Episode Summary

Stress is universal — but how we respond to it isn't. In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) breaks down what stress actually is, why your personal history shapes your stress response, and how to manage it in a way that protects both your well-being and your relationship with your kids. From completing the stress cycle to talking to your children about fight-or-flight in real time, this episode is a practical, compassionate guide to becoming a more regulated — and more connected — parent.

Key Takeaways

• Stress is both external and internal. The stressor is the event; the stress response is what happens in your body. You can influence both.
• Your attachment history shapes your reactivity. How your caregivers handled stress became your internal blueprint — but it can be rewritten.
• Pause, reflect, decide. Before reacting, notice the stressor, name your body's response, then consciously choose how you want to respond.
• Completing the stress cycle matters. The stress energy in your body needs to move through — via movement, venting, crying, or physical expression — or it accumulates.
• The "F-it Bucket" is a real strategy. Not every stressor deserves equal energy. Deliberately release the unnecessary ones.
• Witnesses reduce stress. Having people who say "I see you, I get it" is neurologically powerful — community is medicine.
• Talking to kids about stress teaches them to self-regulate. Simple scripts like "I'm having a stress response in my body" model emotional literacy your kids will internalize.
• Some stress is productive. The goal isn't zero stress — it's the right amount that motivates action without causing paralysis or chronic agitation.

Resources Mentioned

• 📖 Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski & Amelia Nagoski Amazon | Publisher (Penguin Random House)
• 📖 How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To by Eli Harwood (mentioned in episode — includes a full section on perfectionism) Amazon | AttachmentNerd.com

About Eli Harwood

Eli Harwood (MA, LPC) is a licensed therapist, USA Today bestselling author, and the creator of Attachment Nerd. With 19+ years of clinical experience, she translates peer-reviewed attachment research into practical, shame-free guidance for parents. She is the author of Raising Securely Attached Kids, Securely Attached, Uniquely Us, and How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To.

• 🌐 Website: attachmentnerd.com
• 📸 Instagram: @attachmentnerd
• 🎵 TikTok: @attachmentnerd

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode Summary

In this episode, Eli sits down with Laura, the Foster Parent Partner — author, content creator, and foster care advocate with nearly 300K followers — to have an honest, compassionate conversation about the realities of foster parenting. They explore what it truly means to show up for kids from hard places, how foster parents can survive a broken system, and why even one safe home can change the entire trajectory of a child's life.

Key Takeaways

• Foster parenting is a life-changing and profoundly disruptive experience — in the best and hardest ways. Honesty about this upfront protects both caregivers and children.
• Foster parents serve as critical buffers between a child's traumatic past, an imperfect system, and a safer present — and that buffering matters enormously for long-term healing.
• The small, consistent, everyday moments — rubbing a child's back, making their favorite dinner, laughing together — are not small at all. For kids from hard places, they are revolutionary.
• Expanding your window of tolerance as a caregiver — not just changing the child's behavior — is the key skill in trauma-informed fostering.
• Even if you foster a child for a short time, you may be "the one home" they remember as the safe place that helped them heal years later in therapy.
• The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) framework helps us understand risk factors, and foster parents are one of the most powerful protective factors a child can have.
• Burnout is common and valid — give yourself grace, ask for help, and focus on what you can control each day.

About the Guest

Laura — The Foster Parent Partner is a content creator, therapeutic foster parent, and author who supports the foster parenting community with practical, trauma-informed guidance. She has built a community of nearly 300K followers across social platforms and channeled that expertise into her new book, First-Time Fostering: A Practical Guide for Supporting Kids in Foster Care.

• 🌐 Website: fosterparentpartner.com
• 📸 Instagram: @foster.parenting
• ▶️ YouTube: youtube.com/@foster.parenting
• 💼 LinkedIn: Laura Foster Parent Partner

Resources Mentioned

• 📗 First-Time Fostering by Laura the Foster Parent Partner — firsttimefostering.com | Amazon
• 🏫 Dr. Karyn Purvis & TBRI® (Trust-Based Relational Intervention) — The research framework behind "kids from hard places" — Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at TCU
• 📋 ACE Questionnaire (Adverse Childhood Experiences) — The CDC-Kaiser study measuring childhood trauma risk factors and adult health outcomes — CDC ACE Study Overview
• 🧠 EMDR Therapy — Trauma processing protocol referenced by Eli — APA Overview of EMDR | EMDR International Association
• 🔗 Foster Parent Partner Community — fosterparentpartner.com

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Mentioned in this episode:

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How to Deal with Talking to Your Kids About PornographyEpisode Summary

After a disturbing news story surfaced exposing widespread abuse on a major pornography platform, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) is stepping up with a calm, practical guide for parents. In this solo episode, Eli walks you through exactly how to have an honest, age-appropriate, shame-free conversation with your kids about pornography — what it is, why it distorts reality, how addiction cycles form, and how to keep the dialogue open. Whether your child is in elementary school or high school, this episode gives you the scripts and the confidence to show up for one of the most important conversations of their childhood.

Key Takeaways

• Regulate before you educate — process your own feelings first so you can show up calm and clear for your child
• Timing matters — choose a low-pressure moment (weekends, car rides) when your child has emotional bandwidth to absorb the conversation
• Pornography is not reality — teach kids that the bodies, acts, and dynamics they see on screen are often inaccurate, demeaning, and not representative of healthy, mutual sexuality
• Many people in pornographic videos are not there by choice — help kids understand they may inadvertently be consuming content involving trafficking or abuse, and that there's no reliable way to tell the difference
• Arousal is automatic — and designed — explain to teens that the arousal they feel watching porn is engineered by the platform, not a moral failing, and walk them through the shame-arousal cycle that leads to addiction
• Shame is the primary fuel for pornography use — an open, non-judgmental dialogue at home dramatically reduces the risk of a child developing a secretive, compulsive relationship with pornography
• Screen limits reduce exposure risk — delaying smartphone access and building real-world social skills provides meaningful protection
• You can course-correct — even if you've already given a young child a smartphone, it's never too late to change the rules with honesty and love

About the Host

Eli Harwood (she/her), MA, LPC, is a licensed therapist, USA TODAY bestselling author, and the creator of Attachment Nerd. With 19+ years of clinical experience, she translates decades of attachment science into warm, practical, shame-free parenting guidance. She is the author of Raising Securely Attached Kids and How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To, and the creator of the Secure Parenting Program.

• 🌐 Website: attachmentnerd.com
• 📸 Instagram: @attachmentnerd
• 🎵 TikTok: @attachmentnerd

Resources Mentioned

• 📖 Raising Securely Attached Kids by Eli Harwood — Buy on Amazon | Publisher Page (includes a full chapter on navigating tricky topic conversations with kids)
• 📖 How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To by Eli Harwood — Buy on Amazon | Publisher Page (Eli's newest book — helps parents work through anxiety, shame, and emotional baggage so it doesn't pass down)
• 📖 The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt — Buy on Amazon | Author Site (research on smartphones, social media, and the mental health crisis in young people)
• 🎓 Secure Parenting Program by Attachment Nerd — Join Here (pay-what-you-can, lifetime access, community support)

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

How to Deal with Raising Tweens & Teens with Dr. Cara Natterson & Vanessa Kroll BennettEpisode Summary

If you're a parent staring down the tunnel of adolescence and feeling the dread building — this episode is your permission slip to exhale. Eli sits down with Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett of Less Awkward for a warm, wildly informative, and surprisingly funny conversation about what puberty actually is, why it's happening earlier than ever, and how to be the parent your tween or teen genuinely needs — even when they're slamming doors and rolling their eyes. Expect real science, real talk, and a boxing metaphor that will change how you show up for your kid.

Key Takeaways

• Adolescence is not something to survive — it's something to lean into. The mood swings, the push-back, the withdrawal: it's developmental, it's hormonal, and most importantly, it's not personal.
• Puberty is starting 2–3 years earlier than it did a generation ago. Average onset is now ages 8–9 for girls and 9–10 for boys. The first sign? According to pediatric endocrinologist Louise Greenspan: a slamming door.
• ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and socioeconomic stress accelerate puberty through chronic cortisol release — not race. Kids of color are often entering puberty earlier, and this intersects with data showing that adults tend to age children of color as older than they are, creating an unfair double burden.
• Sex hormones surge and drop every 6–12 hours — which is why your kid can seem perfectly reasonable at breakfast and completely dysregulated by dinner. It's not you, it's biology.
• Your job is to be the corner person, not get in the ring. Like a boxing coach, your role is to offer a place to rest, encouragement, and steady presence — not to fight their battles or fight them.
• Silence is not rejection. A teen who won't talk still wants you there. Try the car, the walk, the lights-out bedtime check-in — and if all else fails, just sit in silence. Stay.
• When you mess up (and you will), own it and repair. Research shows kids gain respect for parents who apologize and take do-overs. It also models exactly what we want them to do with their mistakes.
• Your attitude toward adolescence becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you dread it, they'll become dreadful. Studies show kids absorb the expectations adults project onto them.

