Hello Dysfunction

If you don’t like us, we feel you.
Pata Fria was given a defective vagina, Crystal used to love morning after pills and there’s a fine line between subtle enhancements and full on transformation. Crystal lasered herself a new face and loved telling everyone all about it. 
Men flirting is really cringe. Sexual dysfunction is stressful and Crystal is NOT from Steel Magnolias.

For bonus content and additional episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

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Instagram.com/patafria.again 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

Pata Fria is a bio hacker. 
Roasting yourself is empowering! 
Bring back pink popcorn, more lavender foods and bad moms are a popular theme this week. 
It’s Latinx heritage month! Scarface is cancelled and don’t give your child a ridiculous name. 

Check out this week’s sponsor! 

• DIPSEA
Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!  
The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. 
If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off. 
Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners! 

Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction
That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction 

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

Happy Birthday Peez!! 
Hers a big girl and is already acting like it. 
The Queen has passed. Now return the stolen artifacts. We’ve been having record breaking temperatures, don’t share my goodbye letter and tape your mouth shut. 

Check out this week’s sponsors!  

• BetterHelp
Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home.
Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO

• Gladskin
Gladskin is a product that works with your skin’s natural bacteria to soothe and resolve eczema, rosacea, acne and other skin irritations. Steroid-free and non-toxic, safe enough to also use on baby. 
Right now our listeners get 15% off plus free shipping (we love that) at gladskin.com with discount code HELLODYSFUNCTION. That’s Gladskin.com/hellodysfunction  

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

CHREEEEEEEES!! 
We feel sick. Crystal is a woodworker. Don’t sleep with your dead pets and Pata Fria is opening a Montessori school. 
Be patient with your neurodivergent partners and learn your love/apology languages. 
Forgiveness develops with time. Growing up in the 90s was so incredibly toxic and have you made a virginity promise to your dad? 

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

The kids are back to school and bringing home germs, yay!
Crystal is a contractor specializing in residential renovations. The local Starbucks needs to train their employees on proper protocol. 
Bukk is here. Beater Boys. Please keep your pets away from onions and garlic!! 

Check out this week’s sponsor! 

• DIPSEA
Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!  
The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. 
If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off. 
Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners! 

Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction
That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction 

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

Happy Birthday Crystal!!!
Camping was a shit show, trouble follows us everywhere and influencer drama has us in a chokehold. 
Reviewing some unnecessary write ins, not the good kind. 

Check out this week’s sponsor!

• BetterHelp
Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

Leo season is upon us. 
We’re recording in a bed. 
Is Pata Fria’s ig gone forever? 
Crystal’s house and nerves are in disarray, Pata Fria and Will started fasting and talk shows in the 90s were AWFUL. 

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

We’re doing our best. 
Crystal’s house is all over the place, Pata Fria is a carpet cleaning professional, stop leaving your lashes everywhere. 
We’re still waiting on Uncle Jimmy, let’s all take monkey pox seriously and always plead not guilty on your tickets. It’s worth a shot.

Check out this week’s sponsor! 

• DIPSEA
Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!  
The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. 
If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off. 
Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners! 

Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction
That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction 

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

Is the Choco Taco really saying goodbye? 
Kids, finish your raisin water, snap peas and blackberries. 
Shaving Cream has a lot of uses!
Your name coulda been Elvis. 
Stop wasting paper towels and wash your rice? 

Check out this week’s sponsor! 

• BetterHelpRight now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

Welcome to grow tf up everything isn’t funny. 
Carolyn might be getting a roommate, Pata Fria is becoming a gamer and we might move to LA. 
Never leave your kids unattended, follow these notes on how to be a good wife, zebras in CA is true. 

Check out this week’s sponsor! 

• BetterHelpRight now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected]