Happy Slut

What if queerness was infinite, instead of limited by the strict rules and norms of our patriarchal world? What if we abandoned the binary of tops and bottoms, gays and straights, women and men, and embraced the idea--nay, the reality!--that all of us are fluid, ever-changing beings with deep wellsprings of desire and turn-on we would never know about if we didn't get curious and explore? I talk about all this and more with my guest this week, James Patrick Nelson, or as I call him, Jamie.

In this episode:

• Why Jamie thinks the world would be better if more straight men got fucked in the ass
• The surprising emotional power of being sexually receptive
• Jamie’s chaotic, joyful anal debut story (yes, it involved a threesome)
• Why “top” and “bottom” are wildly insufficient ways to describe human desire
• The queer loneliness of trying to fit into tiny little boxes
• How the pandemic changed Jamie’s understanding of intimacy, beauty, and self-worth
• Why joyful, consensual anal sex is still almost absent from mainstream media
• The difference between humiliation and vulnerability—and why patriarchy confuses the two
• Jamie’s very horny origin story for wanting a tattoo
• A sexy game for exes that honestly might fix modern dating
• Why the best sex is often about feeling truly seen and worshipped
• The making of Jamie’s sensual new indie film Something to Surprise Me
• How queer people are reclaiming sexuality from shame, binaries, and bad storytelling
• Ass worship, emotional intimacy, and the radical act of yielding with joy

SUPPORT SOMETHING TO SURPRISE ME ON SEED & SPARK: https://seedandspark.com/fund/something-to-surprise-me?token=4de1630be7d5a70c7cd806c60339bcf9a171bb0ac77ec1d99238fc1dbd4bc803#story

WATCH FOR YEARS TO COME: https://www.youtube.com/watch?si=-Tu7iceWO2px5pPU&v=jMrHzo03fxE&feature=youtu.be

ALL THINGS JAMIE: https://www.james-patrick-nelson.com/

SUPPORT THE SHOW, CUTIE PATOOT!

Become a paying Substack subscriber: https://samiamounts.substack.com

Venmo Samia: @Samia-Mounts / https://account.venmo.com/u/Samia-Mounts

CashApp Samia: $SamiaMounts / https://cash.app/$SamiaMounts

Thank you, pinecones! See ya next week.

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

In this episode, I ask myself why, oh whyyy, am I so weird with women? I love them, I've known I'm attracted to them both sexually and romantically since I was a kid, and yet I've only managed to have one relationship with a woman that only lasted six weeks in college and otherwise have been a massive failure in the lady-dating department.

And I'm not alone. I've heard lots of bisexual girlies talking about how they don't even feel like they can claim the bisexual label because they almost exclusively date and sleep with men. Most of the bi women I know feel they aren't "bi enough."

In this episode:

• I’ve wanted women my whole life—and stayed silent
• One intense, six-week relationship that blew me open…and shut me down
• Why men feel “easier” (and what that says about me)
• The part I hate admitting: I’m the one getting in my own way
• Is this a me problem…or a bi girl problem?
• And the twist I did NOT see coming

Read the original essay on my Substack: https://samiamounts.substack.com/p/why-am-i-so-weird-with-women

Screen For Years to Come: https://james-patrick-nelson.com/for-years-to-come

SUPPORT THE SHOW, CUTIE PATOOT!

Become a paying Substack subscriber: https://samiamounts.substack.com

Venmo Samia: @Samia-Mounts / https://account.venmo.com/u/Samia-Mounts

CashApp Samia: $SamiaMounts / https://cash.app/$SamiaMounts

Thank you, pinecones! See ya next week.

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

Fox is a happily married parent with a normal work and home life...and a spicy social life with his kinky friends. Ooh la la!

In this audio-only episode with Happy Slut's very first anonymous guest, we get into what happens when a self-described “regular Joe” follows his curiosity into the world of kink play and wildly honest connection—and finds out it sets him free.

We talk about:

• The super-slow, podcast-fueled awakening that led him into kink
• How rope nights and kink clubs can foster community
• The surprisingly complex question: what even counts as sex?
• How he navigated opening things up with his wife (without blowing up his marriage)
• Why “you don’t have to have sex” was the gateway that made everything possible
• The ethics of play: communication, consent, and not being an absolute menace
• Having multiple play partners…and realizing you can actually do something about your crushes
• The joy of helping people live out fantasies they never thought they’d get to experience
• Why exploration, curiosity, and emotional safety matter way more than labels

This one is funny, thoughtful, unexpectedly wholesome, and just the right amount of chaotic.

Basically: what if you could look like a regular person on the outside…and still be out here living your weird little dream life?