About the GuestsDr. Cara Natterson

Dr. Cara Natterson is a pediatrician, speaker, educator, and one of the foremost voices on tween and teen health. She is the Founder and CEO of Less Awkward and the New York Times bestselling author of The Care and Keeping of You series with American Girl.

• 🌐 Website: lessawkward.com
• 📸 Instagram: @less.awkward
• 🐦 Twitter/X: @caranatterson
• 💼 LinkedIn: Cara Natterson
• 📺 YouTube: Less Awkward

Vanessa Kroll Bennett

Vanessa Kroll Bennett is a USA Today bestselling author and co-host of the This Is So Awkward podcast. As President of Content at Less Awkward, she helps adults navigate the challenges of raising tweens and teens with joy and humor.

• 🌐 Website: vanessakrollbennett.com
• 📸 Instagram: @vanessakrollbennett
• 🐦 Twitter/X: @vanessakbennett
• 💼 LinkedIn: Vanessa Kroll Bennett
• 📺 YouTube: Less Awkward

Resources Mentioned

• 📚 This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained by Dr. Cara Natterson & Vanessa Kroll Bennett — the book discussed throughout this episode (Amazon)
• 🏫 Less Awkward Parent Hub — the comprehensive parent resource platform with courses, community, and an AI puberty Q&A bot
• 🎙️ This Is So Awkward Podcast — Cara & Vanessa's own show on puberty and adolescence (Apple Podcasts)
• 🔬 Herman-Giddens et al., 1997 — Landmark Puberty Study (Pediatrics, 99(4):505–512) — the first large-scale study of 17,000 girls documenting earlier puberty onset, referenced in the episode
• 👩‍⚕️ Dr. Louise Greenspan — pediatric endocrinologist at UCSF, quoted as saying "the first sign of puberty is a slamming door"
• 🧪 The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Adolescent Social Expectations — research on how adult expectations shape teen outcomes (PMC/NCBI)
• 🩺 CDC: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) — background resource on the ACE framework discussed in the episode

Connect with Eli

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode Summary

In this warm and moving episode, Eli sits down with Jon Fogel — parenting educator, pastor, and author of Punishment-Free Parenting — to talk about his brand-new children's picture book, Set My Feelings Free, co-authored and illustrated by his wife Jess Fogel. Jon unpacks the surprising science behind Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, why music is the key to teaching kids emotional regulation, and how a 30-page book can do what 300 pages can't. You'll probably cry. Eli definitely did.

Key Takeaways

• Secure attachment and emotional regulation are not the same thing. You can grow up securely attached and still have significant gaps in how you model and regulate emotions — and that's okay to acknowledge.
• Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood was peer-reviewed science. Every episode was reviewed by developmental psychologist Margaret McFarland at the University of Pittsburgh. The show was deliberately designed to teach emotional regulation through music, repetition, and child autonomy.
• Music is a limbic tool — it directly activates the same part of the brain driving a child's dysregulation, making it uniquely effective for teaching regulation strategies in the moment.
• Teaching a 3-year-old emotional regulation is not as hard as teaching yourself — the obstacles are almost always the parent's own unprocessed emotions getting in the way, not the child's capacity.
• The 5 tools in the book (diaphragmatic breathing, movement, grounding/color game, visualization, and naming feelings) were carefully selected to cover every kid, including ADHD kids who don't respond well to breathing alone.
• Repetition before bed is the key delivery mechanism. Reading the book nightly before sleep leverages the brain's heightened receptivity to learning during memory consolidation — backed by behavioral neuroscience.
• Naming feelings alone isn't enough. Jon drew on the work of Marc Brackett at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence — naming must be followed by moving through a regulation strategy.
• Cycle-breaking parenting is like learning algebra while still learning to add and subtract. The children's book handles the foundational math so parents can focus on the harder, deeper work.

