Heaving Bosoms

Hey HB's! It's the next episode of maternity leave line up, featuring TANYA! Oh that's right, Tanya from A Knight in Shining Armor fame and glory. Don't worry, she says her piece here. 

This week, we're covering part 1 of A Soldier's Scoundrel by Cat Sebastian. It's a queer romance featuring an injured veteran gentleman and a criminal-turned-fixer from the streets. Will they solve the case of the Lady's missing letters? And will they be able to suppress their own desires long enough to do so with their hearts uncompromised? 

Bonus Content: A little about our friendship, the England Times gay scene, and the vehicle we're calling The Jeep of England Times. 

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Hey all! We have a special guest for you! JENNY NORDBAK FROM THE WICKED WALLFLOWERS CLUB PODCAST! *squeee!* 

Jenny and I talk all about Priest by Sierra Simone. A gorgeous tale about a Priest who's tempted for the first time when he meets a new resident in town. He's got a six pack and a dominant side, and while she's looking for direction for herself, they just might be each other's salvation... or undoing. The squee is real in this episode, y'all. Melody might reach pitches only dogs can hear at times. 

Bonus content: Jenny's book The Scarlett Letters: My Secret Year of Men in an LA Dungeon, SchemePod, drunk yoga, BUTT STUFF, and more! 

Self-Love Recommendations: 

Melody: Put cinnamon directly into your french press when you make winter coffee. Yum! 

Jenny: So Beautifully Broken Jewelry. A fellow book lover makes beautiful custom jewelry with many of our favorite lines of books and other motivational sayings. 

http://sobeautifullybroken.com/

Instagram: @terriellenburg

Mentioned in this episode:

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Oh HBs, do we have a treat for you! Erin and Sara Netzley of The DC TV Report podcast sit down to gush and giggle over Beautiful Player by Christina Lauren, a sweet(but hot) contemporary with more internal conflict than we could handle at times. This one features overworked scientist Hannah and her older brother’s hot friend, Will. If you like outspoken heroines and reformed players, this one is for you!

BONUS CONTENT: “Nerd Lingo with Sara,” names for hats, the merits of having a murdery boyfriend, the dos and don'ts of food and sex, “Sexual Safety without Mel,” rules for putting Jesus statues in your cleavage, and pooping in ditches at Disney World.

Lady Loves: The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, and My Dad Wrote a Porno

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This week Erin teamed up with her friend of fifteen years, Cole, a straight man and novice romance reader, to read The Marriage Contract by Katee Robert. It's a romantic suspense story set in the seedy world of Boston's Irish mafia (or underground?). Do you like Logistics with Erin? Because this episode is basically a two-hour rant about how the mafia and FBI work, with some high praise for *very* good sexytimes, banter, and dirty talk! Plus, we've got in-depth discussions of the critically acclaimed masterpiece, We Bought a Zoo, high school plays, the Bold and the Beautiful, the secret reason Cole needs to go to the Cracker Barrel in Victorville, and more movie references than any of you ever wanted. Spot Conlon! Brooklyn!  

Patreon Shout Out: 

Bridget M., you are a modern-day high priestess of Nike, the goddess of strength and victory. As a devout worshipper, you know your goddess has been a little misunderstood over the years, because there’s more to life than just winning. Nike is the deity of all the hard work and training that has to go into any endeavor before victory can be assured. Like your lady, you know that self-improvement can always be attained with the right attitude, tools, and sense of commitment that is bones-deep. More than that, you have come around to the notion that you, just as you are, are worth all the effort and long-hours. Furthermore, you’re the embodiment of Nike’s most well-known role in ancient times: divine charioteer. Just like she flew around battlefields rewarding victors with glory and fame, you lift up those around you daily. You’re an amazing role model not only because of your hard work, but because of your innate sense that a rising tide lifts all boats. You’re the cheerleader everyone needs and they can’t help but be inspired by your actions as well as your effervescent support.

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Give HB a 5 Star rating and review wherever you listen! It helps us grow and makes us feel like 1 million dollars. And we're still doing the bribe! If you leave a 5 Star review, we'll guarantee to review whatever book or movie you recommend!

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It's here, it's HERE, the MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR! The stockings are hung, Melody is wrapped in her Reindeer Onesie, knowing the Reindeer Mafia will protect every HB, and we've got basically unlimited access to ALL THE CHRISTMAS LOVE MOVIES. This episode we recap Christmas Wedding Planner. There's, you guessed it, a plucky wedding planner, a PI who's not afraid to ruin everything, and a mystery surrounding the groom-to-be. Will two actors with absolutely zero chemistry fall in lo--WAIT, IS THAT JOEY FATONE? Indeed it is! 

