Highly Sensitive, Happily Married

040  Falling in love is easy, effortless. Staying in love isn’t. Today we talk about staying in love (or falling back in love), and how it's about being intentional in the tiniest moments.

You don’t have to wait to learn something fancy, or to have a giant change of heart to feel better with your partner. You can make an instant little shift right now that will move you in a more loving, more fulfilling, happier direction.

In fact, that is how we actually create sustained change. By thinking about things a tiny bit differently right now; by paying a slightly different kind of attention right now; by seeing things through new eyes at this moment. And then this one, too. 

The more we do this, the more change we affect in our marriage.

Making use of what I call “Micro Moments” is a PRIME way I make my marriage amazing every day, whether to move out of a more stressful emotional place or to consciously create more connection with my man.

Today we dive into Micro Moments of LOVE:  one tiny moment-- and then another-- of warmth, of connection, of love, at a time. 

String many of these together throughout your day and week, and you will have a much richer, more love-filled experience of your marriage for the rest of your lives together. 

Dive in to get the details.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

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• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES:
Click to schedule your consult
Email:  [email protected]
Website: lifeisworthloving.com

Get More Free Support, Courses and Coaching HERE.

039  The biggest barriers to love come from within our own brains. Today we are talking about a very common one:

The wired-in instinct to want to be right. To see ourselves and our way as right, and others ways as wrong. 

Why is this being right thing so tenacious and tempting? Listen in to find out and start to let it go...

Because, though totally normal, this instinct is counterproductive to creating a more loving fulfilling marriage. It causes conflict and struggle in our relationships:

When what we consciously or unconsciously believe is the right way to be is challenged by our partner’s behavior, it's easy to feel like he's doing things wrong, to fall into judgment and even contempt.

Then we may find ourselves trying to impose our ways onto our partner, trying to get him to do things the “right” way, trying to convince him and entice him into thinking and behaving the way we think he should, in an attempt to feel on the same team.

This approach, ironically,  steals understanding, respect, and genuine connection right from under our noses.

If we want real connection and deep love, we need to stop the right/wrong thing and open up to accepting differences, big and little.

In this episode, I share client stories, mindset shifts, and 2 specific ways to work with this desire to be right, so you can put an end to the divisiveness it creates and come back to actually feeling on the same team in a deeper way than ever with your partner.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES:
Grab the free guide: THE 7 MOST POWERFUL PHRASES TO DEEPEN CONNECTION IN YOUR MARRIAGE
website: lifeisworthloving.com

Get More Free Support, Courses and Coaching HERE.

 Sex and physical intimacy. They are the prime things that distinguish marriage from a roommate situation.

But, many women, especially us highly sensitive women, often find that we just don't’ feel like being sexual with our partner at the end of a long day--or ever!

If that’s a common experience for you, and you feel like it’s putting a damper on the connection and fulfillment you or your husband is experiencing in your marriage, this is a must-listen episode.

We cover: 

• How nothing is wrong with you if your desire tank is low
  
  
• WHY that may be the case and is so common
  
  
• 3 essential things to understand about women’s physiology when it comes to sex that dampens desire 
  
  
• 3 keys to working with your unique sensitive physiology and mind to fuel desire and get you in the mood for sex again
  
  
• Tips and insights to make your time with your husband in the bedroom more luscious and passionate again.
  
  

The capacity to feel desire starts in YOU and you have total sway over it. The only thing standing between you and it are some very important understandings (which aren’t common knowledge) about how your own body works.

So if you’ve been worrying something is wrong with you or your marriage because you’re rarely in the mood for sex, this episode will set your mind and body at EASE. . .

. . . and give you the understandings you need to regain feelings of attraction, desire, and to enjoy and look forward to lovemaking again right away.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES:
Click to schedule your consult
Website: lifeisworthloving.com
Contact:  [email protected]

Get More Free Support, Courses and Coaching HERE.

As a human being, especially a highly sensitive person, you’re going to have lots of feelings, many of which will be “negative” ones. Especially when it comes to the things we care most about, such as our marriages and relationships.

Does this mean you have to suffer through them, grin and bear it, or resign yourself to having an unhappy life and relationship? Of course not. You can, of course, thrive in life and love. 

But that will depend on how healthy your relationship with your own emotions is. 

 This episode is a deep but quick dive into how to safely feel your feelings, so you can develop a great relationship with them and feel safe and confident no matter what comes up in your love life.

