It's easy to get stuck looking out when you're navigating the divorce process. You're focused on your kids, your soon-to-be former spouse, support teams helping you move, divide finances, and generally get your life in order.

When it feels like your grip on your world is most tenuous, when you're facing a period of great stress, this is the time to stop, take stock, and reflect.

This week on the show, Seth Nelson leads us through a journey of self-reflection based on his years as a divorce attorney. When are his clients at their greatest stress? And how can a dose of reflection help streamline your divorce? Listen in this week to learn!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Randall Kessler founded the law firm now known as Kessler & Solomiany, LLC in 1991. Today, the Atlanta-based firm sports 30 attorneys and staff and in the course of their family law practice, they've represented some of the highest profile clients in the country; athletes, TV and film personalities, judges, politicians, and industrialists.

As such, Kessler has a unique perspective on the divorce process. This week, he joins us in the Toaster to share some important observations gleaned from his years in big divorce: when it comes to divorce law, celebrities are people, too.

Links & Notes

• Kessler & Solomiany Family Law Attorneys
• About Randall M. Kessler
• My Fan Park: Celebrity Birthday Greetings

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

The healthy post-divorce is a perennial favorite around these parts. But what happens when the divorce process is not so peaceful?

We’re talking about exchanges of power in the divorce process. Subversive or passive aggressive texts, emails, and calls. Secrets about money and property. Fights. They all lead to a more combative and complicated divorce, and may lead to questions of safety. What can you count on from your legal team, and what’s on you to resolve? That’s this week as we take on the antagonistic divorce on the Toaster.

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Heart? Swipe? Like? When it's time to get back into the sea after your divorce, how do you know where to find the right fish? This week on the show, divorce lawyer Seth Nelson shares his experience and insight into getting yourself back out there.

First, the tech. There are many, many apps to help you get connected and learning to use them isn’t just a nice skill, it’s a requirement. How do you handle that first date with someone new? How about intimacy? Introducing kids? Travel? If you’re facing down some monster social and relationship anxiety, you’re not alone! Listen in this week and let’s get you back out there!

Links & Notes

• Best Dating Apps for 2021 • PC Mag

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Tami Sbar is a leading divorce mediator in Tampa, Florida, but she took a roundabout journey through the law to get there. She started her legal career as an Assistant State Attorney, working in both the domestic violence and the sex crimes divisions, in addition to felony court. She has her badge to prove it.

After experiencing her own divorce, she became interested in the practice of family law, and in particular, the value of mediation as a priceless benefit for divorcing couples and their families. Today, she dedicates her time and expertise to divorcing couples full time. This week on the show, she shares some of the intricacies involved with mediation. Do you need a lawyer if you’re moving through mediation? How does a mediator change the experience of court? How does a mediator deal with the imbalance of power in relationships? All this and so much more this week from a true expert and practitioner in the field.

Links & Notes

• Sbar Mediation

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Our guests today have worked hard to craft a loving and tight-knit family. Their effort to create that family has only intensified since their divorce in 2007. In an effort to help others see what’s possible, Ben Heldfond and Nikki DeBartolo created “Our Happy Divorce,” a book, channel, and community dedicated to building a healthy, happy, post-divorce modern family.

This week on the show, Ben and Nikki share their perspectives on building a family as family membership changes. They share their dating stories, and how they introduced new partners successfully to the family unit. And, most important, they tell us how their efforts are guided by their love and dedication to the children in both their lives. This passion has made their family an aspiration for others and we’re thrilled to have them on the show with us today.

Links & Notes

• Our Happy Divorce by Ben Helfond & Nikki DeBartolo
• Subscribe to Our Happy Divorce on YouTube
• OurHappyDivorce.com

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

The pandemic has been hard. On everyone. But one surprising silver lining: enterprising mediators have made the process easier, faster, and cheaper in many cases as a result of moving online.

Sure, it might be just another Zoom meeting you have to sit through for hours. But it's a Zoom meeting from the comfort of your home. And strategic mediators are learning new skills they're using to manage online mediation to the great benefit of the separating party.

