In this episode, host Cheryl Crow and psychotherapist Timothy Weymann delve deep into the existential, philosophical questions that chronic illness poses. Is there hope without healing? Is it possible to “make peace with loss and change?”  How on earth can you “access a sense of peace in the midst of ambiguity,” particularly when that ambiguity has to do with your own health and wellbeing?  

Timothy reflects on gender, sexual orientation, disability, acceptance and more, sharing how he used “minority survival skills” he learned as a gay man to help him navigate his newfound identity as a person with rheumatoid arthritis. He and Cheryl also discuss how gratitude, forgiveness, self-acceptance, compassion, and social connection help them and others face health difficulties with meaning and purpose.

Episode at a glance:

• Diagnosis story: Timothy advocated for himself as his symptoms worsened despite experiencing medical gaslighting. Eventually he was tested for and diagnosed with Mixed Connective Tissue Disorder and Rheumatoid Arthritis - which came with feeling crushed and wondering: “Is this going to be my new life?”. 
• Impact of gender and chronic illness: Men are a minority in the rheumatoid arthritis community, and Timothy shared how his gender has affected his experiences of healthcare and belonging in the chronic illness community. He reflects on how our culture has often given the message that men should tough things out and not ask for help, which can be challenging for mental health.
• Sexual identity: Timothy shares lessons he learned while navigating being a minority as a gay man. Gaining protective skills through this experience helped prepare him for the considerations of sharing disability-related information.
• Mental health: Early on in Timothy’s diagnosis he felt like he was in a “crisis phase”, which led to self-blame, shame, and an urge to keep it hidden. Cheryl shares that many people aim to ‘conquer” the diagnosis in an effort to feel like they can control it, but in time inevitably reach limits. Tim reflects on the wisdom of turning away from control and learning ways to “access a sense of peace in the midst of ambiguity”.
• Coping Toolbox: Timothy explores existential psychology, which is rooted in existential philosophy and is a non-religious examination of the human condition. The 4 ultimate concerns of this are captivity versus freedom, meaning versus meaninglessness (we get to define what is meaningful to us as individuals), connection versus isolation (we’re independent but also need support), and life versus death / ambiguous loss (experiencing limitations and losses). These 4 ultimate concerns can ground one in building a fulfilling life despite chronic illness.
• Best advice for newly diagnosed: Know that it’s ok to not be ok, and it’s ok to let everything unfold. Build a good team, be patient with yourself and others, get connected through support, and utilize collective wisdom.
• What it means to Timothy to thrive with rheumatic disease: Reframing life purpose to mean that a rich life includes both difficulties and happy moments.

Medical disclaimer: 

All content found on Arthritis Life public channels was created for generalized informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Episode Sponsors

Rheum to THRIVE, an online course and support program Cheryl created to help people with rheumatic disease go from overwhelmed, confused and alone to confident, supported and connected. See all the details and join the program or waitlist now! 

For full episode details and a transcript:

Go to the episode page on the Arthritis Life Website.