Bonus Content: You guys, as of recording Melody is SO PREGNANT. STILL. Also, Deathly Hallows concerts, fried chicken scones, mean mugging, set design excellence, a Melody reaction involving a mahogany desk that Erin wasn't expecting, JOEY FATONE, Melody's excellent impressions, and so much cackling we may have hit our limit. 

Patreon Shout Out: 

Ushma P., you are a descendent and acolyte of Euphrosyne, one of the three Greek Charities, or Graces. They were responsible for spreading joy and cheer throughout the world, and Euphrosyne in particular was the embodiment of beauty and grace. Ushma, you bring the same enthusiasm and mirth to any task you take on. Like the Graces, you know that a smile and positive attitude can make any situation, no matter how serious, more palatable, and your outlook is a ray of sunshine to anyone you meet. Do you govern your entire life with frivolity? Absolutely not. Instead, you know that the best launching pad for any interaction is kindness and you will offer others the benefit of the doubt as much as humanly possible. However, you’re also not one to let opportunities pass you by in favor of passing fancies, nor will you be anyone’s doormat. Instead, you see every occasion as an opportunity for betterment, whether it’s for yourself or the world at large. Your big heart and sunny disposition give you great power for good.

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Give HB a 5 Star rating and review wherever you listen! It helps us grow and makes us feel like 1 million dollars. And we're still doing the bribe! If you leave a 5 Star review, we'll guarantee to review whatever book or movie you recommend!

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Hey HB's! We got into the Christmas Spirit by reading two novellas within this anthology called Heiress Alone by Joanna Shupe and Meet Me In Mayfair by Tessa Dare! Each of these wonderful novellas are tied together by Sarah MacLean's family shortbread recipe and they are just as scrumptious as your favorite holiday cookie. Patrons should stay tuned for our recaps of the other two novellas, because those will be coming soon! Happy Holidays! 

Bonus Content: 

Our Christmases: David makes eggnog by hand, Melody is a crazy person when it comes to cards and has opinions about when it's appropriate to start your Christmasing. Erin waxes more philosophic about how her story is a time travel novella. Hear all about the best way to survive the cold; it involves shared nakedness, sleeping bags, and Fox Moulder's infinite wisdom. We give you a pro-tip about watching the movie Atonement. Hear all about Melody's strategy at events with passed appetizers. And Melody continuously shuts Erin the hell down.

Patreon Shout Out:

Mary F., you are one of the many descendents of the Hydra. Like all quote, unquote villains of history, the hydra’s story was told by the victor and omitted the hydra’s many wonderful qualities. As a water-dweller, the hydra took many of her characteristics from her surroundings. She was principled, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t adapt to a change in the flow. She was highly emotionally intelligent and an empath, which is something you’ve channeled in your existence; so deep was her emotional intuition that she often needed time away in her cave to recharge after interactions with others. More than anything, though, was her power of persistence and regeneration, which have both suited you well in your life. When knocked down, you’re not one to stay down. What many don’t know is those powers didn’t come from her poisonous blood or breath; no those are just a mark of her species. Her powers of regeneration and persistence came from her loyal, abiding, and protective heart. She could not leave those she loved to suffer alone, so she would reinvent herself at any attack to ensure their safety and happiness. You, Mary, you have that same deep well of vigor and rejuvenation and you use them well.

Mentioned in this episode:

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Give HB a 5 Star rating and review wherever you listen! It helps us grow and makes us feel like 1 million dollars. And we're still doing the bribe! If you leave a 5 Star review, we'll guarantee to review whatever book or movie you recommend!

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Hey HB's! We finish up our discussion of Match Me If You Can by Susan Elizabeth Phillips! 

Bonus Content: Alaskan earthquakes, month-long Christmas for very pregnant Melody, more stories of Rooster the Dog, our demand for discernible lady orgasms and maybe some goddamned foreplay, Melody is almost defeated but then goes ape-shit over depictions of disordered eating, gaslighting, that time Erin got 3 pairs of FUBU jeans because her mom was MAKING A STATEMENT, and so much more!

Self-Love Recommendations: 

Erin: earthquake putty. Do it! Do it today! Get it done! 

Melody: don't fucking take it anymore. If you feel like you need to be polite and always brush things off, know that you don't. Own your outrage and express it in any healthy form that appropriate for the setting, x3. Your default will usually be less than what is appropriate for any setting. 

