plus decades of experience with non-monogamous marriage, swinging, and sexual freedom, and their studio team handled the filming, so you KNOW it looks good.

Full disclosure: John and Jackie and I don't agree on everything—the swinger world is a lot more politically diverse than the poly/ENM crowd—and that's kind of the point. This is what it looks like to connect across differences on the things that matter: autonomy, freedom, pleasure, joy, and integrity while pursuing all of the above.

In this episode:

• Social monogamy vs. sexual monogamy—and why those "monogamous" birds are hiding a scandal in the nest
• If we were naturally monogamous, we wouldn't need so many rules
• How John went from Star Trek nerd to lifestyle club owner (via one very inspiring night in Amsterdam)
• The high school double-date that turned into a marriage… three decades later
• Jackie's journey from strict monogamy to sexual empowerment—and the daily journaling that became OpenLove101
• Comets: the long-distance lovers (and friends!) you keep for years—and John's realization that he's been collecting them all along
• Why we need to stop fetishizing romantic relationships and start honoring romantic friendships
• My marriage, my divorce-in-progress, and what happens when someone loves the idea of you more than the actual you
• The childhood shame stories John and I both carry from first grade—and how shame rewrites our memories
• The myth that you can't be sexually prolific AND wholesome
• How men can become givers in bed (step one: actually see women as people)
• The bartender who taught teenage John everything, bless her
• Why "be a safe man" is the best sex advice there is
• The spit-in-the-mouth trend, litigated at last
• The micro-flinch story: what real attunement looks like in bed

At the end of the episode, I share something personal: I lost a good friend to suicide this week. If you've been putting off a catch-up call with someone you love, make the call. And if you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988—or email me. We take care of each other around here.

FOLLOW JOHN & JACKIE:

Website & blog: OpenLove101.com

Instagram: @openlove101

YouTube: Openlove101

The Openlove101 Show: Listen on Spotify

SUPPORT THE SHOW!

Subscribe to My Substack: samiamounts.substack.com

Venmo Samia: @Samia-Mounts

CashApp Samia: $SamiaMounts

Instagram: @samia.mounts & @happyslutcast

TikTok: @happyslutcast

YouTube: @happyslutcast

Share this episode with someone who thinks swingers and poly folks are the same people. They're in for an education.

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Pinecones, I am GLOWING. This week I sat down with a legend: Polly Superstar—founder of San Francisco's iconic Mission Control and the global Kinky Salon movement, latex fashion designer, author of the memoir Polly: Sex Culture Revolutionary, and now the magical mermaid behind the Writing with Mermaids somatic writing retreats. For 25 years, Polly threw the most whimsical, artistic, immersive sex parties on the planet... while secretly being a sensitive introvert whose bed was literally in the coat check. We talk about what it costs to build everybody else's liberation, why letting go of Kinky Salon was their real life's work, and how the story you're dying to write is hiding in your body.

In this episode:

• How a latex fashion designer from London became the godmother of San Francisco sex party culture
• What actually happens at a Kinky Salon (lovingly known as "the sex party you go to and don't get laid")
• The haunted-house Zoom kink parties that kept everyone sane during the pandemic—featuring a demon topping you from Hell
• Why Polly says "everybody else's liberation was my prison"
• Living at Mission Control for nine years with a bed in the coat check
• Burnout, boners, and being SO over both
• What it's like to be raised with ZERO sexual shame—and then discovering patriarchy is alive and well
• Why Polly explored celibacy after decades of sluttiness (and why their community got weird about it)
• Setting out to find a lover in every port... and the same man showing up in every single one (reader, they married him)
• Being a California love bomber in Copenhagen
• Gender, labels, and why Annie Sprinkle's "metamorphosexual" might be the best one ever coined
• Whimsymaxxing as a 25-year legacy (thank you for the word, Liz Plank!)
• Why the story resides in the body, not the mind—and how water unlocks it
• Hot springs, silence, and word flow at the Writing with Mermaids retreats

FOLLOW POLLY SUPERSTAR:

Website & Writing Retreats: https://www.withmermaids.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pollywordflow

Buy Polly's memoir, Polly: Sex Culture Revolutionary, directly from Polly—they'll sign it and ship it to you themself (do NOT buy it from Amazon): https://www.pollysuperstar.com

Get Polly's FREE 3-day writing course: https://pollysuperstar.impact.me/wordflowjumpstart

SUPPORT THE SHOW!