To learn more, we've invited Susan Guthrie to join us this week. Susan is a top family law and mediation attorney legal podcaster! She’s a leading dispute resolution professional, serving on the Executive Council of the American Bar Association’s (ABA) Section of Dispute Resolution as the Membership Officer and to be a Co-Chair of the Mediation Committee and Annual Advanced Mediation Skills Institute. More than 17,000 dispute resolution professionals have benefited from her programs through Learn to Mediate Online®, and she’s host both The Divorce & Beyond Podcast for divorcing couples and the Learn to Mediate Online Podcast for legal professionals.

Links & Notes

• Learn to Mediate Online
• Divorce in a Better Way
• The Divorce & Beyond Podcast
• Learn to Mediate Online Podcast

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

According to our guests today, late-in-life divorcées represent an unserved population. The complexities that come with navigating the divorce process, from adapting to a legal and financial system to communicating with the myriad relationships in and outside the family. How will you split a lifetime of assets? And most important to authors Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg, how will you help your adult children and their children adapt to this new normal?

Our guests today are authors of Home will Never Be the Same: A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce. Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenberg have spent years in their practices supporting those facing the shockwave of gray divorce in the family. “We wanted to give a voice to the adult children whose parents are divorcing ... Some of these individuals are single; some are married. Some have children of their own. All of them are in different stages of shock, fear, and sudden, dramatic change. We wanted them to know that they are not alone, that we hear their pain, and that we can provide them with solutions.”

Carol and Bruce join us today to share some of their work with those facing a gray divorce as a partner in it, or a child and grandchild of it.

Links & Notes

• Learn More about Dr. Carol Hughes
• Learn More about Bruce Fredenburg, M.S., L.M.F.T

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

When one of us suffers, we all suffer. So says our guest, Rachael Jaye. Jaye is a certified Connection Coach and today she’s going to talk to us about her work helping to rehabilitate intimacy lost in separation.

So, exactly what is a Connection Coach, and why might you need one? When we move through divorce, when trust is tested or broken, we might experience a loss of our ability exist in the space of connection or intimacy with other people. And, because relationships tend to break down slowly, over years, it’s not often clear what connection skills have eroded along the way. This week on the show we talk all about this, why relationships break down, how our ability to communicate authentically is dependent on our ability to connect intimately.

About Rachael Jaye

Rachael Jaye is The Connection Coach. Her belief is that when one of us suffers, we all suffer; yet healing is available when we experience genuine connection with others. As a certified Cuddlist and Connection Specialist, she’s a pro at creating a safe space in her connection sessions, and also offers coaching around cultivating authentic relationships. While her techniques apply universally, Rachael specializes in supporting men’s mental and emotional health specifically as it pertains to their relationships. She’s developed support programs designed to meet a client where they’re at, whether simply looking for someone to listen to and accept them, or desiring tools to reignite the intimacy in their relationship. She loves theatre, rooting for her Niners, and engaging intentionally with strangers — but not like a creeper!

Links & Notes

-Find Rachael at HKR Coaching
-Follow Rachael Jaye on LinkedIn
-Follow Rachael Jaye on Instagram
-Follow Rachael Jaye on Facebook

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster

Divorce, by definition, is damaging. Taking apart a relationship impacts us far beyond the law. Today on the show, clinical psychologist Dr. Margaret Rutherford joins us to talk about how the stresses of divorce can sneak up on us in ways we might not expect. In addition to her practice, she’s the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism that Masks Your Depression, and host of The SelfWork Podcast. Margaret, welcome to the Toaster.

About Dr. Margaret Rutherford

Dr. Margaret Rutherford, a clinical psychologist, has practiced for twenty-six years in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Earning the 2009 Arkansas Private Practitioner of the Year award for her volunteer work at a local free health clinic, she began blogging and podcasting in 2012 to destigmatize mental illness and educate the public about therapy and treatment. With her compassionate and common-sense style, her work can be found on her website, as well as HuffPost, Psych Central, Psychology Today, The Mighty, the Gottman Blog and others. She hosts a weekly podcast, The SelfWork Podcast with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. And her book, Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism that Masks Your Depression, is published by New Harbinger and available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble or your local bookstore.

Links & Notes

• Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression by Margaret Rutherford
• About Dr. Margaret Rutherford
• Subscribe to The SelfWork Podcast
• Recommended Reading: Coming Apart by Daphne Rose Kingma

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster