As the host and creator of numerous hit culture podcasts, Sam Sanders is known for having a finger on the pulse of pop culture. But growing up strictly Pentecostal in Texas, non-religious music was forbidden – so Sam got resourceful, smuggling CDs into the house in his underwear and watching MTV in secret.

At 18 years old, just as he was getting ready to leave for Stanford, Sam’s life was turned upside down. Both of his parents suffered major health crises in the span of a few months, resulting in Sam becoming their caregiver. Years later, Sam would face another devastating double-whammy with the death of his mother followed a month later by a crushing breakup.

In this episode, Sam opens up about the music that carried him through – from Janet Jackson videos to soaring gospel tunes to revenge-fueled breakup anthems – and why today, he’s savoring the freedom he’s been chasing his whole life. Here are his songs.