Healthy Love & Money: Financial Therapy, Intimacy, Conflict & Communication for Couples

Today, Ed is joined by Bea Coté, President and Founder of IMPACT Family Violence Services, LLC as well as the nonprofit Step Up to Family Safety.

One glance at her storied career makes it obvious that Bea has a deep passion for helping families and individuals struggling with domestic violence. She initially worked in child protective services before making the transition to working with those who control/abuse partners and children, which she has been doing now for the past 23 years.

Listen in as Bea breaks down the most common myths surrounding domestic violence and why too many instances of abuse fly under the radar. In unpacking these heavy issues, Bea speaks on the realities of economic and emotional abuse and why most abusers and even their spouses do not realize the full gravity of the conflict they are going through as a family.

Finally, Bea speaks on the sobering fact that, when a husband inflicts any sort of abuse on their wife, no matter how overt or how subtle, that man abuses their own children by extension. They are effectively modeling unhealthy values, beliefs, and actions that stay with their children until adulthood.

To Bea, the road to bringing more awareness to the complex realities of domestic violence is a long one; but, she remains motivated, after over two decades after beginning her career, to do her small part in arming the next generation with the knowledge and support they need to enjoy healthier relationships moving forward.

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Today, Ed is joined by financial therapist Sarah Swantner, founder of Black Hills Integrative Counseling & Coaching, LLC in South Dakota.

Sarah is trained in both personal finance and mental health counseling. For the first decade of her professional life, she worked as a mechanical engineer. After that, she spent another decade doing financial planning and began to deal with the emotional side of money. She now specializes in working at the intersection of personal finance and mental health.

Listen in as Sarah reflects on her journey into the field of financial therapy. The former mechanical engineer calls it a transition “from working with things to working with people.” She goes on to share a myriad of lessons that can easily be applied by anyone looking to improve their relationship with money.

To Sarah, financial therapy is about helping people become aware of their emotional and cognitive patterns which are hijacking their relationship with money. Through this process, they can then be given the tools they need to break these destructive patterns and replace them with a healthier and more productive mindset and set of habits.

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Today, Ed is joined by Cozy Wittman, Education and Partnership Manager at College Inside Track, who helps families navigate the complex college search process, find the right fit and decrease their student debt load.

“Ten years ago,” says Cozy, “if you had told me that I would be talking to people about how to think more creatively and strategically about how to pay for college, I would have laughed.”

Having five kids of her own, however, helped Cozy realize that every person has their own unique path—that there was no one-size-fits-all journey from youth to adulthood. If that path involves college, there is a real need to think creatively and strategically in today’s world.

Listen in as Cozy discusses the importance of discovering your child’s strengths and passions, alongside their particular learning style, and thinking about the path that aligns these two foundations. She unpacks the direct link between college savings and debt and how parents can navigate the financial side of the whole process.

Cozy addresses common parent concerns surrounding the current college landscape, such as ensuring that your savings won’t ultimately be wasted, finding the right school for your child, and an explanation on why it’s never worth the extra debt to seek a less-than-ideal school for a potentially higher salary.

“I tell every single family: If your child wants to go to college, there’s a college that will be excited to have them, and a college that you can afford.”

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Today, Ed is joined by Terri Lonowski, Founder of Soulful Listening®. Her five-component approach offers a roadmap for embodying evolutionary communication skills, one Soulful Listening® conversation at a time.

When applied to our lives, this process can ease feelings of loneliness, create fulfilling connections, and inspire greater potential. Terri is the founder and practitioner of the Soulful Listening® approach, a 2021 TEDxSpeaker, a master facilitator, and a highly sought-after national and international speaker.

Listen in as Terri dives deep into the five elements of Soulful Listening®: Self-Care, Becoming Fully Present, Quantum Listening, Inspired Action, and The Feedback Loop, and how to implement this priceless approach both as a spouse and parent.

“There is power in being heard,” says Terri. “Through being heard, you can unleash potential that may have heretofore been constricted or locked up.”

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Today, Ed is joined by Dr. Briana Nelson Goff, a professor in the Department of Applied Human Sciences at Kansas State University. Her clinical experience and research specialization is with primary and secondary traumatic stress symptoms in trauma survivor couples, families, and children, with a specific focus on military and disaster-related traumatic events.

Listen in as Dr. Goff does a deep dive into her work and research around trauma and PTSD, particularly in relation to military families. She and Ed discuss the delicate balancing act between self-sacrificial duty to others and looking out for one’s own mental wellbeing.

They also speak on the journey from awareness of trauma, to the validation of that trauma in one’s life, to the actual work of behavioral change once that trauma has been validated.