About the Guest

Jon Fogel is a parenting educator, pastor, author, and creator of the @wholeparent social media platform with over 1 million followers. He is the author of Punishment-Free Parenting: A Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice and the newly released children's picture book Set My Feelings Free, co-created with his wife and illustrator Jess Fogel. Jon is currently pursuing his PhD in developmental psychology and serves as senior pastor at Hope Covenant Church in Orland Park, Illinois.

• 🌐 Website: wholeparentacademy.com
• 📸 Instagram: @wholeparent
• 💼 LinkedIn: Jon Fogel

Resources MentionedBooks

• 📖 Set My Feelings Free by Jon & Jess Fogel — Amazon (Available April 28, 2026)
• 📖 Set My Feelings Free — Bookshop.org (supports local bookstores)
• 📖 Set My Feelings Free — Publisher (Beaming Books)
• 📖 Punishment-Free Parenting by Jon Fogel — Amazon
• 📖 Punishment-Free Parenting — Penguin Random House

Organizations & Research

• 🏛️ Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence (Marc Brackett) — Research on naming feelings as a foundational emotional regulation tool
• 🏛️ Circle of Security International — The attachment-based parenting program referenced; origin of the "shark music" concept

People Referenced

• Marc Brackett, PhD — Founding Director, Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence; his research underpins the importance of naming and labeling feelings
• Dr. Dan Siegel — Mindsight Institute; referenced throughout in connection with emotional brain science
• Dr. Tina Payne Bryson — Co-author of The Whole-Brain Child; referenced for visualization/nightmare work
• Margaret McFarland — Developmental psychologist, University of Pittsburgh; the behind-the-scenes architect of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood
• Fred Rogers — Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood; his show was intentionally designed around emotional regulation science
• Dr. Benjamin Spock — Author of what Jon calls essentially the first gentle parenting book in the 1940s
• Erik Erikson — Developmental psychologist whose early attachment work is foundational to the field
• Harry Harlow — Researcher whose Rhesus Monkey experiments helped establish attachment theory
• Jaak Panksepp — Behavioral neuroscientist; his work on memory consolidation informs the bedtime reading recommendation

Want to become a more secure, confident parent? 👉 Join the Secure Parenting Program

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode Summary

In this episode, Eli sits down with Tia Gamelin — neurodiversity-affirming pediatric occupational therapist, ADHD coach, and mother of four — to explore the hidden sensory world underneath your child's "difficult" behavior. Together they unpack why behavior is always communication, why there are actually eight senses (not five), and how understanding your child's sensory profile can radically transform your relationship with them — and with yourself as a parent.

Key Takeaways

• Behavior is communication that comes out sideways. When children act out, they are not being defiant — they are telling us their sensory system is overwhelmed and needs support.
• There are 8 senses, not 5. In addition to sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing, children also rely on the vestibular system (inner gyroscope/movement), proprioception (body position in space), and interoception (internal body signals linked to emotional regulation).
• The sensory traffic jam: In children with sensory processing differences, sensory signals don't travel smoothly — they get "jammed," making the world feel confusing, frightening, and overwhelming.
• Environment is everything. Tia's EAR Triangle (Environment → Activity → Response) teaches us to look at the physical, temporal, and social environment first before trying to change a child's behavior.
• Neurodivergence is not a disorder — it's a difference. Dr. Nancy Doyle's research argues that if neurodivergence only created disability, it would not persist in the gene pool. These are specialist thinkers the world needs.
• Disability vs. impairment: People have impairments; environments create disability. Our job is to modify the environment, not fix the child.
• Co-regulation is not a crutch. Children — and even adults — borrow regulated states from trusted others. Helping a dysregulated child feel safe IS the intervention.
• Visual schedules work. When a child is dysregulated, meaningful speech is the first thing they lose. Pictures and visual tools bypass the verbal brain and help organize their world.
• Guardrails aren't restrictive — they're freeing. Structure and predictability lower the cognitive load for neurodivergent kids so they can actually show up and learn.
• You are also on this journey. Parenting a neurodivergent child often surfaces your own unidentified sensory needs and processing differences. Grace for yourself is part of the work.

About the Guest

Tia Gamelin, OTR/L, ADHD-CCSP is a mother of four with over 22 years of experience as a neurodiversity-affirming pediatric occupational therapist specializing in sensory integration and supporting twice-exceptional learners. She is passionate about the Montessori approach and brings a holistic, joyful lens to helping kids and families thrive.

