Gather round, kids - we’ve got a heartwarming story for you about a Christmas long ago (1990) in a magical place called “Houston” where a detective on a mission encounters an alien with an arm-mounted drain snake to create space heroin to take back to his planet. There is also a gang called the White Boys (really!) who dress like finance bros who want to get their hands on that sweet, sweet space heroin too. And as a bonus, the alien has a killer flying CD attack. It’s a lot to process, so sit back and let your uncles Matt, Scott and Kyle tell you all about DARK ANGEL, aka I COME IN PEACE! In the words of whoever greenlit this insane concept, “let it snow, let it snow, let it snow” and we don’t mean the stuff that falls from the sky when it’s cold.

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There’s a Friday the 13th in December, so grab your Santa hat and hockey mask because we’re celebrating the holiday with one of the few remaining films from the franchise that hasn’t been covered yet, the 1984 classic FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER! Spoiler alert, it was not the actual final chapter, nor does it occur on a Friday - this is actually Sunday the 15th but really who’s counting? Time for some gratuitous “teen” nudity, Crispin Glover dancing, and some sweet, sweet Savini gore. Who’s ready to go skinny dipping in Crystal Lake?

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December is an month chock FULL of kindertrauma, so what better way to kick it off than get lost in the fever dream Disney classic THE WATCHER IN THE WOODS (1980)? The trailer seemed to pop up on every 80s-era live action Disney VHS and scarred an entire generation of kids who are now all grown up and doing podcasts… Plus it’s got Bette Davis in it! Kyle even went the extra mile and got the original sci-fi ending over to Matt and Scott so they could also enjoy how wild this film’s first cut was before the studio wimped out. Name a stray dog after a missing girl’s name backwards, it’s Horror Movie Night!

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Imagine a new take on Frankenstein’s Monster, but instead of it being a human… it’s a dog. And instead of it being horror, it’s almost pure comedy. Congrats, you’ve successfully pitched MAN’S BEST FRIEND (1993) to a cigar-smoking movie exec hopped up on enough nose candy to greenlight it! This is a very strange movie, and could only have been created in that golden age of horror between the end of second-wave slashers in the early 90s before SCREAM revitalized the genre. They were really scraping for ideas, so a Cujo-meets-Robocop was just the ticket apparently. That said, this movie is an absolute blast… as long as you’ve got your rabies shot.

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Why Full Moon didn’t do a compilation called Short Movies For Short Monsters, we may never know, but if Chucky Band wants to get in on that IP, he has our number. And if he does come to his senses, we just know he’ll kick off his comp with 1993’s DOLLMAN VS. DEMONIC TOYS. Coming in at a diminutive 64 minute runtime, with at least half of the scenes pulled from DOLLMAN (1991), DEMONIC TOYS (1992) and BAD CHANNELS (1992), this is barely a feature film, but at least it doesn’t overstay its welcome. Get down on our level and see what a foot-high alien cop does when a foul-mouthed baby doll tries to have its way with his girlfriend (also one foot tall). It’s all very confusing.

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When it comes to deciding on titles, no killer yeti movie has ever gone quite as hard as 1974’s SHRIEK OF THE MUTILATED. Come on, that’s bad ass, though the badassery more or less starts and ends at the title, leaving little imagination left for the actual movie it precedes. What follows is a lot of bad acting, a little bit of plot involving college students tracking down a yeti with their professor, and a final scene with more outdated racial stereotypes than you’ve seen all year (hopefully). This one is pure 70s schlock with a surprisingly famous song about popcorn tossed in for good measure. What else would you expect from us at this point?

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For some people, Christmas season starts on November 1st, which is legitimately crazy but who are we to yuck Matt’s yum? In honor of the coziest time of year when family is never far, we get familiar with 1988’s guy-talks-to-mannequins classic PIN! This was first discussed in our Reddit Horror Club days, and it was high time it made an appearance on HMN. It’s got enough sleaze to keep even Kyle happy, and Scott went the extra mile and read the book it was adapted from for this episode, so prepare for a double dose of childhood trauma. It’s doctor’s orders!

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Happy Halloween, everybody! As in tradition at Horror Movie Night, we are discussing a kid-friendly horror movie with 2009’s incredible stop-motion CORALINE. Beyond the wonderful story and truly creepy Other Mother, the technical prowess on display throughout this movie is just untouchable. Is this a perfect spooky season offering for the whole family? Let’s use our button eyes to see!

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It’s almost Halloween, and it’s been a while since we discussed a Michael Myers movie, so why not tackle 1981’s divisive sequel HALLOWEEN II? This fever dream (literally) of a slasher has some fun kills, Donald Pleasance doing the most, and the introduction of the head-scratching explanation that Laurie is actually Michael’s baby sister from the beginning of the first movie. We never really get to move past that in the rest of the Halloween franchise, so we might as well get into on this week’s episode. Also, look at how red the blood is in this one!

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It’s finally happened… Scott’s lost his head and has run off with the Pickety Witch to SLEEPY HOLLOW (1999)! Celebrating 25 years of sort-of-kid-friendly head trauma, this delightful film is full of blood, humor, and a very problematic cast and director (not you, Christina Ricci, we still love you). Meet us at the Tree of the Dead and we’ll promise not to chew off your tongues when we smooch…

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