Ultimately, Dr. Goff says that our mental health journey is not solely in the hands of a professional, that we need to take agency over our own mental wellbeing. At the same time, strong, supportive relationships are a big factor in strengthening our mental health for the long haul. In her words:

“Don’t keep it in. Get help somewhere. It doesn’t have to be a mental health person. If you’ve had a bad situation, reach out. Get the support that you need. Find your tribe. Find the people who care and bring them with you on your journey.”

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Today, Ed is joined by Mike Vaughn, MA, LCMHCS, CSAT, and co-founder of SureHope Counseling & Training Center. For over 18 years, he has helped people strengthen their marriages, find freedom from sex addiction, and experience peace again in the face of traumatic events.

Listen in as Mike explains the eye-opening commonalities between his three specialities: sex addiction, marriage, and trauma, focusing on the financial and time costs that typically come with addiction or holding onto trauma of any sort.

He and Ed break down the role of our emotions, values, and priorities in the way we treat money, and how much of our “financial preoccupation” can be traced back to our inner life. Mike invites us to ask ourselves: “Am I using money to try to emotionally regulate what I otherwise really dysregulated?”

Mike also discusses how trauma causes us to change our beliefs about ourselves, about others, and about the nature of relationships, all for the worse. He talks about the most common interrelational traumas shared by his clients over the years.

Finally, Mike dives deep into the uncomfortable yet incredibly important discussion around childhood sexual abuse, how certain experiences that are sexual in nature can manifest in ways that many parents take for granted, and how to set healthy boundaries around sexuality.

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Today, Ed is joined by Dr. Judy Butler, psychotherapist, counselor, and spiritual director. She heads The Guardian's Gift and Butler Counseling & Consulting, through which she guides senior adults, their adult children, and family caregivers through their physical, financial, emotional, and spiritual needs and goals as they put together a second half of life plan.

Listen in as Dr. Butler shares how her own personal experiences led her to do the noble work she does today. Asked for her purpose as a counselor, consultant, and pastor, Dr. Butler says:

“The Guardian’s Gift is an experience. It is a transformation of going from just thinking about the legal side of estate planning to having a total legacy.”

Part of this experience involves a deep dive into our past to face our various traumas, and get crystal clear on old, unproductive beliefs and paradigms that have followed us into adulthood. Dr. Butler discusses how we can break free of the old stories we tell ourselves, and tell a new, empowering story going forward.

Ultimately, The Guardian’s Gift aims to help us make meaning out of our lives and the legacy that we intend to leave.

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Today, Ed is joined by Dr. Alex Melkumian, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 15 years of experience under his belt. He is the founder of Financial Psychology Center in Los Angeles, California, and the author of Financial Psychology: Restoring Financial Wellness in a Post-COVID Economy.

Listen in as Dr. Melkumian breaks down the cause of financial stress and how to overcome such stress in a post-COVID world, particularly for those who make their living in the gig economy. He speaks on how feelings of shame and deprivation serve as stumbling blocks on the way to financial wellness.

Dr. Melkumian discusses how we can troubleshoot unproductive money-related behaviors and how to use financial stress as a source of valuable information to help us nurture healthier behaviors going forward.

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Today, Ed is joined by Bari Tessler, financial therapist and coach known for her award-winning book The Art of Money. She explains why it’s so important to use your body, and not only your head, if you seek a healthier relationship with money.

Listen in as Bari talks about the story behind her platform, The Art of Money, and how years of training to become a somatic psychotherapist provided the spark that would eventually lead to the creation of her practice, The Body Check-in. Bari explains the value of tapping into your body using movement and sound and how this unusual practice does in fact have a big impact on your money life.

Bari reminds us that awareness leads to understanding, which then leads to change. This not only applies to your personal relationship with money, but also to your shared relationship with money along with your spouse. And much of it depends not only on using your mind, but also checking in with your body.

Finally, Bari and Ed discuss the unique challenges of navigating financial decisions as an entrepreneurial couple.

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[Explicit Content]

Today, Ed is joined by Hendrik Crafford, an ontological coach, and a CFP® Professional hailing all the way from South Africa. Hendrik shares his story of financial therapy and how it has impacted his life and career.

This interview is packed with great nuggets and insights about family dynamics when it comes to finances and the influence of being a people-pleaser on how we interact with money.

Listen in as Hendrik goes down memory lane to reflect on how his parents’ wisdom led him to live life frugally as a “citizen of the world” rather than as a mindless consumer. He talks about how his personal decisions around money through the decades shapes his approach to working with clients as an ontological coach and financial planner.

He breaks down the three legs on which our way of being stands according to the ontological model⁠—our body, our moods, and our language⁠—and how conscious embodiment can help us create a roadmap to a better relationship with money.

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