• 🌐 Website: Black Bird Therapy Group
• 💼 LinkedIn: Tia Gamelin
• 📸 Instagram: @tiagamelin
• 📧 Email: [email protected]

Resources Mentioned

• 📗 Jean Ayres — Sensory Integration and the Child (25th Anniversary Edition) The foundational text by the mother of sensory integration theory. Essential reading for parents of kids with sensory processing differences. Amazon link
• 🔬 Dr. Nancy Doyle — Neurodiversity at Work: A Biopsychosocial Model and the Impact on Working Adults (British Medical Bulletin, 2020) The peer-reviewed paper Tia references about why neurodivergence persists in the gene pool — and why that matters. Oxford Academic / British Medical Bulletin | PubMed
• 📊 CHADD — ADHD Prevalence Data (1 in 9 children) The source behind the statistic that approximately 1 in 9 U.S. children have been diagnosed with ADHD. CHADD General Prevalence Page
• 📊 CDC — Autism Spectrum Disorder Data (1 in 31 children) CDC's ADDM Network data showing approximately 1 in 31 children aged 8 years have been identified with ASD. CDC ASD Data & Statistics
• 🧠 Interoception & the Insula — Research Overview Research on interoception, the "eighth sense" located in the insula, and its role in emotional regulation. Stanford / Menon Lab (2024) | NIH PMC — Anterior Insular Cortex & Emotional Awareness
• 📉 Negative Comments Research — ADHD & Neurodivergent Children Research (attributed to psychiatrist William W. Dodson) indicating that children with ADHD receive significantly more negative messages by early school age than their neurotypical peers. Free to Be Counselling Overview

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode Summary

If you've ever whispered to yourself, "Is it too late? Have I already done too much damage?" — this episode is for you. Eli sits down with Wendy Snyder, founder of Fresh Start Family and author of the brand-new book Fresh Start Your Family, to talk about the most hopeful truth in parenting: it is never too late to start over. Wendy shares her own raw journey from a reactive, overwhelmed mom to a parenting educator who has helped thousands of families worldwide break the cycle of fear-based discipline — and she brings the receipts, the real stories, and the practical tools to prove it.

Key Takeaways

• You are not failing — your nervous system is repeating what it knows. When you snap, yell, or fall back into old patterns, it's not a character flaw. It's a conditioned response. Self-compassion is the first step to change, not a luxury.
• Failure is just unfinished success. Mistakes — yours and your kids' — are opportunities to learn, not evidence that you're a bad parent. 99% of mistakes are repairable.
• Your nervous system chooses the comfortable hell over the uncomfortable heaven — until it gets enough data that something new is safe. Change is possible, but it takes consistent small steps and community support.
• Repair is greater than perfection. A true repair includes: owning your part, affirming your child's dignity ("You don't deserve to be spoken to that way"), sharing what you're learning, and doing a make-up — an act of service to restore the relationship.
• Strong-willed kids are cycle breakers. They are the ones who force the change. Their resistance to fear-based tactics is a feature, not a bug.
• A fresh start is available at every age — with toddlers, tweens, teens, and yes, even as an adult child with aging parents. Humility + willingness = the beginning of change.
• True leadership isn't certainty and control — it's maintaining connection while holding dignity for the whole family.

About the Guest

Wendy Snyder is the founder & CEO of Fresh Start Family, an online worldwide educational positive parenting platform, and host of The Fresh Start Family Show podcast. Through her transformational programs, coaching, and courses, Wendy has helped thousands of families break generational cycles of fear, punishment, and disconnection. Her new book, Fresh Start Your Family: Powerful Parenting to Restore Peace in Your Home, is available now.