Oh wait...that's you? Yeah, baby pinecone, that's ALL of us.

Mentioned in this episode:

Pink Kink Podcast: https://pinkkinkpodcast.com/

The Kink Consultant Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-kink-consultant/id1766435920

SUPPORT THE SHOW!

Subscribe to Samia's Substack: https://samiamounts.substack.com

Venmo Samia: @Samia-Mounts / https://account.venmo.com/u/Samia-Mounts

CashApp Samia: $SamiaMounts / https://cash.app/$SamiaMounts

I love you with the power of a thousand magic wands!

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Callie Little is a polyamorous, pansexual witch who illustrated and co-authored my favorite tarot deck, Every Little Thing You Do is Magic, and its incredible companion book, which offers readers the opportunity to deepen their relationship with the cards and their own intuition. I reached out to them to replace two cards my dog had chewed up and they responded saying they checked out the pod and wanted to come on if I'd have them. IF I'D HAVE THEM?! I melted and exploded and said absolutely yes, thank you, Universe, and the results were glorious.

• going from “I’ll try anything once” to… wait, I actually have standards now??
• why you don’t have to earn your desires or make them make sense to anyone else
• the difference between real connection and just doing what you think you’re supposed to do
• the subtle ways patriarchy trains you to give up your autonomy and call it love
• that moment when something clicks and you’re like… oh, this isn’t a choice, this is a cage
• how to stay open without ignoring every red flag in front of your face
• a definition of cheating that might rearrange your brain a little
• what it actually looks like to be yourself first, even in a long-term relationship
• how to stop spiraling in shame and start getting curious instead
• why you keep wanting people who aren’t that great for you (and what that’s really about)
• building relationships based on choice instead of fear, obligation, or habit
• a recurring theme: you’re allowed to want what you want. yes, even that.

• tarot as a tool for figuring your shit out (more useful than you think)
• book recs that will absolutely mess with your understanding of love in a good way

It's SO GOOD, pinecones!

FOLLOW CALLIE:

Callie's Instagram: @goshcallie

Callie's Substack: The Village Witch

Callie's podcast: The Pocket Coven (apologies for calling it the Pocket Oracle in the episode!)

Purchase the Every Little Thing You Do is Magic Tarot Deck and Companion Book

Book Callie for tattoo work

All things Callie: www.callielittle.com

Book & Substack recommendations in this episode:

The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy

Matriarchal Blessing on Substack by Celeste Davis

Spells for Transmuting Limerence Into Liberation by Yumi Sakugawa

Love in a F*cked Up World by Dean Spade

Polysecure by Jessica Fern

Polywise by Jessica Fern

Open Deeply by Kate Loree

Adult Braces by Lindy West

SUPPORT THE SHOW!

Subscribe to Samia's Substack

Venmo: @Samia-Mounts

CashApp: $SamiaMounts

Love ya, pinecones!

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Her Confidant is Australia's only female-led male escort agency, serving all of Australia and now expanding to the United States. Owner Anna Grosman and anonymous escort Hudson chat with me about how therapeutic their clients find their services and how fulfilling it is to be a part of someone's most pleasurable moments.

We cover:

• A 43-year-old virgin makes her sexual debut with Hudson in a hotel suite...and afterward, begins dating for the first time in her life.
• A couple rediscover their spark...by inviting Hudson and his girlfriend Sage to spend an evening with them getting naked under the stars.
• Hudson's tragic back story, and how he used it as a catalyst for his own authenticity and growth.
• Anna's deeply hot back story, and how she realized not everyone was getting down with their spouses the way she was, and the women of hte world needed help!
• What a difference it makes when a man is able to be fully present with a woman, to really listen to her and attune to her emotions. It is, literally, what will get you laid. Andrew Tate's got it ALL WRONG.

This is a really fun convo, pinecones! I hope you dig it! Send me an email at [email protected] if you have comments, questions, or concerns. I love to hear from you.

Visit herconfidant.com.au for more on Her Confidant.

See Hudson's profile on Her Confidant. It's SO good. *fans herself*

Follow Samia on Instagram @samia.mounts

Follow Happy Slut on Instagram and Tiktok @happyslutcast

Email your comments, questions, dreams and wishes to [email protected]

SUPPORT THE SHOW WITH YOUR CUTE LITTLE SLUTTY DOLLARS!

Venmo: @Samia-Mounts

CashApp: $SamiaMounts

Dixie De La Tour has been facilitating joyful sexual experiences for most of her life, and you'll be shocked at the early life experiences that made her who she is today. She's the creator and host of the exuberant, wacky live show, Bawdy Storytelling, which features stories about sex, kink, gender, and body image and just celebrated its 20-year anniversary! She's also a self-proclaimed wild slut...but even sluts have dry spells, and in this episode, you'll hear all about how Dixie came back from eight years of no sex and is now ready to fuck like her life depends on it.

