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If you haven’t heard of Bill Eddy, he’s basically the king of kicking high conflict’s ass. And he’s got a fantastically simple tip to greatly minimize communication problems with difficult people called the BIFF response:

B = BRIEF: Keep your reply short, and preferably in writing.

I = INFORMATIVE: Respond with relevant facts, not emotions. Don’t waste time defending or explaining yourself; a high-conflict person will just cherry-pick new arguments.

F = FRIENDLY: Don’t go overboard with this one but do take the time to begin and end communications in polite, neutral manner.

F = FIRM: Don’t participate in additional drama. If the ex’s temper flares up, calmly (and firmly!) end the conversation.

Bill Eddy has a great example of using the BIFF response on his website that’s gold for anyone who’s gotten stuck arguing in circles with a difficult narcissist. The BIFF response is also perfect when used in combination with our 10 Commandments for high-conflict co-parenting.

If you’re finding these little tips and pep talks helpful, I’d love it if you’d take a couple minutes to leave a review! Every review gives us a little algorithm bump, which will hopefully help more folks find us. And helping more struggling stepparents is definitely our goal. Thanks so much and I’ll catch you back here tomorrow. xo

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