Hello Dysfunction

Back loving the Blood Mary’s. 
Let’s all get new haircuts. We live in hell, boric acid is not for everyday use and if you’re into skat play safe! 
People flashing their lights in the daytime are friends! And Crystal won’t even cheat with a doll. 

Check out this week’s sponsor! 

• DIPSEA
Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!  
The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. 
If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off. 
Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners! 

Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction
That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction 

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

In person is always better. 
Everything in moderation, even the good stuff. 
If you love me, play dead. 
Loss of a pet is insanely rough. 
If you’re gonna dress up your siblings at least take pics. 

Check out this week’s sponsor! 

• BetterHelpRight now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

We’re so happy to be back. 
We would like a Raisin Bran sponsorship. 
Now Bunny has Covid. 
Be careful driving cars that backfire. 
Bladder botox is ridiculous and we miss our grandmas. 

Check out this week’s sponsor! 

• BetterHelpRight now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

We’re back! 
Crystal and family had Covid, Pata Fria ran away to Florida.
iPhones are messy, don’t make new videos of dead loved ones, Crystal will never stop seeing dad d*ck and got a hot new bathing suit! 

Check out this week’s sponsors! 

• BetterHelpRight now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO

• DIPSEA
Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!  
The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. 
If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off. 
Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners! 

Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction
That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction 

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

Pata Fria got a Mexican denture and surprised herself with how creative she gets while hurt. Crystal got a special voicemail and visit right when she needed it. Nightmares are among us, after 2.5yrs Crystal finally got Covid and blocking ppl is about self preservation, not you. 

Check out this week’s sponsors! 

• BetterHelpRight now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO

• DIPSEA
Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!  
The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. 
If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off. 
Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners! 

Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction
That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction 

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

It’s hot. 
Roaches are never welcome. 
Crystal is a caring death doula and guns are outta control. Pata Fria is more prude than you’d expect, thank god for growth, use water in the bathroom and dnt be gross. 

Check out this week’s sponsor! 

• BetterHelpRight now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

Happy Birthday Pata Fria.
Don’t call me “lil mama”. 
Be extra nice nice to the ugly produce and Aunt Debra is a damn fool. 
Being a woman is annoying, not everyone can breastfeed and Crystal’s singing has to stop. 

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

We’re almost 4 years old!! 
Pata Fria is back from Mexico. 
Carolyn might have a keepsake for sale and we have a new beauty secret to share. 

Check out this week’s sponsors! 

• BetterHelpRight now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO

• DIPSEA
Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!  
The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. 
If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off. 
Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners! 

Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction
That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction 

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

Crystal is an adult cheerleader. 
Keep politics out of our vaginas. 
Hyper sexual children are more common than some realize and love at first month is totally possible. 

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

Coffee is a trickster. 
Tomatoes used to be a lot better tasting. 
Stop telling everyone your family planning and extreme cheapskates are great. 
Crystal is ALL about mid century modern and Pata Fria is getting her affairs in order. 

Check out this week’s sponsors! 

• BetterHelpRight now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO

• DIPSEA
Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!  
The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. 
If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off. 
Right now Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day trial of full access for our listeners! 

Start now at dipseastories.com/dysfunction
That’s D I P S E A stories .com/dysfunction 

Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction 

Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction 
Instagram.com/lurkpatafria 
Instagram.com/crystaldamato21

Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected]