My guest today is an associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona. Her focus is on the physical and emotional responses we experience in grief, yearning and isolation. Dr. Mary France O’Connor is also the author of The Grieving Brain: The Science of How We Learn From Love and Loss.

Grieving the loss of a loved one is a process people seldomly bring up. It’s uncomfortable, it’s painful and something terribly personal. When my mother passed away in July 2021, I was left trying to hold all the pieces but my body seemed to be falling apart.

A friend shared with me that although grief never goes away, it does get softer. After an overwhelming response to a social media post about grieving the loss of my mother, I wanted to better understand how grief affects our minds, bodies, and lives.

Dr. O’Connor heads the grief loss and social stress labs at University of Arizona and literally wrote the book on how grieving impacts the brain. She shares her expert opinions and research on how we can better process the feelings and process of grieving, not just for ourselves but also for others.

Having Dr. O’Connor answer some of the more challenging questions we have around grief helped put loss, yearning, and that feeling of emptiness into perspective for life to go on.

How is the experience of grief and grieving different?

Breaking down the simplicity of these two very similar words, which many of us may use interchangeably was really eye opening. Grief being a noun and a wave that comes over you as she explains it, means that it’s also something that never quite goes away. Grief can stay with us for months and years. While grieving is a verb, it’s something we do that changes over time. You may still be grieving the loss of a loved one years later, but the intensity of that grief changes and hopefully lessens over time.

What changes are happening in the brain when you experience grief?

Another big question Dr. O’Connor breaks down and helps us with is understanding how the brain processes grief. As Dr. O’Connor puts it, “there’s love first before there can be grief,” which brings to light the emotions rooted in grief. Our brains are trying to make sense of the loss and it’s a struggle to process when your brain is disoriented and yearning to see them again.

Sadly, many of us are never told how to go through the grieving process.. Losing someone you love is more than their absence. It’s a loss of identity, habits and traditions that affect you emotionally and physically as well. I think this episode is an excellent start for those of us that don’t feel prepared to grieve and feel at a loss on how to comfort someone through their grieving process.

3 Inspirational takeaways from Dr. Mary Frances O’Connor:

●      Grief is different from grieving, the two are not the same.

●      Grieving is a form of learning how to make life meaningful now.

●      Prioritize your self care and check in with the doctor

Be encouraged that we are resilient and capable of grieving, hopefully this gives you the understanding you need to deal with the complicated nature of grieving.

Connect with Dr. O’Connor

Website

Book

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Love Your Age: The Small-Step Solution to a Better, Longer, Happier Life 

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