Connect with Wendy:

• 🌐 Website: freshstartfamilyonline.com
• 📸 Instagram: @freshstartwendy
• 👍 Facebook: Fresh Start Family
• 💼 LinkedIn: Wendy Snyder
• 🐦 Twitter/X: @freshstartwendy

Resources Mentioned

• 📘 Fresh Start Your Family by Wendy Snyder — Wendy's new book on powerful parenting to restore peace in your home
• 🌐 Fresh Start Family Online — Wendy's parenting platform with courses, coaching, and community
• 💪 Strong-Willed Kids Free Resource — Free guide & workshop for parents of strong-willed children
• 🧠 Freedom to Be Retreat – Fresh Start Family — Wendy's immersive life coaching weekend retreat for healing limiting beliefs and nervous system patterns
• 📖 The Garden Within by Dr. Anita Phillips — Referenced for her work on nervous system, emotions, and healing (NYT & WSJ Bestseller, featured on Oprah's Super Soul Podcast)
• 🌿 Dr. Anita Phillips – Website — Trauma therapist, minister, and thought leader at the intersection of mental health, faith, and culture

Connect

• 🔒 Secure Parenting Program: attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
• 🌐 Eli's Website: attachmentnerd.com
• 📸 Instagram: @attachmentnerd
• 🎵 TikTok: @attachmentnerd
• 🎶 Music by Gold Child: goldchildmusic.com

Episode Summary

Did you know humming can literally lower your heart rate in the middle of a parenting meltdown? In this episode, Eli is joined by bestselling children's music artist and mindfulness expert Kira Willey to unpack the science of why rhythm is one of the most powerful regulation tools available to parents and kids — and how to start using it today.

From butterfly taps to transition songs to the Ha Ha Hyena game, Kira shares practical, playful, and science-backed strategies that work with how children's brains actually develop — through music, movement, and imagination. Whether you're in the middle of a chaotic morning routine or trying to head off a bedtime meltdown, this episode will change the way you think about the music already in your life.

Key Takeaways

• Rhythm is structure — the organized, predictable beat of music has a biologically calming effect on the nervous system, even in babies.
• Humming is a secret superpower — a 2023 study found humming lowers heart rate and increases heart rate variability (HRV), activating the parasympathetic nervous system and reducing stress.
• Butterfly taps work — rhythmic self-tapping (crossing arms and gently patting your own shoulders) can bring groundedness during moments of high frustration.
• Music bypasses words — instead of talking at dysregulated kids, music engages entirely different parts of the brain, bringing more attention and focus.
• Transition songs are magic — a simple song tied to getting in the car, cleaning up toys, or sitting down to dinner creates predictability and reduces meltdowns.
• Music creates durable memories — information set to melody is remembered differently in the brain. People with dementia can still sing their wedding song when they can't remember family members' names.
• Singing together releases oxytocin — communal music-making (even just humming or clapping) releases the love and trust hormone, lowers collective heart rate, and builds genuine connection.
• You are the DJ of your home's vibe — music is the fastest, easiest tool you have to set the emotional tone of any room, any moment.
• Practice tools before you need them — teach kids breathing games and rhythm exercises during calm times so those tools are ready when big feelings hit.

About the Guest

Kira Willey is an award-winning children's music artist, author, and kids' yoga and mindfulness expert. She is the bestselling author of Breathe Like a Bear and her brand-new book The Joyful Child: Calm the Chaos, Connect with Your Kids, and Create More Happiness in Your Daily Routines. Kira is also the co-creator and host of three PBS mindfulness, music, and yoga television shows and creator of Rockin' Yoga school programs.

• 🌐 Website: kirawilley.com
• 📖 Book Website: thejoyfulchildbook.com
• 📸 Instagram: @kirawilley
• 💼 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kirawilley
• 🐦 Twitter/X: @kirawilley

Resources Mentioned

• 📘 The Joyful Child by Kira Willey — Amazon | Penguin Random House
• 📘 Breathe Like a Bear by Kira Willey — Amazon
• 🔬 2023 Humming/HRV Study (Trivedi et al., Cureus) — Read the study
• 🧠 The HALT Framework (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) — a simple self-check tool for knowing when to pause conflict
• 🎶 Rockin' Yoga School Programs by Kira Willey — kirawilley.com
• 🖨️ Free Mindfulness Printables for Kids (with book order) — kirawilley.com

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

How to Deal with Kids Who Say "I'm Bored" — with Lizzie AssaEpisode Summary

Parenting coach and author Lizzie Assa joins Eli to unpack why modern parents have accidentally taken over their children's play — and how to give it back. From reframing boredom as a bid for connection, to setting up "play pockets" around your home, this episode is a practical, permission-giving guide to raising kids who can play independently.

