In this episode of Wired for Connection, we chat with Stephen Hanmer D'Elia, a therapist and writer, on the topics of technology and artificial intelligence (AI). 

Stephen shares how phones, social media, and AI induce cognitive overload, impacting our nervous systems and putting us in defensive states. We talk about how technology shapes physiology and captures attention, often mimicking traumatized clients that Stephen sees in his practice.

Stephen breaks down three tech-driven nervous system patterns. First, variable reinforcement, where unpredictability keeps the body checking for the next reward. Second, open loops, where notifications, feeds, and interruptions keep the system unfinished and unable to settle. Third, simulated connection without real co-regulation, where technology gives enough signal to engage us but not enough relational feedback to actually co-regulate with us.

On AI, Stephen offers a powerful distinction between scaffolding and substitution. AI can help create a boundary or draft a clean response in a tense moment, but it becomes harmful when it starts impacting our tolerance for discomfort and awkwardness. This is an important conversation for anyone wondering whether AI is helping them think more clearly or quietly shrinking their capacity.

To learn more about Stephen, head to his website. You can explore his writing here. 

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