Special thanks to Jenn at Post Pouring Company for the amazing Keep Being a Bad Ass candle! It got Melody through the editing she had to redo last-minute.

Social Media: @postpourco 

Etsy shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/PostPourCo

Patreon Shout Out:

Jenny N., you are a descendent of The Fates, the three sisters who use their prowessin the textile arts to tell the future of mortals. Like these three, you're talented with fabric, expressing yourself with piecework. You can take a collection of what other would call "nothing" and turn it into a gorgeous work of art that keeps people as warm as your personality, aura, and heart. In short, positively toasty. You've also taken your ancestor's cold talent for premonition and turned it on it's head by shaping the future of anyone who encounters you with your vast wisdom and bottomless empathy. You might untether people, but instead of cutting their life cords, you cut the leashes keeping them bound to their own sense of limits, insecurity, and to the voices in their heads telling them they can't. You're truly inspiring.

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Love the show? Leave a review!

Give HB a 5 Star rating and review wherever you listen! It helps us grow and makes us feel like 1 million dollars. And we're still doing the bribe! If you leave a 5 Star review, we'll guarantee to review whatever book or movie you recommend!

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey y'all! I feel like we haven't hated something for a MINUTE. Well, get stoked because we... didn't like this very much. We've got a hot mess heroine that was even too much for Melody and a douchenozzle hero who thinks he wants a wife, but is really looking for a personal assistant/status enhancer he can take to the bonezone. Will they see that they're perfect for each other? Probably. Will they be right? WHO KNOWS; THIS IS ONLY PART ONE. 

Content Warning: clumsy and sometimes downright gross treatment of a transgender character, and illusions that Trump is the hero's actual hero throughout. This was published in 2005, though, so try to keep that in mind. 

Bonus Content: Melody is wearing her Reindeer Mafia Onesie! Rooster is getting old. Erin divulges that on paper Melody would confuse and annoy her; thank goodness we know each other in person! Plus, all the snake imagery, misunderstanding of kundalini yoga, and imagined vaginal attacks you probably never knew you needed. 

Lady Loves: 

Erin: Holistic Tarot Agency Podcast. Co-hosted by an HB, it's all the witchy, tarot, giggly content that can make Erin's pagan heart soar. Also, they accept questions, so participate! 

Melody: 1. Set some boundaries and be brutal in enforcing them. Your interpersonal relationships will thank you in the long run. And 2. Aromatherapy booties. They're hot! They're cold! They smell amazing! They will relax and delight you. 

Indy podcast promo: americansexpodcast.com Check them out! 

Mentioned in this episode:

Love the show? Leave a review!

Give HB a 5 Star rating and review wherever you listen! It helps us grow and makes us feel like 1 million dollars. And we're still doing the bribe! If you leave a 5 Star review, we'll guarantee to review whatever book or movie you recommend!

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Heyyyyyyyyy HB’s! Many of you have requested books from Sarah J. Maas’ series A Court of Thorns and Roses and we are here with book 1! Book two will follow after Melody’s maternity leave. We meet Feyre, a human girl who’s taken on the burden of providing for her fallen family, and Tamlin, a Faerie High Lord who needs to win her heart in order to break a curse and save the world. Book 1 is such a BEAUTIFUL introduction to this world, but it’s also super dense. We may have fudged some details here and there. We may have done things out of order. We might have taken some liberties in our tangents. Whatever, we loved it! Tamlin is a big sweet dummy and Rhysand is the sexiest king of the night in Everdom. Also, NECKBITES.

Bonus Content: Erin hates Melody’s current TMI just because pregnancy is gross, GOAT joins us in the recording studio, Melody says District 11 when she meant 12, we talk about stupid titties and ungrateful sisters, Erin accidentally admits a food group you can’t expect, Erin has to endure an entire book with a GOLD MASQUERADE MASK shudders, and we discuss how we’d react to a Calamari Party with enchanted wine. Spoiler alert: Melody’s tits would be out.

Lady Love Recs:

Erin: the podcast My Dad Wrote a Porno had a wonderful bonus episode featuring Dame Emma Thompson AND IT WAS PURE MAGIC. She talks all about her theory on sex education with her daughter, her whips, and is generally just the Queen we all want to worship.

Melody: you know that To Do list you might be neglecting? Is it mocking you? Are you lying awake at night? If so, bite the bullet and get stuff done! It feels so good to get those accomplished and cross them off the list, or remove the post-it from your to-do board.

Patreon Shout-Outs:

Katie T., you are a shining descendent of Cerberus, watchdog of the underworld. By nature, you're very kind and protective, shepherding those under your purview with great care. However, you have high standards for your loyalty and you're not afraid to dish out consequences to those who step out of line or abuse others. You have great respect for the arts, talent, and the beautiful in this world, so you've been known to show your soft underbelly when pampered by someone you trust. You also may only have one head, but you retained the cast amount of wisdom that Cerberus packed into each of his 3 brains, so your capacity for knowledge AND empathy is a thing to behold.

This episode is sponsored by Bubbles and Books. The code BOSOM20 will get 20% off your first month! Get relaxing, everyone!

Website: bubblesandbooks.com

Facebook group, home of the monthly "Bubbles Night": https://www.facebook.com/groups/bubblesandbooks/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bubbles_books_box/

Pintrest: https://pinterest.com/bubblesandbooks/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/soakedromance

Mentioned in this episode:

Love the show? Leave a review!

Give HB a 5 Star rating and review wherever you listen! It helps us grow and makes us feel like 1 million dollars. And we're still doing the bribe! If you leave a 5 Star review, we'll guarantee to review whatever book or movie you recommend!

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It’s the mostly tingly time of the year... That’s right everyone, we read CHUCK TINGLE! In this episode, we recap Seduced by Dr. Bigfoot, Attorney at Large and Space Raptor Butt Invasion. Can Mark handle his attraction to a mythical creature who’s a lawyer AND a doctor? Will Lance have to spend have to spend his entire time on the planet Zorbus alone, or will he be able to warm up the cold-blooded creature he meets there? Come with us on these journeys to self-discovery, new sexual horizons, and all the semen descriptions you might be able to handle. THEN, if you’re a patron, you get to hear us tell each other about two bonus stories! And, I always feel silly saying this because everything we do is explicit, but this one is EXPLICIT. The text demands and we deliver.

Bonus Content: THE WINNER OF THE BUBBLES AND BOOKS GIVEAWAY is Jennifer Sumner! Congrats, Jennifer!  Melody tells everyone about officiating her friend's wedding, dancing her face off, and staying up until 3am like a kid... and the aftermath. We also get into the murky story of national treasure Dr. Chuck Tingle, Banksy of Erotica, why something is exponentially funnier if you aggressively include their professions in the description, the merits and demerits of sex against the window of the 72nd floor, and good goddess we hope all the descriptions of things being gay aren’t meant to be funny in a bad way. It feels too pure to be bad! It brings too much joy! And *Bing Boong Bong* Mythical Creature Safe Sex with Melody and Logistics with Erin.

Lady Love Recs:

Melody: Try a new fun thing called “Breakfast in Bath.” It’s far superior to Breakfast in Bed because you won’t drop crumbs in your sheets, you get all the bathtime relaxation you want, you start the day exfoliated, and it’s generally amazing. Erin is HORRIFIED, but we have very different bathtime strategies and outlooks.

Erin: ERIN NEEDS TO GET SOMETHING OFF HER CHEST. Forever ago, she rec’d a Bare Minerals lipstick that’s made with cocoa powder and NOBODY DID A GODDAMNED THING. Now there’s apparently a “cult lipstick” that Melody rec’d WAY LATER and it’s been quietly “grinding [her] gears.” Wait no, her Lady Love is an episode of Busy Tonight with Busy Philipps. On the episode with Emily Ratajkowski where they do a bit about the weirdest things women have ever found in their bras that had her DYING with laughter.

Patreon Shout-Outs:

Brandon S., you are a rare unicorn-centaur hybrid. Your unicorn lineage gives you the nobility, purity of heart, and sweetness of temperament which makes others crave our presence and respect. And your centaur side gives you wisdom and positivity in pursuits of both the mind and of the flesh. Regardless of your methods, you have an innate ability to make anyone feel wonderful about themselves and life in general

This episode is sponsored by Bubbles and Books. The code BOSOM20 will get 20% off your first month! Get relaxing, everyone!

Website: bubblesandbooks.com

Facebook group, home of the monthly "Bubbles Night": https://www.facebook.com/groups/bubblesandbooks/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bubbles_books_box/

Pintrest: https://pinterest.com/bubblesandbooks/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/soakedromance

Mentioned in this episode:

Love the show? Leave a review!

Give HB a 5 Star rating and review wherever you listen! It helps us grow and makes us feel like 1 million dollars. And we're still doing the bribe! If you leave a 5 Star review, we'll guarantee to review whatever book or movie you recommend!

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.