Key Takeaways

• Play belongs to the child. Your job is not to optimize or entertain during play — it's to protect the time and space for it.
• Boredom isn't a failure. When your child says "I'm bored," it can be a bid for connection — and it's a sign you've reserved unstructured time for them.
• Be a mirror, not an entertainer. When kids invite you into play, give the control back: "Tell me what the puppy does."
• Play pockets work. Bring open-ended materials to where life already happens in your home — the kitchen, laundry room, even the bathroom cabinet.
• Less really is more. Too many toys create decision fatigue and actually prevent kids from entering deep imaginative play.
• Independent play is a skill that takes practice. Like learning to read, it needs gradual scaffolding — not a scheduled demand.
• Close the loop. Come back after the play session to notice and name what your child accomplished. This builds play confidence.

About the Guest

Lizzie Assa, MS Ed is a parenting coach, former preschool teacher, and founder of The Workspace for Children — a platform followed by over 200K parents on Instagram. She is the author of But I'm Bored!: Discover the Power of Independent Play to Raise Confident, Resilient Kids (G.P. Putnam's Sons, 2026), which she also narrated as an audiobook.

• 🌐 Website: workspaceforchildren.com
• 📸 Instagram: @theworkspaceforchildren
• 📬 Substack: The Workspace for Children on Substack

Resources Mentioned

• 📗 But I'm Bored! by Lizzie Assa — Amazon | Penguin Random House
• 🎧 But I'm Bored! Audiobook (read by Lizzie herself) — Amazon Audible
• 🌐 The Workspace for Children — play guides, coaching, and playspace design resources
• 📬 The Workspace for Children Substack — weekly ideas for independent play
• 🛒 Lizzie's Curated Toy & Play Favorites — open-ended toy recommendations mentioned in the episode

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode Summary

In this powerful solo episode, Eli Harwood gets real about one of the hardest parenting challenges there is: how do you help your child feel safe and secure when you don't feel safe yourself? Drawing from a deeply personal experience — her six-year-old daughter's unexpected ICU admission — Eli walks through the core principles of attachment-based parenting under pressure. Whether you're navigating a family health crisis, divorce, oppression, or uncertainty in the world, this episode will remind you that your presence is one of the most powerful medicines you can offer your kids.

Key Takeaways

• Your job isn't to remove fear — it's to make sure your child doesn't feel alone in it. Saying "everything's fine" when it isn't is a dismissal; acknowledging "this feels hard" is connection.
• Attachment systems exist for moments of threat. Crisis doesn't break attachment — it activates it.
• Act on what you can control, then become emotional support. Take practical steps to remove real threat, but once you've done what you can, your presence is the intervention.
• Distinguish removing threat from removing discomfort. We aren't supposed to shield our kids from all discomfort — we're meant to protect them from real danger and walk alongside them through the rest.
• You cannot pour from an empty cup. Your nervous system needs co-regulation too. Lean on your community so you can show up for your kids.
• Imperfection is part of the process. Crisis is messy. Keep returning to connection — that returning is what secure attachment feels like to a child.
• The 'Good Enough Parent' is one who keeps coming back. D.W. Winnicott's concept reminds us that reliability and repair matter far more than perfection.

About Eli Harwood

Eli Harwood (MA, LPC), known as @attachmentnerd, is a licensed therapist, USA TODAY bestselling author, and Child Psychology Award winner with 19+ years of clinical experience. She is a mom of three and the creator of Attachment Nerd, a community of 1.2M+ caregivers worldwide. Eli translates peer-reviewed attachment research into plain-language tools that help parents build trust, connection, and resilience with their kids — without shame or blame.

• 🌐 Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Resources Mentioned

• 📖 Eli's Newest Book — How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To (the book referenced in the episode with a chapter on parental loneliness) https://www.amazon.com/Deal-Your-__-Kids-Dont/dp/1632175967
• 📖 Eli's Book — Raising Securely Attached Kids (USA TODAY Bestseller, Child Psychology Award winner) https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Securely-Attached-Kids-Connection-Focused/dp/B0CPDP7DT5
• 📖 Eli's Book — Securely Attached (attachment workbook for adults) https://www.amazon.com/Securely-Attached-Transform-Attachment-Relationships/dp/1632174898
• 🧠 D.W. Winnicott's "Good Enough Mother/Parent" concept — learn more via Wikipedia overview: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_enough_parent
• 🎓 Secure Parenting Program (Pay-What-You-Can) https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/