NOTE: This episode contains frank discussions of sex and mentions of sexual assault. Listen with care.

For all things Dixie De La Tour, head to www.bawdystorytelling.com.

BUY TICKETS to Bawdy Storytelling live in San Francisco on May 15: https://events.humanitix.com/bawdy-storytelling-s-the-big-comeback

Follow Dixie on Instagram @bawdystorytelling

Following Samia on Instagram @samia.mounts

Follow Happy Slut on Instagram and Tiktok @happyslutcast

Email your comments, questions, dreams and wishes to [email protected]

SUPPORT THE SHOW WITH YOUR CUTE LITTLE SLUTTY DOLLARS!

Venmo: @Samia-Mounts

CashApp: $SamiaMounts

I love you, pinecones! More next week!

xoxo,

Samia

Listen for a major announcement about the future of ClosetEd! Gahhhh I'm excited about this one, pinecones.

Watch all video episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@closeted-with-samia

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

This week, I take a listener advice question from Ben (not his real name), who asked if he's a "sick freak" because he felt arousal instead of jealousy when he caught his ex-wife cheating with his best friend. Oh Ben! My heart! I hope my answer helps you, you sweet, sweet man.

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samia.mounts/

Follow ClosetEd on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/closetedwithsamia/

SUPPORT ME FINANCIALLY, my sweet pinecones! I need your helpppp to keep making this show!

Subscribe to my Substack and make a pledge for a monthly or annual subscription: http://samiamounts.substack.com/

Venmo me: https://account.venmo.com/u/samia-mounts

CashApp me: https://cash.app/$SamiaMounts

See ya next week, pinecones!

xoxo,

Samia

I am extra excited about this week's interview, mostly because it was the result of me literally fangirl-ing my way into Charlotte Shane's DMs after reading her incredible memoir, An Honest Woman: A Memoir of Love and Sex Work. Her book tells the story of her years working as a high-end escort in nuanced and poetic detail, and in this interview, we chat about what gave her the courage to pursue sex work at age 20, why she loved it so much she kept doing it well into her 30s, and her unique insights on humanity, sex, relationships, and what is actually "normal" for human beings. I'm SO proud of this interview. Enjoyyy, and get Charlotte's book! Links below.

BUY An Honest Woman: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/An-Honest-Woman/Charlotte-Shane/9781982126865

Check out Charlotte's website: https://www.charlotteshane.com

Follow Charlotte on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/charoshane

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samia.mounts/

Follow ClosetEd on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/closetedwithsamia/

SUPPORT ME FINANCIALLY, my sweet pinecones! I need your helpppp to keep making this show!

Subscribe to my Substack and make a pledge for a monthly or annual subscription: http://samiamounts.substack.com/

Venmo me: https://account.venmo.com/u/samia-mounts

CashApp me: https://cash.app/$SamiaMounts

See ya next week, sexy things!

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

BetterSleep FREE Trial

Get 30 days of BetterSleep for free with link www.bettersleep.com/closeted.

Get 30 days of BetterSleep FREE with link www.bettersleep.com/closeted

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products!

Use code CLOSETED at check-out.

Get 15% off Kenneth Play's Beyond Satisfied Pro course at www.kennethplay.com/closeted

This week, I bring you my very explicit conversation with the most sex-positive doctor you'll ever meet, Dr. Elliot Justin, founder of FirmTech. FirmTech is a sex tech company, and they make a cock ring, called the TechRing, that give you valuable data on your sexual and cardiovascular health! Whaaaaaat. So cool.

Get a 15% discount on all FirmTech products using discount code CLOSETED at check-out! Head over to www.myfirmtech.com to shop now.

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samia.mounts/

Follow ClosetEd on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/closetedwithsamia/

SUPPORT ME FINANCIALLY, my sweet pinecones! I need your helpppp to keep making this show!

Subscribe to my Substack and make a pledge for a monthly or annual subscription: http://samiamounts.substack.com/

Venmo me: https://account.venmo.com/u/samia-mounts

CashApp me: https://cash.app/$SamiaMounts

See ya next week, sexy things!

xoxo,

Samia

Mentioned in this episode:

Beyond Satisfied Pro Video Course

Get 15% off the Beyond Satified Pro video course from Kenneth Play and take your sex life to a whole new level: www.kennethplay.com/closeted

BetterSleep FREE Trial

Get 30 days of BetterSleep for free with link www.bettersleep.com/closeted.