For you, HSP, with your big feelings (or long-lasting-won’t-let-up-easily feelings), this episode is gold! So buckle up and bring a pen and notebook, because there are so many gems to take note of today. We cover:

• 4 reasons you want to learn to safely feel your emotions and the benefits that you’ll start to experience when you do 
• Why doing so will be one of the best things you’ve ever done to have a great marriage
• What emotions actually are and are NOT 
• A specific process to get you started
• What feeling your feelings does not mean and the mistake it's so easy to make 
• Troubleshooting and tips for how to develop this most essential skill
• Little adjustments for those with trauma
• A great metaphor to help you get the feel of this skill so it feels like the loving peace-inducing approach it is (instead of torture!)

This is at the very top of the most essential skills we can learn as HSPs --and humans-- to have better relationships and be more successful in any arena in our life. 

If all of us become masters of this, our world would be such a different and more loving place. It starts with you learning it and reaping the rewards in your own life and marriage.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES:
Emotional Safety Development Quick Practice (scroll down the page to the video)
Click to learn more abut working with Hannah
Contact:  [email protected]

Get More Free Support, Courses and Coaching HERE.

As highly sensitive people, we feel deeply. So when something happens with our partner that we don’t like, and negative emotions are stirred up, it can lead to reacting strongly. . .

 . . .often in ways that lead to more strife and conflict (think: withdrawing, running out of the room, snapping, criticizing, yelling, crying, ranting, going on and on trying to figure things out and feeling unable to stop talking, and other big displays of anger or despair). . . 

. . . and an inability to resolve an issue effectively.

In this episode, we're going to look at why this happens, and what we are trying to do instinctively with our big reactions (it’s a positive intention, but just not so effective or helpful).

Most importantly, we're going to get practical and very specific about: 

• Little life adjustments and bigger internal changes you can make to prevent this from happening in the first place,
  
  
• Exactly what to do when you’re experiencing such an upsurge of emotion (instead of reacting out of it)  
  
  
•  A very tangible process that actually works to calm yourself down and regain access to that wise mind and heart of yours! 
  
  

You will walk away from this episode with a very clear understanding of how to get yourself back to the emotionally calm place to most effectively resolve an issue with your partner or move beyond it, so you can come back to feeling close again and on the same team with your husband.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES:
Click to learn more about working with Hannah
Website: lifeisworthloving.com
Contact:  [email protected]
Get More Free Support, Courses and Coaching HERE.

035  We all have a biological imperative to feel worthy, to feel good enough. This need drives us in all aspects of our life. It is part of what pulls us towards love. 

But it is also in love that our sense of not being quite good enough, not being worthy, is most highlighted. 

Having a strong sense of self-worth is a big part of having a marriage that feels like the safest most loving zone possible…

And having low self-worth is the source of so many marriage problems, such as feeling easily hurt, easily triggered, not loved enough, defensiveness, lashing out, not being honest and authentic, and even being critical of your partner. 

Not feeling good enough on some level (low self-worth) is, unfortunately, so common for hsps. 

Fortunately, you can change that. Listen in to learn how.

In this episode I share:

• How simple (not necessarily easy) it actually is to develop a solid sense of self-worth.
• How a lack of self-worth affects your love life and how feeling worthy benefits it.
• Why low self-worth happens and is normal.
• What gets in the way of developing self-worth.
• Where exactly it comes from (and doesn’t come from).
• What to know if others don’t see you as good enough.
• Specific things you can do to start feeling more self-worth right away.
• What deepens and sustains it over time.
  
  

Once I learned what I share here, I began to feel better than I’ve ever felt about myself. And that changed everything for the better-- in my marriage, as a parent, in my career, and every realm of my life.

Listen in to make an instant and long-lasting improvement in your sense of self-worth --this most important emotional foundation for a deeply fulfilling life and marriage.

This episode piggybacks on last week's episode, so have a listen to that one, too!

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES
Find Hannah and hop on here email list here
Get More Free Support, Courses and Coaching HERE.

034   What if you consistently felt like you were important, cared for, valued and like you deeply matter to your partner, and to all the people you care about? Like, all the time...no matter what happened?

How would that change your marriage….your life?

In a nutshell, it would free you up to have so much more fun, lightness, connection, love, and passion in your marriage, and simple enjoyment of your partner day in and day out. 

Listen in to learn how!

Unfortunately, most of us, especially as HSPs, don’t feel this steady sense of being valued, and loved enough. Not even in our marriage, where we want to feel that way the most. 

Yes, we can sometimes feel it when others applaud us for something, or when we finally reach that goal we had...

But that feeling of validation comes and goes...right? To maintain it, or feel more of it,  we often end up chasing it, doing things to earn that validation….or working to get our partner to show us we're valuable…

This is a setup for an exhausting power struggle and endless emotional turmoil, because…

• your husband, like so many, might not be so good at always saying the loving thing, listening well, complementing or hugging you, and appreciating you out loud for all that you are and do. 
• It puts a lot of pressure on your partner and totally disempowers you.
• it leaves you super vulnerable to feeling unimportant and unvalued.  
• And you’re likely to feel resentful, super frustrated with your man, and quite disappointed in him and your marriage, to boot...

….Because (today or one day down the road)  he’s going to be bad at this job of making sure you feel valued all the time!

If this sounds at all familiar, you are outsourcing your value. Most people do! But it’s a completely unsustainable, unreliable way to go about feeling how you deserve to feel as a highly sensitive woman: deeply valued, valuable, and like you matter!

And guess what? Even if your partner does well at this job much of the time, he’s actually never the reason you feel valuable or not. This turns out to be very good news for you and your marriage...

Listen in as I teach you where your sense of value really comes from, how much better you --and your marriage will feel-- when you know how to insource your sense of feeling deeply valuable in your life and marriage, and how easy it actually is to do once you learn how to begin.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Check out the Start Here Podcast Pathway for a suggested route through the most important episodes to start with or review — the ones that will help you feel calmer, more secure, and more hopeful in your relationship. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES:
Click to learn more about how to work with Hannah

Website: hspmarriagecoaching.com

033 Love flourishes when we feel safe. A sense of emotional safety is foundational to having a great - or even decent-- marriage. When both partners feel safe with each other, the real heights of love and connection are available. 

From that zone of love and safety in a marriage, communication is easy, conflict gets resolved quickly, and playful, passionate, tender ways of interacting just naturally effortlessly happen.  We can bring more compassion,  patience, understanding, and presence to each other, making our relationship an ever-deepening culture of safety, love, and nourishment in our lives.

But, because we are human, and especially as sensitive women, we may NOT feel so safe much of the time, or when it comes to certain things that happen in our relationship. We may feel insecure, unsettled, anxious, untrusting, uncomfortable in our skin, unable to let our guard down in this way or that way. In other words: unsafe.

The amazing news is that you don’t have to wait for conditions to be just so for you to feel so much safer in your relationship. 

Listen in to this essential episode to learn:

• Where safety and lack of safety really comes from (it might surprise you), 
• How to avoid the most common mistake about how to feel safer, 
• How to identify when you don’t have enough emotional safety 
• Why you want to build more of it 
• Why you have control over how much of a culture of love and safety your marriage is,
• Specific steps to begin building WAY more of it inside yourself and, ultimately, in your marriage, and how developing a kind relationship to your own mind is the one of the main keys to doing so..
  
  

You can learn to feel deeply safe inside of yourself. When you do, you will be freed up to enjoy your relationship --and truly your whole LIFE--so much more.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES:
Work with me in Treasured

Get More Free Support, Courses and Coaching HERE.

032   Many highly sensitive women feel so uncomfortable when their partners get upset, angry, triggered.

Often, they get upset themselves! 

Or else, they may tiptoe around in order to avoid emotional upheaval, feeling like they need to stop doing certain things (like asking for time to themselves), or start doing certain things...or they hold back on bringing up important topics because their husband may not handle it well.

If you do any of this (and you may not be super aware of it, so listen in to find out!), it’s is a roundabout (and not very honest or successful) way of trying to prevent yourself from feeling bad. 

Not only is it not your job to try to keep your partner from having feelings, but we simply can’t stop anyone from having them! Your husband WILL get upset and be unhappy--sometimes with you. 

So let's answer this question:  How can you stop being so upset by him having negative feelings? 

The good news is that you don’t need to modify your own behavior or avoid topics of discussion to prevent him from feeling bad.

There is a shortcut you can take to feeling at peace when he gets angry or experiences any other feeling. 

You might even find, like I have, that what comes out of this is the ability to let upset and negative emotions bring you closer with him, into more understanding, more security and ever deeper love. 

Listen in as I break it down for you in this episode.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

Get More Free Support, Courses and Coaching HERE.

031   Today we are talking about Communication and Authenticity Inhibition (which is one of the biggest things that stops many HSPs from actually having the relationship we want) and their cause: Negative Emotion Aversion.

We dive into how this all gets in the way of healthy effective communication (like asking for what we want), makes it hard to be honest and authentic in our relationships, adds a whole lot of unnecessary suffering to our lives, and ultimately prevents us from growing a deeper love and understanding of each other in our marriages.

Unfortunately, Negative Emotion Aversion has been perpetuated by the messages we receive from our society, and from our brains' natural biases.

Luckily, you can change all that.

 It starts with understanding how aversion to negative emotion is harming you, and beginning to think about negative emotions in a way that will bring you so much more peace and ease, and a sense of being free to be you --and loved for it-- in your life and marriage.

Listen in to hear me break it down for you in this episode.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES:
Link to more support and  more about working with Hannah