Subscribe to My Substack: https://samiamounts.substack.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samia.mounts & http://www.instagram.com/happyslutcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@happyslutcast

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@happyslutcast

Share this episode with the introvert in your life who's so busy building everyone else's freedom that they forgot their own.

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

I met Lyra at Dixie De La Tour's birthday orgy in San Francisco. (Yes, that's a sentence I get to say now.) We made out, she flew across the country a few weeks later to spend 28 magical hours with me and my partner Daniel, and my crush on her is TRULY ridiculous.

Lyra is a professional dominatrix and sex educator based in the San Francisco Bay Area who specializes in pegging, anal play, and helping people feel more at home in their own bodies and desires. But that's only part of her story. She also grew up in a high-control religious cult, survived an unimaginably painful rock bottom, and rebuilt her life with the help of community, pleasure, and an unwavering refusal to let anybody shame her sexuality.

She's funny, brilliant, deeply compassionate, and one of the most emotionally intelligent people I've met in a long time. I adore this woman.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How Lyra went from cult kid to professional dominatrix
• Why pressure doesn't work for sex (or relationships)
• Growing up in a high-control religious community that was oddly sex-positive... and deeply unhealthy
• Discovering polyamory and Bay Area sex parties
• Why powerful men often crave surrender
• What it's actually like to specialize in pegging
• The difference between empowering sex work and exploitation
• Supporting men's emotional healing through intimacy and touch
• Why Lyra believes we're all capable of reclaiming our "slutitude"

SUPPORT LYRA:

Website: https://queenlyra.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/queenlyra11

SUPPORT THE SHOW!

Subscribe to My Substack: https://samiamounts.substack.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samia.mounts & https://www.instagram.com/happyslutcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@happyslutcast

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@happyslutcast

Share this episode with a friend, a lover, or somebody who's still trying to untangle sexuality from shame.

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Alex is a straight Black man in his mid-forties who has only had one relationship in his entire life. For years, loneliness, rejection, and crushing social anxiety convinced him that women were the problem, and he reinvented himself as a huge jerk for most of his adult life. Deep down, though, he was carrying wounds much older and deeper than he realized.

In this brutally honest conversation, we talk about sex work, incel culture, entitlement, masculinity, loneliness, and the long road from resentment to self-awareness. It's one of the most nuanced conversations I've ever had about the emotional lives of lonely men—and what it actually takes to heal.

In this episode:

• The question at the heart of male loneliness: "What's wrong with me?"
• How rejection turned into resentment
• What it's like to spend decades searching for love without finding it
• How sex can meet a basic need but can't fill an emotional void
• Why he thought women were the problem
• The panic attacks that still happen when he approaches a woman
• My controversial theory about what lonely men actually need
• A dating strategy that takes the pressure off everyone

SUPPORT THE SHOW!

Subscribe to My Substack: https://samiamounts.substack.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samia.mounts & http://www.instagram.com/happyslutcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@happyslutcast

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@happyslutcast

Share this episode with that lonely guy you know. He might really need to hear it.

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

It's my goal to get as many of my comet lovers (and anchor lovers!) on the show as possible, and Billy Procida, Jr., is the first! Huzzah! I have such a crush. Billy is a comedian, writer, and podcaster out of New York City. He's been producing weekly episodes of the Manwhore Podcast for 12 years now, and his Naked Comedy Show - which is exactly what it sounds like - sells out every month in Brooklyn and is now expanding to Philadelphia, Los Angeles, and Chicago. He's been featured in the New York Times and writes about sex, dating, and gender for Mashable.

I like Billy because he sounds like straight bro comedians like Joe Rogan could sound like if they weren't so deeply misogynistic.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Billy's post-breakup happy slut era! Yay!
• Why casual doesn't have to mean careless
• How to flirt with women without being weird
• The surprising secret to getting laid more
• Non-monogamy, comet lovers, and relationship freedom
• Why nonsexualized nudity is important for sex positivity
• Sex parties, gangbang etiquette, and consent-oriented communication that actually works
• How to be emotionally available without rushing into commitment

SUPPORT BILLY:

Billy's Website: www.manwhorepod.com

Subscribe to the Manwhore Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-manwhore-podcast-sex-positive-conversations/id864068000

Billy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/billyprocidajr/

Billy on Threads: https://www.threads.com/@billyprocidajr

Naked Comedy Show NYC (June 25): https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1989846095236

Naked Comedy Show Chicago (July 10): https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1989444027641

Hear Me Overshare on the Manwhore Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/can-you-switch-from-polyamory-to-monogamy/id864068000?i=1000753133897

SUPPORT THE SHOW!

Subscribe to My Substack: https://samiamounts.substack.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samia.mounts & http://www.instagram.com/happyslutcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@happyslutcast

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@happyslutcast

Share this episode with a friend, a lover, or somebody who's trying to figure out the difference between casual and careless. Mrow!

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

I'm bringing you a delicious glimpse into my current sex and love life this week, pinecones, and it is JUICY. Basically, a woman my partner Daniel and I met at a sex party flew across the country to spend intimate time with us and IT. WAS. MAGICAL. And unexpectedly healing.

In this episode:

• Why I think great sex can be profoundly healing

• How being deeply desired is changing my relationship with my body

• The connection between body image and sexuality

• What happens when attraction, safety, and chemistry all align

• Why our real attractions often have very little to do with conventional beauty standards

• The surprising creative benefits of a thriving sex life

• The difference between being chosen and being truly seen

• Why I don't believe one person can be everything for their partner

• What compersion feels like in real life

• How sexual freedom became a superpower

Listen to my interview on the Manwhore Podcast with Billy Procida for additional context:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/can-you-switch-from-polyamory-to-monogamy/id864068000?i=1000753133897

SUPPORT THE SHOW!

If you're enjoying Happy Slut, please subscribe, rate, review, and share the show with a friend. Word of mouth is still the best way for new listeners to find us. I appreciate your shares so much!

For my most personal writing—and all the juicy details that didn't make it into this episode—become a paid subscriber on Substack:

https://samiamounts.substack.com

Follow Samia:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samia.mounts/

Follow Happy Slut:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/happyslutcast/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@happyslutcast

Email: [email protected]

See you next week, pinecones!

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

Content warning: Mentions of sexual assault and child sexual abuse.

We live within a system that allows sexual abuse of all kinds to flourish without much accountability, and because of that, a lot of us carry deep trauma around sex and intimacy. Rachel (Rae) Halder is one of those people, and she's also a certified trauma resolution and erotic embodiment coach with over a decade of experience helping others heal the same wounds she's been working to heal within herself.

This episode deals with some heavy themes, buuuut we also talk about the Italian hippie who worshipped Rae like a sun goddess...so it's not all doom and gloom. Hehe! This is Happy Slut, after all!

In this episode:

• Rae's journey from childhood sexual abuse survivor to trauma resolution and erotic embodiment coach
• Recovering a repressed memory years after the abuse occurred
• Why our nervous systems dissociate, freeze, and fawn during sex
• How unprocessed trauma gets stored in the body
• The devastating gray area of consensual encounters that become traumatic experiences
• Why some people intellectually want sex while their bodies experience it as unsafe
• The surprising ways trauma can masquerade as asexuality
• Growing up Mennonite and questioning patriarchal ideas about God, gender, and sexuality
• Starting a groundbreaking blog about sexual violence before the #MeToo movement
• The Italian hippie who accidentally sparked Rae's sexual awakening
• Goddess worship, tantra, and discovering what truly safe erotic connection feels like
• Chronic illness, interstitial cystitis, and the connection between trauma and the body
• Why agency, autonomy, and choice are essential ingredients for healing
• The difference between wanting sex and feeling safe enough to receive pleasure
• How survivors can reclaim their sexuality without forcing themselves past their body's limits
• What "erotic safety" actually means
• Why healing often happens more slowly—and more gently—than we want it to

FOLLOW RAE HALDER:

Website: https://www.raehalder.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rachel.rae.halder

Real Sex Substack: https://realsex.substack.com/

FOLLOW SAMIA & HAPPY SLUT:

Samia's Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samia.mounts/

Happy Slut on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/happyslutcast/

Happy Slut on TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@happyslutcast

SUPPORT THE SHOW:

Become a paying Substack subscriber: https://samiamounts.substack.com

Venmo Samia: @Samia-Mounts / https://account.venmo.com/u/Samia-Mounts

CashApp Samia: $SamiaMounts / https://cash.app/$SamiaMounts

Email me your thoughts or pitches at [email protected]. I read every email!

Thank you, pinecones! See ya next week.

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted