House Sadness

The boys are back and they are a ramblin’ more than ever. About 45 minutes in the finally get to some, “WFM’s” then it’s week two of the new segment in, “Joke o the Gay,” then we hear, “30 seconds of Meg Ryan slinging Whoppers in a Burger King commercial,” then the boys have another go in figuring out who can fit what and where and how much in, “Fanny Pack,” then we hear, “60 seconds of Kids Bop Vol. Eve 69,” then the boys find some more time to ramble and finally settle on a name for the episode. So grab your headphone, tie me to a bedpost and watch it spin around into a beautiful oblivion.

California here we come, right back where we farted from, Californiaaaaaaaaaaaaa. The boys are my neck, my back, lick my podcast and my crack. They get things started with yet again some ladies who are, “WFM’s,” then they introduce a new bit in, “Joke of the Gay,” then we hear, “60 seconds of Kids Bop Vol. 2,” then the boys have smelt it and they try to figure out who dealt it in, “Who Farted.” Then we hear, “30 seconds of Meg Ryan’s Campbell’s Soup Commercial,” then the boys talk about some cinematic classics and get around to naming the episode. So grab your headphones and welcome to the OC, bitch, because here this podcast cums.

By the grace of the sweet, sweet Garth Brooks, House Sadness is back and we’ve got friends in no places. The boys get things started with some women who aren’t big on social graces but who are still, “WFM’s.” Then we take, “30 seconds to make 7-Up Yours,” then things get fuzzy as the boys take a trip where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases my blues away in, “From First to Last: Blackouts.” Then we get another chance to make 7-Up Yours in, “30 seconds of what I just f’in typed.” But then, we’ve been here before and the boys show themselves the door and name the episode. So grab your headphones, just wait ’til I finish this glass, then sweet little lady, I’ll head back to the bar, and you can kiss…

Hold onto your butts, it’s another episode of House Sadness cumming at, on but not in you. The boys kick things off with some more, “WFM’s” we hear, “90 seconds of the 2000 VMA’s hosted by the Waynes brothers,” then the boys spill the beans and fill their jeans in, “Notecard Secrets,” and finally, the boys manage to invent a new board game when they name that episode. So grab your 20-sided dice cuz daddy needs a new pair of shoes and a new outlook on life.

Here’s another episode of a podcast you’re not allowed to listen to within 100 feet of a school. The boys get things started with some, “WFM’s” then we hear, “30 seconds of Know That’s What I Call Poos-ic Vol 4-skin,” then time to cover your boners with your binders because it’s long awaited return of, “Whits and Giggles,” then we hear,”30 more seconds of how many god damned commercials did they make for this f’in wonder ball,” then prepare for your speakers to dripping wet after the boys show of their pipes once again in, “How Does That Song Go?” So somebody call John Cusack and tell him to grab his boombox because we got another episode for the ether.

Boy, oh Bob’s Big Boy. The boys are back and they are getting the breakfast buffet for $5 on the morning before their football games. They fart things off with some shoulda, coulda, “WFM’s” then we hear “30 seconds of the delicious and nutritious? cereal Cookie Crisp,” then the boys ask the questions the man doesn’t want to answer in, “Who farted?” then we hear, “30 seconds of some asshole named Steve Carrell ramble on about chicken or some bullshit,” then the boys wrap things in, “If you had to.” So right hand headphones, left thumb in your bum and you’re hitchhiking your way to house sadness.

“Oh, my neck. Oh, my back. My neck and back. I want a $150,000 but right now I’ll settle out of court for a new episode of House Sadness.” The boys are back they are joined by a very special guest, the wolf-bruh himself: DAN CUMMINS. They get things started with a round of, “WFM’s,” we hear, “60 seconds of the double platinum Anti-Drug Song: Straight Up,” then the boys sing their little farts out in, “How does that song go?” then we hear, “The trailer for the classic: Hey, I didn’t know Rotten Tomatoes’ Tomatometer went that low, aka: The Hottie and the Nottie,” then the boys close things out with some movie ideas that would make said Tomatometer think it had a fever in, “Squeakuels.” So be our number one with a silver bullet, load up the podcast, cock it and pull it. (It’s French for give it a listen, wee-wee).

 

 

Check out Dan’s podcast TIMESUCK at WWW.TIMESUCKPODCAST.COM

What is time really other than the universe calling you old and laughing at you for getting fat. Maybe time needs to take a look at itself and stop projecting all its shit on us. Time is really just a flat circle jerk and the boys are back and lubing up both hands for another long episode. They get things started with some more names of some ladies who “WFM’s” we hear “30 seconds of a commercial from the second (or third) best root beer,” then the boys take a trip down memory lame in, “Notecard Secrets,” then we hear “30 seconds of some god damn Strangers with Candy,” and then they tell time to eat a fart and get to naming that episode when they darn well please. So grab your headphones, fire this bad boy up and pretend its the new Cyanide Milkshake album.

Do you believe in hotdogs after hotdogs? I can feel something inside me say: “I really don’t think the boys are back with another episode, now” they get things started with oh, shit, it’s wouldn’t fuck me’s, not even if our dick were puppies,” then we hear, “30 seconds of ‘Now that’s what I call music volume: cool sex number, followed by the funny weed number,'” then the boy’s ponder space and time in a new bit, “fanny packs,” then things get wrapped in an orderly fap-shion in the naming of the episode. So turn back time and find a way to listen to this podcast forever or something. Final Cher joke.

Well, this is a long one. How long is it? Thank you, conveniently placed transitional sentence. This bad, bad, dirty, someone should talk to his mother, boy clocks in at an hour and a half. Or more easily understood as how many seconds there are in an hour and a half and then divide (or multiplied?) by 6 seconds, thus completing this amazing, sick Vine burn. Speaking of failure, the boys kick things off with some “WFM’s,” then we hear, “30 seconds of some hardcore tennis grunts,” then someone call Mackenzie Phillips because things get So Weird when the boys discuss porn in “From First to Last,” then we hear some Razzie level performances during, “30 seconds of bad porn acting,” finally the boys ramble on to no end and reminisce about the good ol’ days of vine and World Star Vine Comps and talk about some recent rumblings in the neighborhood. So drop out of college, move to Hollywood and Vine and wait to spend all your time hanging with president kid rock. also, listen to this. The new queso at Chipotle is trash.